No thank you notes after 3 months– rude?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well, I think it is important to write thank you notes in a timely manner.  I hate having them hanging over my head.  That said, I have given gifts many times and never received a thank you note. 

Post # 3
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

This happened to my FI once.  We went to a wedding for one of his cousins (not someone he’s particularly close to), my FI gave a $400 cash gift for the both of us (but the value is beside the point), and he never received a thank you note.  He casually mentioned this to his mom in the context of “oh wasn’t that rude”.  His mom not so casually, and without my FI’s knowledge, mentioned this to his aunt (the mother of the groom).  His aunt sent him a FB message that the thank you had been delivered to XYZ address.  My FI wrote back with his correct address.  It’s 1 year later and still no thank you note.  My FI was deinitely offended.  It’s rude, but there’s nothing to be done about it except not to be that person yourself. 

Post # 4
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yes and no…there may be circumstances that you don’t know about. 

I recieved a Thank You at the end of July for a wedding I attended August 2013.

Post # 5
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yeah, it’s very annoying, and like you and Mrs.Sawyertobe said, I personally hate having that stuff hanging over my head. I bust my notes out asap when I need to. But, sigh, too bad not everyone is as perfect as we are. 🙂 

ETA: My rule now is that when I give a gift, I just give it and forget about. Like I try to completely clear my mond of all traces of the thing. That way I’m not thinking about the thank-you note. It’s the only way to keep myself sane is this world of imperfect people. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  .
Post # 6
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

Justbrynne:  Wow!  I bet that nore surprised you!

Post # 7
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Ilovewine:  I would give it a little longer. I read that etiquette dictates that you have a year to send out thank you notes. I’m ‘that guy’ who will write them the next day, but not everyone is.

When we had our engagement party I wrote all of the thank you notes the next morning. I was planning on hand delivering to my family (who live 4 hours away) when I went home to visit. I forgot them, then went up north for the summer, so I still have a bunch of ‘thank you’ notes on my desk at home… from MAY! they’ll get them in September when I go home. Whoops. Things happen some times, maybe she’s lazy, maybe she forgot, maybe she is just trying to enjoy some down time and doesn’t want to even look at anything wedding for a while.

Post # 8
Member
11734 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would be annoyed.  I think that thank you notes should be sent out promptly.  Three months is an incredibly long amount of time, and I think it’s very rude that you haven’t received one.

Post # 9
Member
11734 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

winterwoodlandbride15:   I read that etiquette dictates that you have a year to send out thank you notes<br /><br />That’s actually 100% wrong.  Guests have up to one year from the wedding to send gifts.  Thank you notes should be sent promptly as soon as the gift arrives, so the guest knows their gift was received.  While you have quite a few thank you notes to write after a wedding, waiting a year is rude and absurd. 

Post # 10
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Although I personally like to send out thank you’s asap, traditional wedding etiquette does allow for up to a year to send thank you notes. Who knows maybe she is following this? Also, some people are just not as considerate as we’d like them to be (I get annoyed by this a lot), but all you can do is not let it get to you.  I’m sure they are very grateful you attended their wedding, and for your gift, even if they haven’t sent the thank you card yet 

Post # 11
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Ilovewine:  Think you’re being a little uptight. While there is an etiquette guideline that couples should be following, it doesn’t mean that if you have not received the TY card by x date that the couple are not appreciative of your gift.  As you said, there may be other things going on that you’re not aware of.

I have been to several weddings and showers (at least 5) where a TY was never received at all.  In another instance, we received our TY card about 13 months after the wedding took place.  I knew the Bride and Groom were very appreciative of our gift, so I didn’t think twice about it.  I appreciate getting the note, but even a verbal thank you and acknowledgement of the gift goes a long way.

If your neighbors haven’t even verbally thanked you, I think that’s pretty rude.  But sometimes you have to let these things go and not stress about them.

 

Post # 12
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I don’t understand people who don’t send thank you notes.  It’s just rude.  It’s not a relationship-ending move and it doesn’t change much, but I do remember if I got a thank you or not.

Post # 13
Member
4596 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I had a friend get married on May 30 of this year, and still have not gotten a thank you note… and I was IN her wedding as a personal attendent. I am not too concerned about it, but is just interesting that she hasn’t gotten them out.

We went to a friend of FI’s wedding last spring(2013), and it took them 5 months to get their thanks you’s out… and they weren’t even handwritten. That, I thought was a little rude.

Post # 14
Member
4812 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ilovewine:  There’s no reason they can’t get you a thank you note. It’s rude.

Post # 15
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It’s rude and personally I feel like 3 months is long enough to write thank you and post it. It literally takes a few hours and her husband can help. my future sister in law got married in dec and still havent sent a thank you card. Her reason is that she’s been “busy”. So many people have made comments about that. 

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