Post # 1
Upon reading the title, even I would automatically answer No – but hear me out..my situation is a little more tricky.
Last weekend I had a bridal shower. My friend “K” came in just as we got started, and during my sister’s welcome speech. Because of that I wasn’t able to greet her at the door, but my mom showed K to her seat. Fast forward a few hours, Fiance and I are at home opening all of the gifts and envelopes…but nothing from K. I think, maybe her gift got left behind at the hall? So I called my mom who stayed back to clean up, and she tells me that nothing got left behind. Not only that, she tells me that when K came in she definitely didn’t have a wrapped gift, and didn’t give her an envelope gift either. So I assume that K didn’t give a gift. Ok, fine.
But then Fiance drops a huge question mark into the equation – apparently K’s boyfriend was texting my Fiance, asking him what to give/how much to spend on a shower gift. Why was I just finding out about this conversation now? Well K’s bf told my Fiance to not tell me he was asking these questions?!?! It just doesn’t make any sense….Why would he ask such questions if they weren’t going to give a gift anyway? And why wouldn’t he want Fiance to tell me?
Based on this, our next conclusion was that since maybe K came in late, she didn’t know where to put her gift (at this point, her gift would be an envelope of $$ of a gift cert., because my mom and (other) sister insist she did not come in with a wrapped present), and then just forgot to give it to me. I can buy that explanation…But it’s been nearly a week since the shower, shouldn’t she have noticed she forgot by now?
So now that you know the situation, would you confront or ask her about the mix up? I honestly don’t know. What if we really did lose it? Then she’ll get offended when in my thank you card I only thank her for her presence and not for her generosity. At this point, whether or not she gave me a gift is irrelevant, I really don’t care. I just want to make sure I give her the proper acknowledgement on the thank you card. If it makes a difference, K and I get along but we’re not too close. She and I are friends because our SOs lived together for a of couple years in university.
Thank you in advance for your help!
Post # 3
Just drop it. It’s not worth creating drama about. She could be tight on money but still wanted to show up and show support for you. Bringing it up will only make YOU look greedy/whiny/bad.
Post # 4
The answer is still “no” after reading your post. If she has a mysterious gift to give you, she will let you know.
Post # 5
Hmmm…. that’s a tough one.
It’s hard to ask about a gift without seeming like you are reminding someone to get you one.
Have you checked your registries to see if maybe she ordered something that just haven’t been delivered yet?
I think I’d just let it go. I’m also not sure I’d send a thank you note if she didn’t bring anything. Sometimes thank you notes for attendance are seen as a prompt for a gift.
Post # 6
I think I would just let it go too…maybe thank her for coming on the thank you note and then maybe she will notice you never mentioned a gift…
Post # 7
I’d just let it go. I don’t really see a good way to go about this without upseting her.
Post # 8
Ya…That’s pretty much what Fiance and I decided to do too. But I thought it couldn’t hurt to get more opinions on the matter. Thank you for the responses!
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I’d still send a nice “thank you for coming to my shower” note. Maybe she realized she couldn’t afford both a shower & wedding gift- the cost for wedding guests can also add up.
Post # 11
Absolutely no. If she wants to give you a gift, she will. I understand the worry that maybe the gift was lost, but unfortunately the other side of that is there wasn’t a gift so any mention of a gift would just be uncomfortable for both of you at this point. Definitely send a note and thank her warmly for attending your shower – that’s what really matters, after all 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.
Part of the beauty of a Thank you note is to confirm you recieved a gift. If you thank her for coming to the shower, it will open the door for her to ask if you got the gift. Otherwise, nothing needs to be said. Saving you both an awkward conversation.
Post # 13
If she brought a gift and it wasn’t there, my guess is that if she doesn’t receive a ‘thank you for my gift’ card she’ll ask about it. Do not under any circumstances ask if she brought a gift.
Post # 14
I RSVPed no to a friend’s wedding and a few months later she called and asked if I’d sent a gift. I was a little embarrased to answer “No” (I didn’t realize this was customary!) and she explained it was no big deal, she was just filling out thank you cards and forgot to record if I’d sent anything. She truly sounded like she didn’t mind, so I wasn’t really upset or offended at the question.
So yes, I think it’s possible to ask someone if they brought a gift without sounding greedy. But it may depend on how well you know her and how well you can play casual.
Post # 15
I’d drop it. Maybe she didn’t have a gift to offer. Maybe she forgot to give it to you and is just saving it for the wedding. Who knows.
Post # 16
Agree with PPs. Thank her for her presence and attending, and just let it go.