(Closed) Nobody’s coming to my shower

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m sure you’ve already sent out invites but is there any other reason you couldn’t change the date? I would do it in a heartbeat if that was the only thing holding you back. Unless there’s no more days available at the place you’re having your shower. I’m sorry girl! Hopefully yall can figure this out! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m totally with you…my shower is going to be in the same city as the wedding (where FI & I presently live), but since 80% of our guest list are OOT, I’ve got less than 10 people, possibly only FIVE, attending.  My family lives in HI & I can’t blame them for not wanting to shell out $1000+ just to come for a shower; FI’s family lives in SF & I can’t blame them for not wanting to shell out $300+, or drive 6+ hours just for a shower; and many college friends live out of state (since our colleges were in the Midwest) & I can’t blame them for not wanting to schlep it here just for a shower. 

I try to concentrate on the positive: both my BMs will be here (as they are throwing it), one of my good local friends has offered to host it at her new house, & my mom is REALLY trying very hard to come up for it.  The extra effort going into it to make it fun and memorable for all attending is the greatest gift I’m getting for my shower.

Post # 6
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ooooh, fun!  Can I come to your shower?  I’m local (LA)…

But seriously, tough spot…are you close enough to your best guy bud to let him know how you feel & see if at least he’ll be around?  I don’t know if that’s a relationship faux pas, but it’s something I would do with my best guy bud & his wife & I get along really well, so she’d probably understand.

Or, could you tweak the start time of your event?  If you make it earlier or later, would that enable people who are invited to both to actually attend both?  Maybe ask the friends who are throwing your shower to put the feelers out on that suggestion & see if guests would be willing to attend both.

Post # 8
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Why are you planning your shower and getting the RSVPs back?  I don’t think you should be doing that.  Other people are supposed to host the shower for you.

Post # 10
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I’m probably just not having one, since everyone is scattered across the country. ๐Ÿ™  We didn’t have an engagement party either.

 

It will be okay though ๐Ÿ™‚  

Post # 11
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think the right thing to do when your families and WP don’t plan a shower is not to have a shower rather than planning one for yourself. Not only because it’s not good etiquette, but because you end up with situations like this one, where barely anyone comes! 

I am in a similar situation: both families live in other cities, and only one BM is local (and she travels all week, every week for her job). I really really wanted a shower, but accepted the fact that I wouldn’t have one. Then, completely unexpectedly, my BMs decided to throw one for me and my mom offered to help them. Because they are planning it themselves and taking their own schedules into account, I know that the date will work for them and that they will come. 

Post # 13
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

If it makes you feel better, only 2 of my BM’s are coming to my shower…I know, it really really sucks ๐Ÿ™ I’m sorry…But it will still be fun, even if it’s only a few friends bc it will be a celebration of you! 

Post # 14
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@GirlWithARing: I don’t think @BrianneG is planning the shower herself, so no breach in etiquette.  She can see the RSVPs because it’s an evite (she’s going green/saving money…my BMs may go this route as well, since my shower will be tiny, too & all the invitees are very web savvy), so she knows from this that there are few attendees.

For those of us with many OOT guests/DWs it can be harder to have a shower.  Traditionally, the shower is meant to “shower” the bride with gifts that either prepare her for her married life or provide her with “necessities” for her honeymoon/trousseau (this was an upperclass tradition, since upperclass women didn’t need appliances in married life – they had servants/hired services).  Since the traditional invitees (family, mom’s/FMIL’s friends, bride’s friends) aren’t around in the above situation, the attendance rate is down.  It has nothing to do with the fact that the shower was planned by the bride…the attendees just aren’t near the shower site. 

And, finally, the bride encouraged her hosts to change the date to accommodate another mutual friend’s bachelorette party, for which that date was changed, forcing mutual friends/invitees to both events to choose.

Please post replies that help the OP either solve her dilemma, comiserate to show her she’s not alone, or help her cope with the emotional pain of having a small bridal shower, rather than state “what you should have done, but can’t anymore” scenarios.  Those kinds of scenarios probably belong in another thread.

(Note: @BrianneG, sorry if I overstepped my boundaries in replying, but I just felt what I said needed to be said.)

Post # 16
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@BrianneG: Smile no problem, sister…I feel your pain & that pain is justified.

The topic ‘Nobody’s coming to my shower’ is closed to new replies.

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