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I'm not sure about you, but we had lots of summer weddings, and with the expenses in attending and giving gifts, we had to postpone some gifting to later in the year.
We received a wedding present this past month, which is over a year old. Was it less special? No... in fact, I much appreciated that we were still in their thoughts.
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I would agree...I think it would be fun to get a few gifts here and there after the wedding. I think I might enjoy them more because I wouldn't be so overwhelmed by too many packages to open, thank you cards to write, etc.
I don't think anything is stopping you from buying the rest of the stuff on your registry. A gift giver does not need to buy from your registry, nor would I think they would think you would keep the registry open.
I agree with Lemon, I am at the point where all my friends are getting married, back to back to back and with travel to all these weddings and planning our own, we can't afford to give a gift right away. So please try to understand that everyone has a different financial situation.
But I'm hearing from people that they are physically in posession of said gifts, just aren't giving them to us. I just think it is weird, is all. The whole year thing doesn't make sense to me. I honestly don't expect gifts from everyone, but it's strange to keep having these conversations with people where they say, "I have a gift for you! It's on my living room floor! I still have MONTHS to give it to you, though! HA!" Very odd.
1. They probably don't have your gift, they just don't want to tell you that. Come on, I think we've all told the birthday girl/boy at least once, "oh shoot, I left your gift at home!"
2. Yes they do have a year to give you a gift, according to etiquette.
If they have your gift, it sounds like their trying to get a rise out of you! I agree with Lemon that it's a nice gesture, whenever the gift is sent!
Uh no, waiting up to a year to give a gift is extremely POOR etiquette. Google Emily Post et al. Whoever started that rumor was just lazy, and a lot of people are capitalizing on it. Time people get with it.
If people keep saying that, they are maybe just terminal procrastinators. Or they didn't really buy you a gift. We had several gifts from local friends that took a few weeks to make it to our house. They didn't bring them to the wedding because they were very large and heavy. They didn't have them delivered because they wanted to give them in person. And we were busy, and had a hard time hooking up, so did hear several times "We have to bring your present over - when is a good time?" We also got a couple of late cards with gift cards, where people said "This has been sitting on my dining room table for weeks waiting to be mailed! Sorry so late..." Although I seriously can't criticize. I still own little things that I bought for friends or family for Christmas years ago, and then misplaced and didn't find until much later - or forgot about entirely until months later. I pay all my bills online because otherwise I'm likely to misplace the envelopes and just not get them mailed. So it does happen.
Although I would go ahead and complete your registries yourself. If you get duplicate something, you can just return one or the other. (Probably the other, if your friends really do wait a year to give you the present!)
I'm pretty sure that it's Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette that says 1 year, and I also used to intern at Bride's, and I've always gone with the 1-year thing. I think it's a courtesy for the guests, actually - helps with balancing budget, depending on when weddings/holidays fall throughout the year and destinations weddings etc.
However, pure procrastinators are annoying, agreed!
How soon should I send a gift?
Preferably, send the gift to the bride before the wedding or to the couple soon thereafter. In some regions gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. Contrary to a current rumor that you have a year to send a gift, it really should be sent right away or within three months of the wedding.
http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/tips/wedding_gifts.htm
From the Emily post institute:
<h3>How soon should I send a gift? </h3>Preferably, send the gift to the bride before the wedding or to the couple soon thereafter. In some regions gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. Contrary to a current rumor that you have a year to send a gift, it really should be sent right away or within three months of the wedding.
That being said, I think a gift is nice whenever it arrives (although I don't expect everyone to bring one!) I understand why you may feel frustrated by people saying "I have a year-ha!" all the time though. :/ Just try to enjoy your married life and "get on with it" as you said--go ahead and send thank yous for coming so you can feel like you completed that task and it's not hanging over you. Complete your registry, decorate your home, and enjoy your hubby!
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Along the same lines, I hate that people think it's OK to postpone sending thank-you notes for a year too. I think waiting longer than a month is rude.
Lina, according to our beloved Emily Post, the bride and groom have 3 months to send a thank you note for your gift. Personally, I have been working on a photo collage thank you card (since we got back from our honeymoon) and I only now got our proofs back from our photographer (2 months later) to add to it!
What happened to the etiqutte of being greatful for a gift whenever you receive it?
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yes but what also happened to the etiquette of "do to others what they did for you". while yes, any gift at any time should be appreciated, it's annoying when you attended Guest X's wedding and promptly gave a wedding gift but have to wait MANY months for him/her to send you one.
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I'm sorry but this is a riduclous post. There is never a "REQUIREMENT" to give a gift...on the day of the wedding or a year from the day of the wedding. You are lucky enough to find someone you love, to get married, and to be able to have "a day" all about you and your love.
Not to be cliche, but there are people without enough food to eat, who don't have jobs right now, who struggle with credit debt and whether or not they will have a roof over their head tomorrow. And you DO NOT know about the circumstances of your guests, regardless of how "close" you are to them or whether or not they CLAIM to have a gift at home.
What I'm trying to say, in the nicest way possible (as my own MOTHER would say to me about silly things like this): GET OVER IT.
And I really do mean that in a nice way. I'm not trying to be mean, just realistic. You are, afterall, complaining about GIFTS you have not received, not some true injustice against you or a loved one.
Gift (definition from Dictionary.com): something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.
wow. harsh words. i really don't think she was being ungrateful, i just think she was aggravated because people were telling her that they had gifts, yet they weren't giving them to her. that, in fact, is strange and i'm assuming, quite annoying.
I'm really not trying to be harsh, just realistic. So many of these posts on Weddingbee are all about "poor me, no gift". Maybe I will feel different in a year, when it's really my turn. But I have attended many weddings and given many nice gifts and my fiancé and I (with all our experience) are trying to take a different approach: it's not about how much we spend to have them attend the wedding, but about the celebration and how lucky we are to have all our dear friends in attendance for our important day.
I really just wish people wouldn't harp on the gift part -- it's not the point of getting married. But I'm sorry I came across harsh. I really am.
@NYCBride2008: I am a NYC Bride 2009. I know how difficult/expensive it is to have a wedding here in the Big Apple. But I really don't think people don't send/give gifts as a personal affront. They just have their own reasons for not taking care of it sooner (if at all). Just remember how lucky you are to have what you have. The rest of it is just details.
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or maybe she KNOWS the circumstances of her guests. i think one of the "perks" of weddingbee forums is that brides can discuss some of their issues anonymously... things you may not feel comfortable discussing with your friends. just let the girl vent a little. what's the big deal. and honestly, i go to weddings and give gifts so yes, i would expect gifts in return. is that asking a lot? maybe, maybe not - depends on your perspective. it's like everything else in life. do you bring a gift to a birthday party? do you buy your mom a mother's day gift? do you bring something to a housewarming? it's all about etiquette!
ps. the bold and the caps are a bit annoying. but i guess i'll GET OVER IT
to support OP, as a wedding guest who is also a bride-to-be, i think it's really irritating when people postpone their gifts for no good reason... certainly, people are in different financial circumstances, but i'm thinking of friends who say "oh, my job is really busy, but i have a year..." We're all busy. Aren't we lucky that there are registries? I was busy, and I had time to order them something. If you have a weekend to go to their wedding, you have 15 minutes to go on the department store website. it's good etiquette. get it done.
@Lindsey:
Very, very well said. I am astonished at the people who are "annoyed" that people are putting off getting them gifts - being annoyed at procrastination on a joint project for work or school, or on a deadline for a financial matter, or on a whole lot of things; they all seem reasonable to be annoyed at.
But we are talking about GIFTS, people. Buy whats on your registry if you have some time crunch going on, and of you get a second gift of the same thing, return it. Ebay it, Craigslist it. You are lucky to get a present, no matter what you spent on the other people. I am astonished, and frankly, disgusted, at the greed that is implied with the impatience. Maybe that is why they keep putting it off - you are expecting it too much.
Everyone needs to chill out and stop being so judgemental. Would it be terrible if all of these brides were complaining about not getting a GIFT? Yes. But, if you look at the majority of the posts you're railing against, the brides are upset that they didn't even get a card, a note, some acknowledgement of the happy event.
Honestly, how hard is it just to sign a card and write a note of kind wishes to the couple? I just got married, and I was shocked at how many people completely ignored the fact that we chose them to share the day with us. Some people even brought an uninvited guest AND no card! It's not about money- I got a few cards that were just that- cards with a nice message, which is totally fine with me if times have been hard for the guest. It was nice to know that those people at least didn't see our wedding as an excuse to eat free food, drink free wine, and see friends. It was, you know- a WEDDING!
I would never dare receive the honor of being included in someone's wedding day and not bring them some token of my appreciation- anything! I don't make a lot of money AT ALL, but I give as much as I truly can for weddings. Even if I hadn't a penny to my name, I would draw some flowers or something on some computer paper and write, "Here's wishing you a long and happy life together" on the inside. I mean, seriously, how clueless and rude can people be?!
As a wedding guest, I would never dream of not giving someone a gift.
However, as a bride I feel differently. My wedding will be a destination wedding for 90% of our invited guests. I don't feel like our guests should feel honored that we chose to share the day with them. WE are the ones who should feel honored that they traveled to celebrate with us. WE are the ones who will be appreciative of anyone being included in our day. Ticket and hotel prices alone make me feel extremely guilty; a gift on top of all that would almost be too much. I think their presence shows how much they care.
Hooray for lofi! These judgmental comments make me want to never comment on this forum again. People do need to chill out. I guess I also have to APOLOGIZE in my thank you cards which have taken me many many hours to create (see Mrs. Spider and Mrs. Eggplant's pieces of work) because my guests won't get them for 2.5 months. Sorry. Sheesh. 
Ladies, this is turning into a thread as crazy as those over at The Kn*t...lol
I agree with most of the posters here...it's not about the gifts, it's about the day. Yes, it is annoying that most people think they have a year-but I also think that people are embarassed if they didn't bring something to the event-and they think you care-so they feel the need to make up an excuse as to why they haven't given it yet. It's just how people are.
I personally went to a family members wedding two summers ago-I traveled from Boston to Seattle and on from there. I didn't have enough money to get a gift-but I wanted to spend the day with my cousin and make it special for her. I worried for a long time that she would be hurt that I didn't bring a gift-cut to a month later-I received the most amazing thanks you card telling me how awesome it was to have me celebrate with her and the family.
At first I was a little upset when I realized how many people didn't get us a gift or a card, but then I started to notice that items off of our registry were being purchased AFTER the wedding. Three of our friends bought us gifts two months later and I just noticed today that two family members bought gifts today. Macy's keeps wedding registries up for 18 months and tupperware keeps theirs up for 12 months. I think that many people like to wait and see what the couple needs after the wedding -- what is left on the registry. Some don't have the money (we got married in August and some of our friends are teachers who don't get paid during the summer, first paycheck is October 1st), some are so busy around the wedding time (coming back from vaction, work, etc...) they they just didn't have time to put thought into the gift. Ands still some want to see what the wedding is like and judge what they give based on the event. Whatever the reason, I think that there is a general understanding that wedding gifts do not need to be given right away and they are not to be expected either. That said, though it felt great to open all the gifts and cards when we returned from our honeymoon -- it is even more fun to find new gifts on our doorstep three months later!
For all you Holier-Than-Thou posters, the OP specifically said that she didn't care if people never gave a gift. So please get off your high horses. And the whole "get over it" thing is kind of strange too. She's posting here, where brides come to vent, get advice, etc., there's no evidence that she's talking about this in her real life non-stop. If brides get attacked here, then that's really a shame.
And that's what she is getting: solicited advice. Opinions are inherent in giving advice. No one is attacking - in fact, I think the post has gone on long enough that people don't remember the original post.
There are differing opinions - that's why we share, offer advice and an alternate perspective. If someone's opinion sounds harsh, then disregard it. C'mon, you're tougher than that, aren't you?
After 30 posts I think it's safe to say that some people are irked or upset that a gift has been promised but hasn't been given, and others aren't. I won't weigh in on this one except to say that if you post on a message board - I would hope that you would anticipate varying opinions. If you want 30 people to pat you on the back and tell you how right you are, you will not find that on any any online forum.
WB has a great board with lovely and down to earth women. Let's keep it that way and keep respecting each other. There's enough wedding stress w/out online bantering.
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i know youre not supposed to expect gifts, but i was just married this past week and my husband and i are so confused. we had about 120 people there and only received 11 gifts :( we didnt have the wedding to get the gifts., were are absolutely ecstatic with one another and could live in a shack if needed, but we just didnt know this actually happens. especially after this year of hearing from all our newlywed friends "we did so well at our wedding!" its just confusing.
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Where did this ridiculous notion come from that people have a year to give a wedding gift? And why do so many people feel they need to abide by it?
We had a pretty large amount of people not get us gifts for our June wedding. Fine, it was a little weird, but I know no one is required to give a gift and I am honored they they were there at all. However, I keep hearing from people that they have a present for us and just haven't bothered to give it to us yet. And then they all say, "I do have a year! Ha!" What? It's been 4 months - if you have the gift in your possession, please give it to us. If not, then don't mention it at all. We want to buy the rest of our stuff off our registries at our completion discount, put away our Thank You cards, and generally get on with married life. Why the procrastination?!