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My FI's cousin got married in July and we still haven't received a thank you for our very generous monetary gift. I know his new wife had time to write them out because she is a teacher and had all summer off and according to her facebook she "sleeps in, reads, shops, and sits by the pool" I feel like that was just so rude that they didn't write out thank you's or if our gift wasn't good enough compared to the 400 other gifts they got, or now I'm wondering if our money card was stolen or misplaced and they never got it?
I personally think everyone that gives a gift gets a thank you card.
Should I inquire about the gift to his cousin? Ask my FI to ask his cousin? Or should I just forget about it? I know that I always send out TY cards so it just irks me!
I am always amazed by thankyou cards, they are lovely but I dont expect them,
I feel the same way! It's been almost four months and we haven't recieved a thank-you card, even though the bride is unemployed, and I don't think it's a money thing, since they were "cashing out their registry."
My boss even commented on it, since she didn't recieve a card either. I don't think we'll say anything, at this point in life you either have manners or you don't. If anything, their parent's should say something!
Poor Judgement.
If she had 400 thank you's to write, she may have inadvertantly overlooked it or she could have mailed it out and it got lost. I would have your FI ask his cousin nicely, if all of the thank you's have been sent out.
I also agree that thank you's should be sent out. We gave a very generous gift to my FI's sister and her then husband 2be at their wedding and we never recieved a thank you either. It has been 3 years, and it still upsets me, if I think about it.
Some people just don't practice good etiquette.
I think you should have your FI ask under the guise of making sure that they did in fact receive the gift. Maybe it got lost in a pile of stuff and she would love to know about it and correct her etiquette mistake!
I think inquiring to make sure the gift was received is a good idea - and will probably remind them that they should write a note! Just have your FI call your cousin and ask him whether he got the gift. If the cousin says, "yeah, we did" and asks why, say you heard about a recent rash of card theft at weddings/through the postal service or something and you just wanted to make sure that they got it.
Even if your gift was totally stingy, you still deserve a note. Other people would say it's rude to inquire, but I say it's only rude if you flat out say, "just asking, because we didn't get a note. which just so you know, you don't have a year to send. and your wife is lazy."
It's possible that the wife told the cousin that he was responsible for writing the note to his side of the family, and he hasn't had time or hoped she would do it if he waited too long - I know for our engagement party, I wrote all of my thank-yous promptly and then my FI took a lot longer to write his share, but I sure as hell wasn't going to do them for him - it wasn't fair!
I agree with you it is really rude. I think alot of people are started to forget to do them, and I think its horrible. I went to 4 weddings in the past two years, and I only recieved one thank you card. It bothers me because then you worry they did not get the gift! My family sent a really expensive gift to my cousin and we never received a thank you card. Eventually my mom found a way to kindly ask her if she got the gift,. We just wanted to stop worrying she never received it. If there is an appropriate time to ask with out making a big deal of it you can. Make sure you phrase it like you are just chcecking to make sure she got it. Otherwise you might have to just let it go and hope she got it. Ill make sure to send out all of my thank yous in a timely manner!
I'd ask him about it. Just to make sure it wasn't lost or anything. ; ) I'd be pretty irked, too!
We're still writing ours! We're about 4 months out. I do think it's good to get them out as soon as possible, but writing thank you notes is hard when you want to capture the essense of how you feel about the gift.
So at least from one recent bride, "We're trying to get these out to you all!"
I guess I'll just forget about it at this point since it's been so long and I KNOW I have better manners and I'll be sure to send mine out within the appropriate time frame! She obviously doesn't have good manners, which I knew when I was at the bridal shower and she kept saying what she didn't get instead of being thankful for the gifts that she got! SO RUDE!
I would get your fiance to ask his cousin, just to be sure that they got it.
I would wait until at least 6 months after the wedding... I did all my pre-wedding thank you notes promptly, but after the wedding I was just fried and exhausted, and I had 150 to do. I was so burnt out and overwhelmed, and it took me forever to start writing them, even though I did technically have the time for them. I've finally gotten them going, but it'll be a few weeks yet, and it's really obnoxious that 10+ people have contacted us to ask whether their gift was received... I know some of them are genuinely worried but it seems like most are just trying to chastise me for not getting thank you notes out sooner, which is annoying, because 3 months is not an unreasonable delay (I think) given the number of notes I have to write.
About it being a "generous" gift - I'm not sure the size of the gift should determine the promptness of the note!
Some brides have the mistaken impression that they have a year grace period, so it's possible that that's what she thinks.
Anyway, if it was a check, look to see if it's cleared... if cash, I say you should ask if you haven't gotten your thank you by January.
It doesn't really matter who you decide to ask, but I'd ask someone. It may be a matter of the thank-you is still to come, or you could be right about the gift being misplaced or worse.
It's interesting how many people don't send thank-you's, even with wedding gifts -- which seems like the place you would do it if ever you were going to. It's sort of 'built in' to the whole wedding process, just like sending out invitations.
There are multiple times I've not heard a peep, though. Once I couldn't attend the wedding so I bought something off the registry and shipped it to the couple. No thank you, and no response when I contacted them to make sure they'd received the gift!
this happened to me too! except the wedding was LAST JUNE (as in 2008) and I couldn't make it - so I even sent the gift well in advance (I also sent a shower gift) neither of which I received thank you's for! I never said anything because I am close with the groom, and I'm sure he wouldn't know, but now I'm trying to decide if I should invite this couple to our wedding! Oh etiquette :)
Was it cash or check?
Not that it matters, they should send a than kyou., I'd just ask him if they received it because you are concerned it got misplaced (hint hint)
I would definitely ask if they received the gift, unless it was a check that you already know cleared. Maybe it did get lost! Thank yous should be sent within 3 months of the receipt of the gift, so you're not jumping the gun by asking, obviously ;). If they did get the gift and just haven't thanked you for it yet... then you just know that they're rude people; info to sock away for the future. ;)
If it was a check that's already cleared, just assume that they're either rude or taking their sweet time writing thank yous. But if it was cash or a check that hasn't cleared, I'd ask, just to make sure the gift was received.
We gave cash so there is no way to see if they received it other than asking them 
Since it was cash, the card may have been separated from it. They may not know who to thank, so they may appreciate you asking.
I would get your FI to ask, because it would drive me crazy wondering if they actually got it!
I had to talk this one over with my mom...mostly b/c I knew that she would say something outrageous =) Her opinion is that you should write thank you notes for any gifts prior to USING the gift. When we talked about monetary gifts her statement was this...if you have time to spend my money or cash my check, you have time to write a thank you note....LOL
The law according to Mama JamaicaBride
@JamaicaBride. Your mom sounds funny! I like that advice.
Personally, I wouldn't be too offended by not receiving a thank you. So many things could've happened--it could have got lost in the mail, she could have inadvertently left your name off the list, etc. But I would ask your fiance to ask just to make sure they did get the gift card. We just stuck all of our cards into a box after the wedding, and after a few weeks, I found two gift cards I hadn't noticed before! They are sometimes easy to miss.
no matter who asks or who you ask i don't think it will really turn out in a positive light.. so i think you should just let it be. you know what you did and that should be enough. :)
I would definitely ask, just in case it did happen to get lost. And if it didn't the inquiry can also serve as a gentle reminder that a thank you should have been written.
Seriously, I haven't started my thank you's yet. I don't care if people think it's rude. I will write them and I will get them out, but with the whole getting married thing, honeymoon, and moving, they haven't been touched. She only got married in July, give the girl some time. Who cares what her face book says, writing thank you's takes a lot of time. Especially if she's got to do 400 of them. She might not have started right away, and unless it's been a year I wouldn't write her off yet.
The only thing I would say is to ask some of the other guests if they've recieved thank you's, or to drop a hint in a way you know will get back to her to just make sure she did in fact recieve the gift.
I think it's absurd she hasn't gotten them out! July....it's been like 5 months! 5 months is definitely over the top...then again, maybe she is the kind of girl who doesn't care about having poor manners? I dunno, some people are no big deal about those whereas some peopl (like me) get all uptight about them and write like, 20 in one evening and stay up til midnight finishing them =]. Now I won't feel bad about how I haven't gotten a thank you yet from a September wedding I went to...even though the bride occassionally comments on how she's working on them, lol, I guess some of us just get things done ASAP and some of us don't. I'd be more understanding if she weren't a teacher with the summer off, a la MrsDG, or travelled a lot for work.Buuuut if she really had all summer off? She could've set aside a few hours to work on them.
True story. I was invited to my relative's fiancee's shower. Didn't go because of family issue. Never met her either. Sent gift from registry.
3 months go by and wedding is quickly approaching. No thank you for the shower gift. No acknowledgement. Nothing. I finally get sort of pissed because I don't know if it even reached them and it is sort of rude.
I email my relative and am like "Did it reach you? Because if it didn't I want to remedy it with registry retailer" He replied back "We did. Thanks!"
That was my thank you note.
Their wedding gets here. FI and I go. Give check. I still haven't met the bride and she didn't bother coming around to her in-laws to meet the family.
I swear to god, 11.5 months later, we get a thank you note and it's a generic "Thanks for sharing our day!" nondescript thank you. I can't even remember if it had our names on the inside. Way to ingratiate yourself.
I know nothing was going on with them. Family talks a lot. The bride and the groom just think the sun rises and sets on them.
They had a kid and a baby shower. Didn't go. Didn't send a gift. Why? So I can get a thank you note when their kid is 12? Yeah. Not doing that again. Plus? I still haven't met this chick!
P.S. For those of you haven't moved lately, MOVING and WEDDING is extremely stressful, so Thank you notes are being put on hold. Contrary to what everyone is posting, 5 months is not a lot of time if you have to do 400 of them. Another thing to think about is including a picture. We got our pictures but haven't discussed which one to use for thank you's yet.
I am so grateful for all my gifts, but I did just cash checks like a week ago so I don't think it's rude to take my time to write thank you's. In a perfect world they would be done already. All i'm saying is give the girl a break, come back in a year if you haven't heard from her then, I can see why you would be mad.
Barring any major and sudden life emergencies, a year after the wedding to send a thank you note is not acceptable to me at all. Three months.
A bride and groom knows ahead of time they're inviting X amount of people and expecting X amount of gifts. Therefore, they should plan ahead. Either write the thank you upon receipt of the gift so it's not lingering, or plan to do a few everyday. Small bites, it won't be so bad.
I would probably check to make sure they got it. I didn't get a thank you card from one of my friends for the expensive food processor we sent them and when I asked about it, she said they never received it. After a lot of talk between FedEx and BBB we discovered that it was delivered late (while they were on their honeymoon) and someone stole it off their porch!!
That happened to me with a friend, so I simply asked her. I wanted to make sure they received my gift. When I thought about it, I'd rather her know I did get them a gift than wonder if they never received it. Turns out, they had received it.. the awkwardness was on them. I'd ask them directly, there's nothing wrong with that..just preface it with an explanation that you want to make sure they received it as you hadn't heard from them!
I feel like there's a lot of judgement on here, at least for weddingbee... I'm definitely a little surprised!
While it is rude to not send thank you notes, they do technically have up to a year per etiquette to send them out. However it sounds like she, at least, doesn't care. The best solution may be to take from it a lesson learned that not everyone is as generous or courteous as you are and then move on. Also take the lesson that no matter how nice you are to some people, they kick you in the teeth anyway. There's not usually anything you can do to change them and it's not worth the energy that could be put to better use.
@JamaicaBride your mom is funny, and right!
@Br1tSh1n1ngStar, you moved that I can totally understand that holding up thank yous, we bought our house last year and I know how time consuming it is, but they didn't move. They went right on a honeymoon and were back 5 days later and resumed their lives.
I will take advice and check with my FIL's to see if they received a TY note, and if they received one months ago then I will ask my FI's cousin if they received our gift just so they know that we did in fact give one. If my FIL's didn't receive one then I'll just let it go and give no more gifts ala MissACS (loved your story btw).
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I've been sending out Thank Yous as we receive gifts, mainly so that people know that we received the gift. I've called friends before to make sure they received gifts because they were mailed or in once case was put on the gift table late (we had forgotten it in the car).
I want to say that I'll get them out right away after the wedding, but I suppose I shouldn't comment on it until after I've walked that walk!
<p style="margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-left: 6pt; margin-right: 6pt;">I guess in this "Computer Age" people don't always write thank-you cards or any hand-written correspondence at all for that matter. That is kind of rude, if you were generous and they didn't even acknowledge your gift. But some people are card people, and some people aren't. I wouldn't take it too personally!
I can just see this situation turning into a Seinfeld episode though!
@worcesterbride....I don't see anything in the way of judgement in any of the comments. I just think the bees are giving their honest opinions. I don't think differing opinions are necessarily a bad thing as long as it's not done in a snarky manner. I think that the bees should be a place of encouragement and goodwill...but also a place where honest opinions can and should be given. I know some of the "tough love" I have found in some of the threads has been just what I needed...and they weren't even my threads.
@mouse and soon2bee....my mama is known for dropping "gems" of advice that are pretty blunt....LOL! I wouldn't trade her for anything.
I voted forget it and move on. Unlike a registry gift, there is nothing you can do about it if the card and cash got misplaced or stolen. If they tell you they didn't get the cash, what are you going to do?
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