(Closed) No Thank You?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I ...
    Ask my FI to ask his cousin about the gift? : (33 votes)
    46 %
    Ask his cousin myself? : (10 votes)
    14 %
    Ask the new wife? : (0 votes)
    Forget it and move on : (29 votes)
    40 %
  • Post # 3
    2459 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I am always amazed by thankyou cards, they are lovely but I dont expect them,

    Post # 4
    683 posts
    Busy bee

    I feel the same way! It’s been almost four months and we haven’t recieved a thank-you card, even though the bride is unemployed, and I don’t think it’s a money thing, since they were “cashing out their registry.”

    My boss even commented on it, since she didn’t recieve a card either. I don’t think we’ll say anything, at this point in life you either have manners or you don’t. If anything, their parent’s should say something!

    Poor Judgement.

    Post # 5
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    If she had 400 thank you’s to write, she may have inadvertantly overlooked it or she could have mailed it out and it got lost. I would have your Fiance ask his cousin nicely, if all of the thank you’s have been sent out.

    I also agree that thank you’s should be sent out. We gave a very generous gift to my FI’s sister and her then husband 2be at their wedding and we never recieved a thank you either. It has been 3 years, and it still upsets me, if I think about it.

    Some people just don’t practice good etiquette.

    Post # 6
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think you should have your Fiance ask under the guise of making sure that they did in fact receive the gift. Maybe it got lost in a pile of stuff and she would love to know about it and correct her etiquette mistake! 

    Post # 7
    235 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I think inquiring to make sure the gift was received is a good idea – and will probably remind them that they should write a note! Just have your Fiance call your cousin and ask him whether he got the gift.  If the cousin says, “yeah, we did” and asks why, say you heard about a recent rash of card theft at weddings/through the postal service or something and you just wanted to make sure that they got it. 

    Even if your gift was totally stingy, you still deserve a note.  Other people would say it’s rude to inquire, but I say it’s only rude if you flat out say, “just asking, because we didn’t get a note.  which just so you know, you don’t have a year to send.   and your wife is lazy.” 

    It’s possible that the wife told the cousin that he was responsible for writing the note to his side of the family, and he hasn’t had time or hoped she would do it if he waited too long – I know for our engagement party, I wrote all of my thank-yous promptly and then my Fiance took a lot longer to write his share, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to do them for him – it wasn’t fair! 

    Post # 8
    582 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I agree with you it is really rude. I think alot of people are started to forget to do them, and I think its horrible. I went to 4 weddings in the past two years, and I only recieved one thank you card. It bothers me because then you worry they did not get the gift! My family sent a really expensive gift to my cousin and we never received a thank you card. Eventually my mom found a way to kindly ask her if she got the gift,. We just wanted to stop worrying she never received it.  If there is an appropriate time to ask with out making a big deal of it you can. Make sure you phrase it like you are just chcecking to make sure she got it.  Otherwise you might have to just let it go and hope she got it. Ill make sure to send out all of my thank yous in a timely manner!

    Post # 9
    5498 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I’d ask him about it. Just to make sure it wasn’t lost or anything. ; ) I’d be pretty irked, too!

    Post # 10
    7082 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2009

    We’re still writing ours!  We’re about 4 months out.  I do think it’s good to get them out as soon as possible, but writing thank you notes is hard when you want to capture the essense of how you feel about the gift. 

    So at least from one recent bride, “We’re trying to get these out to you all!”

    Post # 12
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010 - Marie Gabrielle, Dallas

    I would get your fiance to ask his cousin, just to be sure that they got it.

    Post # 13
    548 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I would wait until at least 6 months after the wedding… I did all my pre-wedding thank you notes promptly, but after the wedding I was just fried and exhausted, and I had 150 to do. I was so burnt out and overwhelmed, and it took me forever to start writing them, even though I did technically have the time for them. I’ve finally gotten them going, but it’ll be a few weeks yet, and it’s really obnoxious that 10+ people have contacted us to ask whether their gift was received… I know some of them are genuinely worried but it seems like most are just trying to chastise me for not getting thank you notes out sooner, which is annoying, because 3 months is not an unreasonable delay (I think) given the number of notes I have to write.

    About it being a “generous” gift – I’m not sure the size of the gift should determine the promptness of the note!

    Some brides have the mistaken impression that they have a year grace period, so it’s possible that that’s what she thinks.

    Anyway, if it was a check, look to see if it’s cleared… if cash, I say you should ask if you haven’t gotten your thank you by January.

    Post # 14
    314 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    It doesn’t really matter who you decide to ask, but I’d ask someone. It may be a matter of the thank-you is still to come, or you could be right about the gift being misplaced or worse.

    It’s interesting how many people don’t send thank-you’s, even with wedding gifts — which seems like the place you would do it if ever you were going to. It’s sort of ‘built in’ to the whole wedding process, just like sending out invitations.

    There are multiple times I’ve not heard a peep, though.  Once I couldn’t attend the wedding so I bought something off the registry and shipped it to the couple. No thank you, and no response when I contacted them to make sure they’d received the gift!

    Post # 15
    91 posts
    Worker bee

    this happened to me too! except the wedding was LAST JUNE (as in 2008) and I couldn’t make it – so I even sent the gift well in advance (I also sent a shower gift) neither of which I received thank you’s for! I never said anything because I am close with the groom, and I’m sure he wouldn’t know, but now I’m trying to decide if I should invite this couple to our wedding! Oh etiquette 🙂

    Post # 16
    2470 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Was it cash or check?

    Not that it matters, they should send a than kyou., I’d just ask him if they received it because you are concerned it got misplaced (hint hint)

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