Post # 1
Fiance & I got engaged on December 11. I jumped right in to planning hoping to have a 2011 wedding. The way things are looking that isn’t going to happen. I’m pretty much planning things on my own. Fiance isn’t interested and told me to just tell him when and where to be which is fine.
His sister is about 20 weeks pregnant. I swear I’m happy for her and not trying to make it about me but it would be nice if just for a second his family could stop thinking baby baby baby all the time and realize that their son is getting married and act happy for us.
My mom is less than thrilled. She thinks I’m repeating her mistakes by getting married young. I want to be able to discuss wedding plans with her like a mother daughter experience and she wants nothing to do with it. It’s stressing me out. My grandma cried when I told her (and they weren’t tears of joy).
My dad is happy as long as I’m happy. He’s the only person I can talk about wedding stuff with. He said he will make sure I have a nice wedding, but I’m not holding my breath on that one.
I just want this to be a fun, joyous, and exciting experience for our families and it’s not. I feel like I’m the only one interested in an actual wedding…. Maybe we should elope. I’m just stressed out already.
Post # 3
I am sorry you are going through this. I have a similar experience. We are handling the wedding ourselves. My family is happy for us but that is it. No one wants to help, be involved or even go dress shopping. His family does not approve of the marriage (because I am not Asian) and may not even attend. This was NEVER how I envisioned my wedding to be. There was a moment that I wanted to just scream and give it all up. But I realized that I had a choice. I could either make the most of it and try to have a wedding with the people that I knew would want to be there. Or elope and do something simple with just the two of us. I decided on the first because personally we both felt we would have regrets with the latter.
So, I guess you just have to sit down and decide what is important to you. I have found that when you have expectations of others you are usually going to be let down. So i have decided to just do what I need to do and pray that in the end it is a joyous event.
On a side note…someone once told me that a wedding is almost like a test of your marriage. You will both be faced with a lot of decisions and stresses that mimic reality. Your ability to adapt and respond as a couple is a prelude of how you will interact and communicate in the long run. For me personally, I have seen BOTH of our weakness’ displayed during this whole process. This gives us the opportunity to improve. You may want to consider this and approach your Fiance about his communication and input. That is just my 2 cents and advice that was handed down to me =).
In the end, this is all about your commitment between you and your hubby to be. So do what feels right to you both.
Post # 4
Im sorry you feel like you are all alone in the planning process – I actually did alot of the wedding planning by myself – dont get me wrong i had alot of support – but people are busy. Fiance actually turned out to be a huge help, he was my support system through the whole thing. Keep your head up – it can be done alone…as long as you have someone to bounce things off of you should be good and it sounds like your dad is the perfect person for that, and us here on the bee too!
If it makes you feel any better my Future Sister-In-Law is preggo also, and they just got married in august – talk about taking a backseat. I have already had 30 regrets from his side of the family since everyone travled to his sisters wedding a few months ago.
Post # 5
I’m sorry you going through this! Its definitely hard when you don’t have a lot of family to help you along the way in the planning. My situation is similiar, me & my mom aren’t very close, my sister is in this huge screwed up situation so right now our entire family is focused on her screw ups, my dad is happy for me but of course him being a man you can only shove so much wedding talk down their throat! 🙂
If your fiance is content with eloping & you aren’t set on having a wedding then just do that. It’ll definitely be enjoyable & you can get away from the stress of everyone else. Or try to have some of your friends help you with the planning. My best friend lives 9 hrs away & my aunt who I’m really close to 3 hours away so I’m pretty much stuck planning mine alone or through numerous emails of what do you thinks..
Post # 6
That’s why I moved the wedding back to May 2012. I just want people to be happy. I have thought about eloping, but I want to at least have some kind of wedding.
Post # 7
@ama0219: Unfortunately you can’t make people be happy for you. Is there a particular reason you think moving the date back will make them happier?
Post # 8
@MrsPinkPeony: Some background on us might be useful. I’m 22 (almost 23) and Fiance is 25. We’ve been together for three years. I am in the middle of working on my master’s degree and Fiance works full time. I would love to get married this year. I have found a venue that I love, but Fiance and I cannot afford it until next year. He is starting a better job soon (hopefully), but we need to save money. If I had help, we could get married this year, but I don’t think the help is coming.
Now as far as my mom is concerned. The first thing out of her mouth when I told her I was engaged was “don’t quit school.” No clue why she thinks I would. She thinks that I am giving up my uber exciting life as a future librarian by getting married. I don’t know why she would think I would quit school to get married. Fiance & I have lived together for 2.5 years… not much is going to change.
Anyway, the reason I moved the date is because I finish grad school May 4, 2012. She can’t complain about quitting school if I graduate first.
Post # 9
That’s weird, when I first read your post I thought you were still a teenager from the way your family was reacting. Now I think they’re just trippin’. I’m sorry you’re having to go through that. 🙁
Post # 10
@lezlers: Nope I’m a financially independent adult. Fiance & I live on our own and have for years. The only bill I don’t pay for is my car. My dad pays for that (my parents are divorced). I just don’t understand the problem.
One of my former friends is getting married this year. She got engaged 2 days before me. Everyone is excited for her and helps her. I just wish my family was that way too.
Post # 11
@ama0219: I’m really really sorry your mum feels that way. Don’t let her lack of enthusiasm dim yours. Not every family is the same. I know your friend’s engagement seems as if she has more people excited for her than you do. Maybe after your FSIL’s baby is born, they will focus on your wedding? And you made me laugh about your future that you would be giving up, the one of a sexy librarian/James Bond sidekick. Keep your chin up. *Hugs*
Post # 12
I’m sorry you have to feel so alone. But I do have some good news for you relating to your FI’s lack of wedding planning enthusiasm: It’s completely normal. He’s a boy, they don’t care much about weddings. Give him a few tasks to do that you know he’s good at (my Fiance, for example, is picking out the music and writing the wedding website) and he’ll do them. But guys generally just don’t care about centerpieces or linens. 🙂
I’m sure his family will be very excited once the baby comes. The first grand child is the thing a parent looks forward to most. (At least in my family, the only reason they’re excited I’m getting married is because it puts them one step closer to grandbabies.)