nobody to walk me down the aisle? (an update)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sweetie, I’m so so sorry to hear this!

I CAN understand your dilemma. I won’t threadjack, but my Father (who raised me and is still married to my Mom) has no interest in attending my wedding, or walking me down the aisle. I’ll be having my male best friend (man of honor) walk me down.

As much as I love my MOH, it is VERY hurtful that my Father won’t be there. So, although I have no solutions to “replace” your Father; you absolutely shouldn’t walk down the aisle alone if you don’t want to. Decide what you want; ask both of your Dads to submit to that. If your Stepfather decides not to share (but your bio Dad is willing), let your bio Dad walk you down. I feel they should both be able to put aside their personal feelings and do what you want on this day.

Post # 4
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@HisQueen2Be:  “If your Stepfather decides not to share (but your bio Dad is willing), let your bio Dad walk you down.”  +10000000

@delovely13:  Your stepdad and mom are being a bit childish here.  Divorce and stepfamilies are tough.  My parents are divorced too, and my mom is still with the man she left my dad over!  But when we have big family events, they both show up and are civil to each other.  That’s how grown-ups act.  I think your stepdad is being a jerk right now.  You’re offering him a HUGE honor, the chance to demonstrate to your entire community that he helped raise you as a father-figure, and instead he’s throwing it back in your face.  So, fine.  Let him walk your mom down the aisle and they can sit and watch your dad bring you in.  

In other words, you can’t force your stepdad to take on an honored position in your wedding.  So don’t.
I know this is so hurtful and my heart breaks for you, but I think this is the best solution.

Post # 5
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Your step-dad needs to get over himself. I would ask both and whoever agrees gets to participate. If your step-dad can’t behave like an adult for FIVE MINUTES then he doesn’t get the honor of walking you down the aisle.

I had a friend who got married a couple of years ago and had a similar issue. Except her bio dad was the one who wouldn’t agree to it. He ended up not even coming to the wedding, which I know really hurt her, but it forced her to realize that at the end of the day, he’s not a very good father. 

Good luck!

Post # 6
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@delovely13:  Unfortunately, your stepdad’s behavior and unwillingness to compromise makes me more likely to fall on your dad’s side in this argument.  Your stepdad (and mom) needs to grow up and deal with the fact that your dad is your dad and you will always want him in your life.  If your stepdad can’t compromise then you know what, he doesn’t truly love you enough to understand.  I would tell stepdad that you really want for him to walk you part of the way down the aisle and that if HE chooses not to, then that is HIS decision.  Have dad walk you down the aisle.

Post # 7
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Oh OP I’m sorry this is a tough situation. I agree with @HisQueen2Be you shouldn’t walk down the aisle alone. Do you have another person you are close with that would be honored to walk you down the aisle? I think your step father is being unreasonable. If he won’t agree to what you ask and you don’t think your bio dad deserves that honor I would have each of them at the end of the aisle to hug as you suggested then have another person walk you down the aisle. I think your step dad is acting like a spoiled child, I mean it’s less than 2 minutes, it doesn’t mean you are a happy family, it means that these dads love you and will put aside their differences/past for a short time to make you a happy bride.

Post # 8
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh, I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this situation! I really don’t think you’re asking too much and I can’t believe they’re making this about them, not you.

Any chance you would be willing to do this in a different way? I’m Swedish, and there it’s tradition that the bride and groom walk in together. It symbolizes equality and that both partners are walking into to the marriage with joy. My DH is Canadian, but loved this tradition when I told him about it. Would something like that be a possible solution if you can’t solve your problem?

Post # 9
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Wow, this is a sticky situation, and one that I’m familiar with. My stepdad raised me, and I can imagine him having a very difficult time if he isn’t the sole person to walk me down the aisle. I feel like if I was dealing with this scenerio, I’d tell everyone to cooperate or that I’m walking down the aisle by myself. 

Post # 10
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@delovely13:  Sigh. I went back and read your original post.

We have very similar lives in terms of parental involvement. In my life, there is no way I would exclude my stepdad and have my biodad walk me down the aisle. If my stepdad told me that it’s important to him to walk me, I would give him that honour in an instant and not have him even question who I hold in higher regard. My stepdad is a father to me and raised me. My biodad drifted in and out when it was convenient for him and his other family. It’s a lot easier to step up to the plate when your kids are older than to be an active father when your children are growing up.

If your stepdad was there for you growing up, then I can see how it would really upset and frustrate him that you are giving him an equal role to your absent father. 

Post # 11
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

1. Your parents need to realize that this is not about them or their feelings.

2. If no other day, your wedding day IS the day to try to be a “big happy family.”

They’re being fucking ridiculous. DH’s parents are divorced. 25+ years later, his mom is STILL really bitter about it, and absolutely HATES DH’s stepmom (who FIL met YEARS after the divorce), MIL and her mom make quips about FIL’s parents, etc. Guess what? They sucked it up for our wedding, and I even saw them chatting NICELY. FIL told us later that he really felt like it was a nice mending point for the families (although I’m sure MIL disagrees), but, if nothing else, they played nice for a few hours.

Post # 12
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@eocenia:  +1

@delovely13:  If it’s really upsetting you and no one can come to a compromise without you being really upset about it all, I would also suggest walking down the aisle with your groom.  We did this and we loved it.  We felt on equal terms.  Plus, we found it calmed our nerves signicantly.

Then all of your parens can have their moment to watch you walk down the aisle.

Post # 13
44 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014

“He said this is not the time to try to be a “big happy family”.”

Ummm, actually, this is exactly the time to try. They’re being ridiculous. I agree that if your bio-dad is being more open and accomodating, let him do it.  I don’t think weddings are necessarily the time and place to ‘make a statement’ but your mom and stepdad are making this way harder than it should be.


I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. There is no easy answer.

Post # 14
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I agree with pretty much what everyone else is saying – this is Exactly the time to be a big happy family, it is a marriage of the one thing that all 3 of them have in common – their love for you!

As hard as it may be, realize that this is not your fault or anything that you did – this is their issue and it is causing you undue stress in planning your big day. 

You are asking your bio and stepdad to be a part of your day and if they decline because of silly reasons, that is on them, not you. I see nothing wrong with walking alone, and have considered it for myself. Do what feels right and who knows, maybe your stepdad will fight it until the end and then realize at the 11th hour that he needs to be there for you. 

Good luck!



Post # 15
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ugh, I am SO sorry you are going through this!!!  


It sucks went grown-a** adults cannot put aside their differences and suck it up for just ONE DAY.     Part of being a PARENT is putting aside your issues for your CHILD when they need it.  To me, your step-dad isn’t being much of a DAD in this situation, he is being very very selfish.  

I would walk down with your bio-dad, since he at least is being the better person here.

  If that still makes you feel uncomfortable, you could walk down alone, and have both of the dads there waiting at the end of the aisle, to give you a hug and do a hand-off to your groom.  I did that with my dad and it worked very nicely.    


Just keep in mind that it doesn’t matter who walks you down the aisle or who is there or not there for your wedding…what matters is that you marry the man of your dreams and that you start your life together!!   Don’t let something this small ruin your wedding!!

Post # 16
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

I am so sorry.
How does your dad feel?
Do you have any solutions you are looking into?
You could always have you MOH walk you. Or walk alon but that still leaves the “Who gives this woman to be married to this man” part. <that’s pretty tricky.
What have you told your mom and step dad?
They sound really unreasonable. It’s clear you are trying to comprimise but there response is, “Pick me, and kick your dad to the curb, or i’ll be mad.” They need to realize this is your wedding day and not theres.
Ugh. I wish they would just get over themselves so you can have the day you deserve.

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