(Closed) No title – just want advice….

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m with you, I wouldn’t want anyone at my reception who wouldn’t give me the time of day otherwise. If they’re such “great people” then they should have made an effort to include you. And since he invited them without clearing it with you first, then it’s no problem him telling them he made a mistake and can’t accommodate them after all!

Post # 4
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree. I wouldn’t invite anyone that didn’t like me or my FI. That’s totally rude and honestly, I would be really POed at FI if he did that. They are disrespectful to you. It’s one thing to not really talk to you (maybe they had to warm up to you?) but then it’s another to address their comments only to him and not you. In any conversation, people should make an effort to include everyone, even if it is just with eye contact.

Post # 5
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ticatica:  I’d be bothered by it, too, even though I support brides and grooms inviting people of their choosing, even if not everyone likes each other.  I just wonder how much fun could these girls have at your wedding when they’ve made their feelings clear?  I don’t believe in inviting debbie downers to weddings.

Post # 6
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@ticatica:  WELL, I can relate. FI started Vet School 2 years ago… some girls were nice (just for the sake of being nice – not really to get to know me) and others did the same thing you’re saying. I’m not the kind of person to vie for people’s attention so I often spoke and was ignored. In fact, there was one girl who blatantly told me ‘you know. a lot of relationships end because of vet school.’ I can say that over the course of time, they started warming up to me. My advice would be to give them more than just the one chance. I had a really hard time in the beginning and never wanted to hang out with his new friends, but it gets easier as time passes. If it’s important to your FI that they go – then let him have it, and be as supportive as you can. Chances are that the two of you will be so absorbed in each other to notice that they’re there.

ETA: It may not be that they don’t like you, it could be that they just don’t know what to say to you. and I certainly don’t think that you’re overreacting.

Post # 8
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@ticatica:  i agree with you.  you spent 5 hours with these people.  the least they can do is acknowledge your presence.  that seems kind of off.  i wouldn’t want someone at my wedding who was rude to me.  i am surprised your fi invited them w/o your knowledge.  did he invite them verbally or send an invite?

Post # 9
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

He invited them, he can darn well uninvite them.  First, they were beyond incredibly rude to you.  Why would he want to be friends with people who treated his FI like that, let alone invite them to the wedding?!  Also,  I personally think it’s rude to invite people to the reception that aren’t invited to the wedding.

Post # 11
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@ticatica: Yeah that’s not okay. I know if any of my guy’s friends ignored me on purpose they would hear about it from him and he would definitely have a very different view of them.

If even your FI thought it was odd that they wouldn’t talk to you, then why is he still so convinced they’re wonderful people? I always take into account how people treat others as well as how they treat me.

I think you need to sit down and have a talk about this. He doesn’t need to disown all his friends if they aren’t nice enough to you, but he shouldn’t ignore your feelings either.

Post # 13
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Have you tried to talk to him more to see if you can get his side of the story. There was one person fishing for an invite to ours who I had issues with because it was my former supervisor who had an issue with us dating while I worked there even though we had cleared it through all the proper channels (HR, the head clinic director, etc.) When I talked to him about it, he told me that he was feeling a little guilty because even though she hadn’t supported our relationship in the beginning, we would have never met without my working with her. The conversation for me helped take away some of the anger. And I probably would have been okay with inviting her, but I did say no since we had such a small wedding and there were much closer friends and families who we couldn’t invite because of space issues. But we did agree to do dinner with her and others from work to celebrate since they were not able to be there.

Maybe also take a look at what is motivating your feelings too. Are you angry because you feel disrespected by them and don’t want them there? Do you only want people at the wedding who support you and your relationship? Is it that you feel angry or upset that FI invited them without talking to you first? Are your feelings motivated by feeling not supported by him in regard to these girls? How do you both feel about setting limits with friends, if they don’t support you and your relationship, do you want him to cut off ties with them? Do you want him to want to cut off ties with them (instead of you having to ask)? The more you know about what is specifically a problem, the more productive any conversation with him will be. Sometimes just talking it through and getting more information can help. It’s really easy to let our feelings and gut reactions take hold otherwise. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Post # 16
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ticatica:  He needs to uninvite them ASAP and he needs to to be told that you would never do that to him: side with people who do not respect him and he needs to start believing you.

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