Post # 1
I know that nobody is as excited about a wedding as the bride herself, but I feel like our close family doesn’t really care. We’ve been together for 6 years (since we were 17) and we have a 4 year old son. So we’re already “living married” I guess you could say. We’ve been talking about marriage since we first started dating but I wanted to wait because I was afraid of what everyone would say about being too young. Then we had a baby and we wanted to get married as soon as he was born and the main reason we didn’t was because we couldn’t afford the kind of wedding I wanted…but also because I didn’t want people to think we were getting married just because we had a baby. And we were still young. So we’ve waited all these years..mainly because I wanted to have a decent wedding, not just go to the courthouse. I wanted to wait until we were closer to 25 because I thought that was more acceptable. Now it’s 6 years later, we’re 23 (still pretty young) with a kid and I feel like nobody gives a sh*t anymore. By the time our engagement was actually official, I feel like people were either thinking “bout time.” or “weren’t they already married??” I mean obviously our engagement was no huge surprise to everyone but i just want people to be excited for us. I know nobody will be as excited for us as they would for say, a couple who just graduated college with no kids and no living together before marriage, but many couples are unconventional these days (especially my own family lol.) I know I need to STOP worrying what other people think but it’s hard not to.
My older sister loves being in the spotlight. She just had her second baby (yay!) But when she was pregnant, she said that if our other sister got pregnant at the same time, she’d be mad because it would take the attention away from her. I got engaged while she was pregnant and I think it made her a little bitter or something. She constantly talks about baby stuff (understandably) but whenever I bring up anything wedding she would start rubbing her baby belly saying “ouch..baby’s foot is in my rib” and just change the subject back to baby stuff.
My mom is the one who I’m most sad about. She LOVES weddings. She’s constantly watching wedding shows on tv, she used to always say that her dream career is to be a wedding planner. She used to buy bridal magazines just to look at them (before any of her daughters were even close to marriage haha.) My older sister got married at the courthouse a few years ago. Awhile ago, I would always talk about how I’d love to have a destination wedding with only me, my future hubby and our son. It would be sweet and intimate and only about us. But my mom would flip whenever I brought up this idea…saying she wants atleast one of her daughter’s to go through the real wedding process. Before I was even engaged, she used to get on the computer and look up all kinds of different wedding ideas for me. But now she hasn’t looked up anything. Hasn’t brought up anything about the wedding. If we ever talk about it, *I’m* the one who has to bring it up…and even then she doesn’t seem too excited. She did go with me to look at my venue and she’s going to put down the deposit so I’m very grateful for that..but I’m just getting such a negative vibe from her. And I’ve even told her that I feel like I can’t talk about the wedding to anyone except my fiance because he’s the only one that acts interested. She insisted that that wasn’t true…but she still acts the same way. All I want is for someone to act excited when I show them the dress I want. Something! 🙁
The only reason we didn’t elope before was because I was afraid of what my parents would say. But at this point, eloping sounds amazing right now! I just want to forget the world and run off with my little family.
Anyone else in a situation like this?
Post # 3
I have no advice to add but *hug*
I would have said “tell your mum how you feel” but you already have, I also would have said that perhaps she is afraid of being too excited because you might want that Destination Wedding, but you’ve already put down a deposit on a venue! Perhaps she’s afraid of taking over?
Post # 4
@Soon2bMrsVk: sorry to hear this, is your older sister married? Do you think she complained to your mum about you getting engaged while she was pregnant (which is a silly thing for her to get upset about) and your mum doesnt want to get over excited about it? Are your parents helping out more finacially apart from the venue? Could your mum have financial problems which she is worrying about paying but not wanting to say anything to you while you are excited about the wedding? It is hard when people dont get excited, we have a few people who are the same with us, esp as we have been togther for a long time, living together etc.
Post # 5
I’ve felt this way too throughout the wedding planning process. Alot of people just act like weddings are a huge hassle, rather than a happy event, which is a huge letdown! But, focus on planning the wedding you and your Fiance want, maybe find some friends you can talk about it with, and there’s always the bees here Congrats!
Post # 6
If you start talking about it constantly then they’ll HAVE to listen, and might become more interested. Start sending your mum & sis your ‘inspiration’ pics by email, ask their opinions. My suggestion is just engage them more. Cant say this will definitely change their attitude but at least theyll be more involved. You’re right tho, noone will care more about your wedding than you – except maybe some etiquette police on weddingbee LOL hugs & enjoy this special time, planning ur wedding with your fiancee
Post # 7
I gotta say too, just to maybe reassure you a bit, I don’t think anyone bought up my wedding once the whole time we were planning except the generic ‘how’s the planning’ or ‘so, what are your plans for the wedding’. We certainly didn’t talk about flowers or favours, even with mum. I bought our wedding up a lot though because i was excited to talk about it with anyone that would listen!
Post # 8
I also felt like a lot of people weren’t particularly excited about my wedding. My mom was pretty distance about the planning… I felt kind of bad about that. Since the wedding is over now, she’s told me that she stepped back so I could tell her how I wanted things. She didn’t want to be too controlling.
This was actually super nice (she can sort of “push” me into doing things her way!) but I’d have liked to have known earlier. I’d have ASKED her to be more involved. Instead Mother-In-Law took a lot of the planning tasks as her own. (I was planning from a distance, both my mom and Mother-In-Law live near the wedding site, but I’m states & a time zone away.)
Since your mom has said that she DOES care about your wedding/is excited, then you should take her at her word. Share your thoughts with her and ask for her opinion. Ask her if she’d like to do X wedding thing with you. (Like dress shopping or cake tasting.) When there’s somehting that she does want to do with you make sure that you are considerate of her schedule – if she works on Tuesday – Saturday, try to get an appointment on her days off (for example.)
As for your sister – you’re a mom too… you know what it’s like to have an infant. Celebrate her baby with her. At an appropriate time, (not a baby shower or other baby event!) ask her if she would like to have a planning/BM/whatever-you’re-anticipating-for-her role in the wedding, or if she thinks she’ll be too swamped with her new bundle of joy. And respect her decision… it’s way easier to be on good terms with family members, especially while planning a wedding.
I don’t think you ought to talk non-stop about all things wedding though. That gets old FAST for everyone around you!
It certainly is hard when it feels that you aren’t important to loved ones, but we can’t change another person’s actions; we can only change how we react and interact with others. If you try to involve the people who you want involved, things might just turn out closer to the way you dreamed!