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I'm sure you've already sent out invites but is there any other reason you couldn't change the date? I would do it in a heartbeat if that was the only thing holding you back. Unless there's no more days available at the place you're having your shower. I'm sorry girl! Hopefully yall can figure this out! :)
I'm totally with you...my shower is going to be in the same city as the wedding (where FI & I presently live), but since 80% of our guest list are OOT, I've got less than 10 people, possibly only FIVE, attending. My family lives in HI & I can't blame them for not wanting to shell out $1000+ just to come for a shower; FI's family lives in SF & I can't blame them for not wanting to shell out $300+, or drive 6+ hours just for a shower; and many college friends live out of state (since our colleges were in the Midwest) & I can't blame them for not wanting to schlep it here just for a shower.
I try to concentrate on the positive: both my BMs will be here (as they are throwing it), one of my good local friends has offered to host it at her new house, & my mom is REALLY trying very hard to come up for it. The extra effort going into it to make it fun and memorable for all attending is the greatest gift I'm getting for my shower.
I can't move the shower because we paid a deposit on the location. It's going to be held at a local crafts studio and it's more of a workshop than a shower. We'll get to learn how to do silk screening.
Ooooh, fun! Can I come to your shower? I'm local (LA)...
But seriously, tough spot...are you close enough to your best guy bud to let him know how you feel & see if at least he'll be around? I don't know if that's a relationship faux pas, but it's something I would do with my best guy bud & his wife & I get along really well, so she'd probably understand.
Or, could you tweak the start time of your event? If you make it earlier or later, would that enable people who are invited to both to actually attend both? Maybe ask the friends who are throwing your shower to put the feelers out on that suggestion & see if guests would be willing to attend both.
Well, luckily there's only one person going to Vegas. My Dude of Honor is now saying he'll definitely be at the shower with his fiance and the baby because traveling is just too stressful. So, that's at least four. Plus, one of my bridesmaids will probably be there because she's coming through town on the way to a conference in Northern California. But I'm in the same boat with the OOT guests; my family is in Ohio and my FI's family is in San Diego. So no family members will be there. I invited a future sister-in-law, but she'll probably be too busy studying to come either. (She graduates from law school the next week)
Why are you planning your shower and getting the RSVPs back? I don't think you should be doing that. Other people are supposed to host the shower for you.
It's an evite so I can see the RSVPs. I didn't want to kill trees with fancy invites. And I've been helping with the shower planning because my dude of honor has a two month old and the only other local bridesmaid is going on vacation for two weeks to go pick up her new car in Germany.
I'm probably just not having one, since everyone is scattered across the country. :-( We didn't have an engagement party either.
It will be okay though :-)
I think the right thing to do when your families and WP don't plan a shower is not to have a shower rather than planning one for yourself. Not only because it's not good etiquette, but because you end up with situations like this one, where barely anyone comes!
I am in a similar situation: both families live in other cities, and only one BM is local (and she travels all week, every week for her job). I really really wanted a shower, but accepted the fact that I wouldn't have one. Then, completely unexpectedly, my BMs decided to throw one for me and my mom offered to help them. Because they are planning it themselves and taking their own schedules into account, I know that the date will work for them and that they will come.
I didn't plan it for myself, I just helped with picking out the food and location.
If it makes you feel better, only 2 of my BM's are coming to my shower...I know, it really really sucks :( I'm sorry...But it will still be fun, even if it's only a few friends bc it will be a celebration of you!
@GirlWithARing: I don't think @BrianneG is planning the shower herself, so no breach in etiquette. She can see the RSVPs because it's an evite (she's going green/saving money...my BMs may go this route as well, since my shower will be tiny, too & all the invitees are very web savvy), so she knows from this that there are few attendees.
For those of us with many OOT guests/DWs it can be harder to have a shower. Traditionally, the shower is meant to "shower" the bride with gifts that either prepare her for her married life or provide her with "necessities" for her honeymoon/trousseau (this was an upperclass tradition, since upperclass women didn't need appliances in married life - they had servants/hired services). Since the traditional invitees (family, mom's/FMIL's friends, bride's friends) aren't around in the above situation, the attendance rate is down. It has nothing to do with the fact that the shower was planned by the bride...the attendees just aren't near the shower site.
And, finally, the bride encouraged her hosts to change the date to accommodate another mutual friend's bachelorette party, for which that date was changed, forcing mutual friends/invitees to both events to choose.
Please post replies that help the OP either solve her dilemma, comiserate to show her she's not alone, or help her cope with the emotional pain of having a small bridal shower, rather than state "what you should have done, but can't anymore" scenarios. Those kinds of scenarios probably belong in another thread.
(Note: @BrianneG, sorry if I overstepped my boundaries in replying, but I just felt what I said needed to be said.)
That was very nice of you, actually. You got it all correct.
@BrianneG: 
no problem, sister...I feel your pain & that pain is justified.
Have you called the location to find out if it's too late to get your deposit back? Even if they say nonrefundable, it probably is not!
Talk to them and tell them you have a serious conflict and can't do it, but will book with them for a new date if they will honor your first deposit, but if not you will take your business elsewhere.
My guess is they will bend to accommodate you.
I used to work in hotels and have friends and family in the business. The customer is always right!!!!!!!!!
Aw, I'm sorry. I had most people bail out at the last for mine. One was snowed in in DC (understandable), one fell on the ice and could only schedule an MRI for that day (but sent her hubby down to drop off her gift). One caught bug from her kid. The one that pissed me off though was the one who didn't want to leave the baby home with her husband cause he had a cold. and didn't want to bring said baby to the shower cause it was too cold out. (Meanwhile my cousin lugged her TWINS, a 2 months younger than said baby, out from L.I.). And since this girl was diriving 2 others, they didn't come either. And yet we had a WONDERFUL time. You'll get yesses, and even if it's only a few, you will still have a great time - mine actually was better cause I could talk one on one to the few who were there, and then we all went back to my parents' house and hung out all night. It was great! It sucks (and hurts) but don't worry, and truly enjoy the company of those that do come.
Due to long distance and some other commitments, many people did not come to my shower and bachelorette party. At first, I was pretty hurt but both experiences turned out really fun. I could bond with the friends that did come, and I had a great time. Sometimes its hard to manage a larger group, and this way you get to spend extra attention with each guest. I still had a slight ache in my heart for friends that flaked.... however after having my wedding and realizing that is the day that really counts above all. The shower and bachelorette party is a blip on the radar. You will no longer care that your shower was small after your wedding, you will regain perspective about what really matters. Don't stress it will all be great and memorable, keep your eyes on the prize and that is marrying your fiance on your wonderful wedding day
Aw I'm sorry. I'm dealing with a similar situation right now with my shower. Is it possible that people have just been lazy about RSVP-ing? I thought I had 0 people coming, but one friend just mentioned he's planning on coming (just hadn't gotten around to officially RSVP-ing.)
My daughter didn't get a wedding shower, because my mom died exactly 1 month before her wedding :(
She already has a 3 yr old daughter, A new friend wanted to give her a shower for her 2nd baby (girl) next month for her baby due June 5- so I guess it's ok to have another baby shower, since she didn't get a bridal one-And the two girls will be born in different seasons, and apparently her crazy MIL LOST all of the newborn baby clothes she saved from the first baby (They were living at her house at the time).
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I've only received "no"s so far for my shower invites. I purposefully scheduled it around another friend's bachelorette party but she moved it to the same weekend. Now my dude of honor might not come because he might go to Vegas with his fiance and their baby to go to the other bachelorette party. Plus, two friends are going to be out of the country. So The maximum number of people allowed at the venue is 12, but I don't think we'll even hit that number based on the RSVPs. I know it's not their fault, but I'm still sad.