Post # 1
This has been bugging me for a week. Every time this one friend of mine rubs me the wrong way (who i asked to be a bm when we were in a good spell, obviously a year ago), I think about what I’ll do next time to fix this and let her know I don’t appreciate her ignorant comments. I know she’s relatively insecure and jealous in general and that portrays to most people around her and we all realize this. She can also be very sweet, so I chalk it up to a) immaturity and b) learning the basics about life away from her sheltered home. I keep telling myself when she grows up, she’ll grow into a better friend. We used to be close, but things happened in college (husband’s deployment, brother’s death, parents almost divorcing over stuff with brother, etc) that caused me to grow up really fast. And now there’s this huge emotional gap between us.
Recently, she told me that she’s GLAD I gained 10 pounds after my wedding because I didn’t look good at my wedding, that I was much too skinny Mind you, I’m 5’11” and I weighed 165 pounds. 22% body fat. HEALTHY. Healthy. I wear a size 8 dammit! I know I’m tall and I know there are some people probably rolling their eyes at me, but…tell me this is something I SHOULD be irritated about! It took every ounce of willpower to not shoot something snotty right back at her about HER weight, but I’m too mature for that…I think . You don’t fight fire with fire.
I’m so pissed now though. I let it slide and now I’m going “wtf is my problem? why didn’t i SAY something?”
So this is mostly a vent. Anybody who looks at me knows I’m not a waif and knows I’m not underweight. But to be told that I basically didn’t look good on my own wedding day?! I mean…is it time this friendship has run its course? I should also mention this particular bridesmaid got me a a few B&BW items for a wedding gift, which my husband opened up. That really got to me too. Terribly impersonal and seeing as how I purchased their dresses, paid for hair and makeup, I’m wondering why she didn’t get US a wedding gift, not just ME. Lotion and scrub and bath gel? Obviously my husband doesn’t use that stuff. GRRRRRR
Post # 3
at least she didn’t say your fat 🙂 it is better to be skinny. brush it off and move on, i t really was just a backhanded compliment!
Post # 4
regarding the weight, sounds like she is just envious of you!!! as for the gift, yeah that would bug me too. ….doesn’t sound like the best of friendships to me. (((HUGS)))
Post # 5
jealously is a monster…..
Post # 6
Ugh, thats so annoying.
If I were you I’d put some space between myself and this “friend”. Now that your wedding is over, you don’t have to be nice to her b/c she is your BM.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
It’s hard to react immediately when someone says something so rude like that… regardless of if she is jealous that you looked beautiful on your wedding day or not, you just don’t say things about people’s weight to them. Ever. I feel like the only time it’s ever okay to say something to someone is if you’re genuinely concerned that they have an eating disorder or that they’re really jeopardizing their health. It sounds like you are/were neither. I think you should say something to her, because she should know that you were hurt by her comments. If she doesn’t take it well and the friendship ends, it sounds like that wouldn’t be the end of the world for you? But I still think she needs to be told that her words were hurtful and impolite.
Regarding her wedding gift, I think you should keep that out of your discussion with her. Some people don’t know how to go about wedding gifts, and maybe she was strapped for cash, even though you very kindly purchased her dress/hair/makeup for the wedding. Although it is the norm to give a gift, it is not required of guests to give you a gift for your wedding. I’d probably be just as hurt as you, but I don’t think that would have been a problem if you weren’t already upset about the things she has said. I would focus on that as the main problem and forget about the gift issue.
Post # 8
like you said, she’s immature. mix that up with jealousy, and you’ve got a big mess – you’re better than that to worry about her ingraciousness – hopefully one day she’ll realize it and apologize. until then, just let it go, as much as it’s hard to…you have love and support here, so just remember that =)
Post # 9
That’s not a very nice thing to say to someone at all but I agree that, as you said, she’s jealous and immature. I’m sure you looked stunning on your wedding day. The lotion/bath scrub thing is odd but again maybe that can be chalked up to her immaturity? If, aside from issues that occurred during the wedding, you feel she says/does things that are hurtful then space is needed between you for sure.
Post # 10
So she couldn’t call you fat, huh? So she had to settle with too skinny? LOL. Congrats on keeping your cool with confronted with a very uncool comment. If you’re still hurt a week later, maybe mention to her that your feelings were hurt so she knows that her words have the power to wound, but really – you’re so beyond these petty jealousies. You had a lovely wedding.
Post # 11
Wow, it surprises me someone that immature and jealous managed to keep her mouth shut during your wedding!
Post # 12
Ugh. Your friend sounds really obnoxious. Just ignore it. I am tall too (5’10"), and on the thinner side, and I whenever I get comments like that, I just tell myself, this is really sad, that this person is so insecure with themselves that they feel the need to weigh in (no pun intended:) on my weight or appearance. I had a friend who used to say stuff like that all the time, and I just stopped hanging out with her. Life is too short for people like that!
Sorry to hear that it’s bugging you. Good thing you have an awesome husband to hang out with instead! And other good friends too! 🙂 I would just focus on the other people in your life who are positive and more fun to be around.
Post # 13
well, you know where she’s coming from. i find that when most people say negative things about others, it is just a reflection of their own insecurities about themselves.
she is obviously very immature. if she says/does something like that again, i would not say something mean about her. just tell her right then and there that you don’t appreciate her negative comments and if she has nothing nice to say, then she can keep her thoughts to herself.
then let her own them. because, they are her thoughts after all.
Post # 14
Well EJS — we’ve seen pics of you on your wedding day and you look every bit healthy! I think this is probably a reflection of some of her own personal issues.
Post # 15
Awww I’m so sorry you had to go through that! I think you’re at a very healthy weight. To me, it’s all about health, not weight. I would just ignore your friend’s comment and don’t worry about not having a comeback– you’re too mature for that! I’m sure you got millions of compliments on your wedding day, so just think of those and don’t let one person’s lame comment get you down. 🙂
Post # 16
Thanks ladies. I feel better after some positive feedback. The hubs says to brush it off, but us women aren’t so good at that.
I’ve been telling myself all day that next time she says something like that, I’m just going to say “X, that’s rude”. It’s my new mantra