- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I've seen other posts about people who are delusional about the size of the ring being equal to how much your FI loves you. Well, I guess my FI doesn't love me at all, because I don't even have a ring.
This has only recently become an issue since the news is slowly starting to make its way through my family and friends. The first phone call I got was from my Aunt J. She wanted to know all the details about my ring and when I told her I didn't have one, she kind of gasped, and said, "Well then why are you engaged? You CAN'T be engaged without a ring."
Why, yes. Yes I can. And I am. Why? Because
Since my experience with my aunt, I've had several other people comment about it. Some understand and think it's perfectly reasonable not to have a ring right now, others look at me like I'm from another planet. Really, at first I'm stupid because I want to get married young, now I'm stupid because I don't have a ring. And oh heavens, I don't want a diamond?! What could possibly be wrong with me?
Really? Why are people so obsessed with this? Our engagement isn't fake. We're not doing it for attention, we're just trying to be smart with our money right now. One day, I will get my engagement ring, just not right now.
Any other temporarily, or permantly, engagement ringless brides out there?
Congratulations!
If I were you, I'd get one of those cheesy cocktail rings (like the ones they sell at Forever 21). The uglier, the better. Tell people that's your engagement ring. Watch them squirm as they try to find something nice to say about your monstrosity!! Serves them right for questioning you to begin with! And you get the last laugh!
@BanditGirl: Haha. I hadn't thought about that. I think I may have one from some Halloween party from a few years ago.
I have a ring, but I certainly don't think anything of the fact that you don't. I worked in events for a few years, and I gave wedding tours ALL the time to couples who weren't wearing rings. I only noticed because I love jewelry, LOL.
I LOVE BanditGirl's idea! Do it!
If you don't want to have an e-ring, then more power to you.
@GreenEyedMoon: It's not that I don't want one eventually, it's just not feasible at the current time. Trust me, I STILL sit on weddingbee and drool over engagement rings. I would love it if we had the money to get the ring of my dreams, but we can't. And FI and I both decided that I wouldn't get a ring until he could get me the one I wanted. He doesn't want me to feel like I'm settling for anything. Which, I'm not too picky. I have 2 requests. Cushion, princess or radiant cut would be nice and I would prefer a gemstone or a diamond simulant. But, if he did go with a diamond, I wanted gemstone sidestones.
I feel you. My husband didn't propose with a ring and said I could pick out whatever I wanted. Well we were both strapped for cash and I didn't like the idea of buying a piece of jewlerly instead of paying the bills, and I almost had a panic attack when we went to try on a "cheap" non-diamond ring....
I didn't tell my parents until we finally got a ring because I knew they would doubt the seriousness of the proposal or think badly about him for not shelling out 2 months pay.
But it all worked out in the end when his mom asked if I would like to wear his grandmother engament ring. I couldn't have picked a more special ring- it fits us both perfectly.
Stick to your guns! and buy the biggest $20 CZ you can find for now ;)
(trust me though- even if you never wear jewelry, even if you just get a silver band, even if you upgrade later, you will love the ring you wear to announce the the world your engaged)
FI and I weren't "officially" engaged before he asked my dad and got down on one knee with the ring but in reality we had been engaged for well over a year and a half. He had asked me one night to marry him and of course I said Yes. We just called it our secret engagement. I was just as happy and looking at wedding stuff w/o a ring. Some people just don't get it. And I just don't get them. lol
If you dont care for a ring.. why should it matter what anyone thinks this is between you and your guy! If you are using your money to pay for a wedding instead of a ring thats good too its more important to be married then to carry a rings for years and it never ends up happening! However in my opinion this all applies if you are in the process of planning your wedding and ready for that next step. I just think that "were engaged" "one day well get married" happens all the time and if you are not finacially able to do either of those things anytime soon. What is wrong with waiting?? Until you can trully announce it ( i mean cuz if people are finding out you are obviously telling people your engaged) i dont knw that just how i see it.
Many people are uncomfortable with anything that challenges the status quo - and your experiences are an example of that. If you're brave enough to venture that way, you have to be strong enough to take the heat, because people will do most anything to justify the reasoning behind their own life choices - even if it's something as silly as "needing" a symbolic ring to signify you are engaged.
No one has said anything to me. Ha ha, they will feel the blunt end of my sarcastic tongue if they do. I do remember a few years ago, a friend got engaged and didn't have a ring. Another friend made a very rude comment behind her back, I feel bad but I said to the rude friend "Until you have a guy and get him to propose to you with or without a ring, keep your mean comments to yourself" Ouch. I apologized later though.
When we got engaged we bought and engraved very simple small silver bands for each other.
Aaaaaaaaand... people lost their shit.
I am a permanently ringless engaged bride and have been for almost one year. The reason here is simple: I don't like jewelry and I don't wear it. I never have, and I am not about to start now. My FI, family, and friends all know this about me so none of them think it's weird. I do feel the need to explain myself to strangers or people who aren't as familiar with me. It sort of borders on phobia though. I don't like the touch of jewelry on my skin, and I absolutely hate to touch jewelry that's been worn so friends know not to ask me to help clasp a necklace :)
A ring doesn't make the engagement "official" in any way. At least in my opinion. Back in the day, it was customary to receive a thimble. My FI asked me to marry him, I said yes, and we have been planing our wedding every since!
Don't worry too much about other people's opinions. It just get worse (the opinions) with the wedding planning anyway, don't let it get to you!
I don't blame you one bit! I have a ring, and I love my ring, but I would NEVER blame a girl for agreeing to an engagement without a ring.
My MOH and I have discussed a similar situation recently, in fact. She isn't big on rings, and would be just as happy with a bracelet or necklace to wear every day, but she plans to get a ring b/c of the experience one of her friends had.
Basically, this friend wanted a specific, rather expensive engagement ring. It was so expensive, in fact, that it took up the entire ring budget. She wanted it so bad that she said she was ok with just having the engagement ring, and not having a wedding band at all.
Now she gets asked CONSTANTLY when she is getting married, even though she has been married for over a year.
So, MOH is going to get an engagement ring and a wedding band, because she wants people to realize she's married. Annoying how societal norms force themselves on us, isn't it?
@kventures: I just don't see why I have to have a ring to be taken seriously. I know that the idea is taboo for some people. We know we're getting married. We've set a date, and within the next 2 months, we're going to start booking. So we aren't one of those couples who are announcing our engagement without the intent, or plans to get married. Of course, I may have misunderstood your comment. So forgive me if I have.
@bRooklynRocks: I know. I don't mind the heat, because the majority of the people who know the situation think it's a really smart idea. My family consists of several logical people who are smart with money and then the rest feel the need to spend money they don't have to look good to other people. To them, shopping at a department store would be like asking them to wallow around in pig poo. So, those comments don't really bother me too much. I'd much rather wait to get my engagement ring than go in debt to make other people happy.
@Beluga: A girl I know made a bracelet for her FI and he made one for her. They were both into being outdoors and things like that, so their woven bracelets fit them perfectly. I think they both wear titanium bands though now that they are married.
@tinylittlebird: I know several people who only have 1 engagement/wedding ring. My great aunt got an heirloom diamond ring on her wedding day because of the size, and the fact that no band would go with it unless it was custom made. But when she got married, she never saw the point in it. She hardly ever wore it (she was really into gardening), and no one ever questioned her. Of couse, where she lived at the time, the town was so small that everyone knew everybody and whether or not they were married. Now that she's older she wears a simple gold band. But she'd been married 30 years before she ever got a wedding band.
@tinylittlebird: And yes, it is annoying. Back when my FI's mom and dad got married, not many people did get engagement rings, and they certainly weren't diamonds. I think FMIL told me she'd been married 20 years before she ever got a diamond ring, and she never wears it unless she goes to a wedding or some other event.
It shouldn't matter whether you have a ring or not. I mean people need to get over it already. I swear some people just can't take things that happen out of the norm. He asked if you would married him you said yes thus your engaged. A ring is just something extra. All that matters is the commitment you two have made to each other end of story. I think people always forget about that part when people announce their engagement. I know my SO wants to buy me a ring one day ok great. I'd be happy with a plain titanium band which I'm currently wearing that I bought myself. I say don't let other people get to you just brush them off and enjoy your engagement.
hee hee! I didn't have an engagement ring til our baby was about a year or two old, (when he totally surprised me) except for the brass paper fastener he grabbed out of a desk drawer! ;)
Pshaw! I was engaged for months without a ring and fully involved in planning my wedding. Even though I did honestly feel a little self-concious, amazingly not one person commented on my lack of ring. Enjoy your engagement and planning and don't feel like you have to defend yourself to people who are rude enough to make comments like that.
@tinylittlebird: I did finally get my ring but we can't afford the matching wedding band right now, so I'm going to be "engaged" for about a year after my wedding. Can't wait to see if anyone comments then. Ha ha
Don't let it bother you. Your engagement is no less valid than someone with a ring. I honestly can't believe someone would even say otherwise. I know several women who did not get rings, some by choice, some by financial circumstance. And it doesn't matter one bit.
I love my ring, but I think it is actually one of the worst parts of getting engaged. It is IMMEDIATELY what people ask to see...and you can feel them judging it. I hate that. I think it is weird and rude.
I'm not getting a wedding ring. We just bought a house, are paying for a portion of the wedding, and would like to have kids in the next two years. I would much rather pay down a student loan than get a ring.
Do what you can and want to. F*ck what others say :)
@SouthernGirl: I dont wear an engagement ring. My FI has very good job and could afford a ring but i chose to only wear a wedding band after getting married, because most of my friends stopped wearing their engagment ring after getting married. At first people thought this was odd, Some friends tried to convince me to just wear a ring "for now" then take it off after the wedding, but its silly to wear a ring for other people. I dont want to conform just to be "normal" by someone elses standards. I have a fiance, a dress, a venue, guests and all the other things that make a person engaged lol.. the ring doesnt change a thing
I faced this dilemma when my FI and I first started talking about getting engaged. FI had just bought a house, so the idea of making another huge purchase was a little daunting to both of us. I tried to convince him that the house could be our engagement symbol (seriously, I was even going to carry a picture of it around with me in case anyone asked to see the ring), but he's a lot more traditional than I am, so he shot that idea down pretty quickly. I don't understand why people act so scandalized when someone chooses to do something (wedding related) that's a little less traditional. I really appreciate the non-traditional. I find it refreshing. I'm sure that if you choose to get an ering at some point in the future, it will be beautiful, but right now all that really matters is that you get to spend the rest of your life with the man of your dreams. Don't let anyone shift your focus from that.
i feel for you girl. i proposed to my husband, and did not have an engagement ring until the night before our wedding. not sure it's even an engagement ring, i just had a soft spot for antique style wedding sets and he was generous enough to gift 2 rings to me. anyway, i had the same exact comment made by a co-worker (even worse than family, she barely knows me) who found out my wedding was in a few weeks and said, loudly, "you can't get married without an engagement ring."
it still burns me a little when i think about it, but you can't control what other people do, only what you do. if you family and friends aren't taking your engagement seriously, just don't worry about and go about your wedding planning. once they get a save the date or go dress shopping with you or just participate in some way they will change their tune. just worry about you and your future hubs, people rely on "the way things are done" because of fear or comfort, but try not to take it personally.
I wish people were more open-minded. Why do you need a traditional ring? My BF first "proposed" with a wrench that fit my finger. Sounds cheesy, but nither of us are the romantic type - we are silly so it was perfect. I even put it in my jewelry box and you bet when the big day comes I'm having the officient present the wrench. It will be a big laugh just for the two of us. As far as a real ring, he has my grandmother's diamond and will be resetting it. In the meantime we're not really telling people we're engaged (even though I already bought the dress - which we also aren't telling anyone but my close friends) because as a few others mentioned, I don't want anyone to judge him because I don't have a ring...
Congrats on your engagement. Love the cocktail ring idea. The more unreasonably gaudy the better!!! :)
I don't currently have a ring and there's no doubt that we are engaged. To the best of my knowledge, our close fam & friends, don't think anything of it. We are constantly asked about plans and folks are eager to attend the festivities. No one has asked about a ring. We trying to book venues/vendors sans ring.
That's one the reasons I won't change FB status cause 9 times out of 10 the next question is "Show us the ring" and/or whats the date and I don't have an answer for them LOL.
Ugh, I hate the way people treat you when there's no ring.
My fiance and I were planning to get married, but we were long-distance for several years because we each had a job in a different state. My coworkers knew I was eventually planning to find a new job so I could move and get married, but we weren't "officially engaged" because there was no set timeline. During this time, my (male) boss actually said something like "Oh you're getting married? Let's see the ring! ... no ring? Then you're not really engaged, are you."
The flip side of all this is my friend who has a ring, but no date set. You say you're engaged, they want to see the ring. They see the ring they want to know the date. My friend is happily long term engaged. She wants a nice wedding, but since they are paying themselves it's on hold because she NEEDS a new car and they'd like to buy a house this year. For them marriage is not a time sensitive issue. They'll get to it once some other things are taken care of. She now has made up a fake date 2 years out figuring that is enough to answer the question but not have people waiting at their mailbox for an invitation.
Ugh. Don't worry about what other people think! You're being smart with your money instead of buying a rock that will put your FI/you in debt.
One of my friends didn't want a ring, but her now-husband ended up getting her a thimble (a "nice" one). Apparently, brides used to get a thimble to use during the engagement from their future husband, and then had the "lip" cut out to use as the actual wedding ring. My friend didn't use part of the thimble as her wedding ring, but loved that he had a nod to history in their engagement (they are both history buffs).
And yes, people did give her weird looks and expected an engagement ring, but she loved it and just ignored other people's opinions. So, do what's best for you and your FI and get a ring when you are able!!
I have a diamond engagement ring and I kind of feel like an anamoly in my friend group!
I have tons of friends who didn't have an engagement ring - but many of them had custom made wedding bands that were pretty non-traditional.
one couple I know got cheap, chunky matching silver bands and wore those throughout their engagement.
some of my other friends got a small engagement ring and chose to not get a wedding band.
a few of my guy friends stopped wearing their band after the wedding, out of fear of losing it.
I say, the sky is the limit, do whatever you like! and "boo" to the naysayers!
Save your $$$ and enjoy a wedding. Your engagement is an engagement ring or not!
@CrystalBlackheart: Thank you. We're 7 months into our engagement and I'm still not wearing a ring, but we have ordered one. It took a while to save some money, but we got one that didn't completely break us.
@SouthernGirl: That's awesome! My fiance and I were somewhat engaged before we ended up buying a ring. We found mine in an antique store in England when we were visiting his parents. It was reasonable, I love it and it was a total happy accident. The stone isn't huge but it's just right. We were actually really lucky to find the ring we did at the price we did, because he was laid off from his job two weeks later. If it would have been any more expensive or if he put it on a credit card, we'd of had a lot of trouble trying to pay it off and it would have caused a lot of misery.
I am so happy for you!!
@CrystalBlackheart: It's interesting how things work out sometimes isn't it? I've been unemployed for nearly 2 years (the job market is killer here) and it seemed like every time FH saved some money for a ring, something came up. But he got a larger tax return than he expected which allowed him to cover the cost of his tuition, tie up some other loose ends, start a honeymoon fund and buy me a nice, simple ring.
I'm not engaged, but everyone wants us to be hahaha. When people find out we've been together for 5 years, they immediately look at my hand and say "where's the ring?" It's so much pressure on the guy! Makes me wonder if people would balk at me never having a ring...
@sherryberry: Probably. The thing I've learned the most since getting engaged is that someone is always going to have something to say. It may be nice, it may be rude. But you're not going to be able to please everybody, and there's no reason to even try. My engagement ring isn't a diamond. I know I'm going to get some flack for that, but FH bought what he could afford.
I agree with the pressure. When the word started circulating that I was engaged, and when people found out that I was ringless, no one ever bothered to ask me if I even wanted a ring, they automatically assume that it's FH's fault... that he had no money or was too stingy to buy me a ring. Poor men, I think they get it worse than we do sometimes.
@SouthernGirl: That's the same reason my FI didn't want to announce ours until he got a ring!
@CrystalBlackheart: We didn't mean for anyone to find out until we had a ring. We kept everything on the down low. Our parents knew and my cousin knew, and FH told one of his friends. Someone made a comment on Facebook and it didn't take long for other people to catch wind...
I suppose it doesn't really matter now though... at the time I was a little upset, but what can you do? Other than just avoiding Facebook all together. Haha.
First off, congratulations and I applaud your ringless-ness.
My sisters FI proposed without a ring when they were on holiday. They went to one of those tourist shops and got matching woven leather bracelets. They then each got a simple band when they got back home. Nobody said anything about it, but then again the ring isn't usually as big a deal here in Iceland than it is in America.
Yay you ordered a ring! Thats exciting! I think a ring is symbolic for the commitment you guys are making to each other, and its sweet to have a little reminder of your love on your hand!
I couldn't care less if someone does or doesn't wear a ring by choice, but it is fun and romantic to wear one, that is if you want too!
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Future Mrs K | 7 |
| Suikerbossie | 7 |
| Rivendeler | 6 |
| ellisrobertson | 6 |
| ndreighton | 5 |
| janetsnakehole | 5 |
| ladyartichoke | 4 |
 turtles73 |
4 |
| deniselobo | 4 |
| Miss Godiva | 3 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Mrs.danish | 3 |
| Anardana | 3 |
| MrsBroccoli | 1 |
| Bride7844 | 1 |
| GelaMac | 1 |
| BrittanyE |
1 |
