(Closed) No thank you card from bride for gift – should I worry?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Could you ask someone else that was at the wedding if they got a thank you note? Maybe this couple didnt send them at all?

Post # 5
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Bostongrl25:  agree!

I once received a thank you card a year after the wedding… so it could be that the bride didn’t get to it yet.

Post # 6
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would wait a year.. because many people get behind with their thank yous

Post # 7
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Some people get behind, or do like my husband did and take the cash out of cards then forget what was in them and don’t bother to write a note for “just a card.”  (For the record I wrote on the back of all of them once I caught him swiping cash and everyone got their thank-you!)

So – check with another guest and if they did receive a thank-you already I think it’s ok to ask the bride if they received your gift.

Post # 8
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry, but in my opinion, the first thing a bride should do is write the thank you cards to all those that attended.  I feel like if i dont have a thank you card 3 months after the event, thats just not right.  

Post # 10
Member
3472 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I can say as someone who is usually 100% on top of things– right after the wedding, I had planned to have all the thank-you’s done by the end of the honeymoon… we are coming up on a month and I haven’t even started! Give her 6 months at least before you say something– If possible, I like the idea of talking to other guests.  And if not, it’s acceptable to ask them how the wedding was, and the honeymoon, and mention that you looked long and hard for the card you gave them because you thought the message was the perfect representation of their love… (or something along those lines) if she looks at you with a blank stare, she didn’t receive the card– if she did get it, and just didn’t get around to sending the note, this gives her a chance to gracefully thank you in the moment. 

Post # 11
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Brides do not have a year. This is a myth. Guests have a year to give a gift, so brides are writing thank yous up to a year later, but you should really thank everyone within a few months of the wedding.

OP, I’d probably call and at some point bring up that you wanted to make sure they got your gift since you never heard anything or got anything.

Post # 12
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Can’t you just bring it up to her in a nonconfrontational way? Don’t mention anything about a thank you card, just ask if she’s received it because you want to make sure it wasn’t lost. This may remind her to write thank you cards, but that’s really not your concern.

Post # 13
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You could offer to help the bride with her thank-you cards. Call her or drop her an email saying “I know it’s probably been a whirlwind for you and I was thinking of taking some of the work off of your plate, so if you need a hand addressing the envelopes for the thank you cards, invite me over for some wine! It’ll be a great chance for us to spend some time together!”

If she’s not even thoguht of thank-you cards then this lets her correct her social faux pas without feeling like she’s being called out, and if she’s already sent them, she’ll probably reply, which gives you a socially acceptable reason to counter “Oh my goodness, since I hadn’t gotten one, I figured you were just so busy, but now I am worried that my card never made it to you!”

But only do this if you’re really, truly willing to spend an evening with her writing addresses on cards!

Post # 14
Hostess
11174 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@juliette.eliza:  Agreed.

I just mailed out my last batch of thank you cards and we got married in May. I really had to sit down and force myself to get them all completed so someone with less diligence I could easily see taking a little longer. Although we would all like to get them out right away I think our pre-married selves significantly underestimate the amount of crazy that still happens after the wedding….I know I did.

I say six months is a good amount to wait. If you don’t hear from the bride by then I would send a quick email or something just to ensure that she actually got the card.

 

Post # 15
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you should just ask her if she ever got it…you just want to make sure it didn’t get lost.

I agree the main purpose of a thank you note, aside from the obvious gratitude, is to let the person know you received it. 

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