Post # 1
My FI and I will be having a backyard wedding we want to keep the ceremony short and sweet because we are really shy. Our ceremony will consist of poems, vows, and rings that’s what we want. When my mother found out we were not doing a unity candle she kind of game me the stink eye. what do you think I should do?Do you think it will upset our families?
Post # 3
It is your day, the ceremony should reflect your personalities and tastes! The unity candle surely isn’t that important right? IMO it has lost significance and I have only seen it at about half of the weddings I have attended.
Poems + vows + rings + backyard sounds sweet and beautiful to me..
Post # 4
Unity candle takes only a minute or two.
Post # 5
I had never even heard of a unity candle until my future-in-laws starts asked if we were doing one – I had to do a quick google search and fiance and I decided we didn’t want to do one. It’s a nice ceremony, but not for us. Besides, I’ve seen too many youtube videos of brides having their hair catch fire!
Post # 6
We aren’t doing unity anything – no sand no candle. We both thing it’s pointless. dH said the ceremony itself is unity enough and I agree.
Post # 7
I dislike all of the “unity ceremonies” except for exchanging rings and vows. That right there is enough.
Post # 8
I think a unity candle is a little redundant considering your vows and ring exhange are already uniting you. I used to think that I would do one but I’m pretty sure we’ll be skipping it. I think YOU should do what YOU want on your day and if that means not doing a unity candle, don’t do it
Post # 9
We arent doing sand or a candle. Idk if we will even have a unity ceremony. We might tie a rope into a knot as a keepsake but idk. Do whatever you want and whatever makes you happy!!
Post # 10
thanks everyone for your opinions.I know whatever we decide our day will be beautiful
Post # 11
@alwaysforever8911: I think you should do what makes you and your fiance happy. You’re never going to please everyone with your choices, so you may as well do what you like.
I don’t like the unity candles myself, but my fiance thinks they’re nice. We’re still undecided whether or not we will include this in our ceremony. Hopefully at least you and your fiance are on the same page when it comes to this! Haha.
Post # 12
I don’t think it’s traditional to have a unity candle in the first place.
Post # 13
Calling a unity candle a “tradition” overstates the case. It was pretty much unknown when I got married the first time (in 1977). It’s still rather discouraged in Catholic ceremonies. And let’s face it, the whole marriage ceremony is about unity–you don’t need a candle for that.
I don’t have a problem with people including a unity candle if they want one. But it’s certainly not mandatory!
Post # 14
I don’t see the point in a unity candle. People already know that two lives are becoming one. Everyone knows this already.
If you don’t want a unity candle, despite it taking “just a minute or two”, don’t do one.
Plus, then you have three candles you need to hang onto that will take up space in your home or whatever. Do whatever you & your to-be husband feel is best.
Post # 15
If you don’t want it, don’t bother. Plenty of people have no unity candle or sand in their ceremonies.
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Maybe your Mom wants it so that she has a “role” in the ceremony? Normally I’ve seen the Moms light their respective child’s candle before the ceremony.
Regardless, if you don’t want it, don’t do it. You’ll get the “stink eye” for a lot of wedding stuff (“You HAVE to have music during the ceremony!” “NO, we don’t!”- do what you and FI want.