Post # 1
We decided to have a basic, non-denominational wedding. However, the more I get into this whole planning thing, the more I think about what I had originally wanted for my wedding… I wanted a small part of it to include my faith… which is quite a bit off the beaten track. I told my fiancee that I wanted to do this, but he wants nothing to do with it.
He doesn’t practice his religion (baptist) so I thought maybe if I made it somewhat of a Christian wedding, and add my faith in – a handfasting ceremony (like a 15 min spot TOPS) – it would be ok but he refuses to include it at all.
Is this ok? He is a firefighter and I gave up all my dream wedding ideas to have it a firefighter theme… but I’ve lost myself in the wedding….
Post # 3
I think a bigger problem here is that you feel like you’ve lost yourself in the wedding. The wedding should be about both of you, and not just him. Are there other ways to incorporate your faith that he would be okay with? Maybe it’s just that handfasting is not for him. Perhaps you could include a reading that comes from your faith but that all could relate to.
Post # 4
He should be accepting of your wishes…. If your faith is important to you and you want it included somehow in the ceremony then he should be willing…. especially since you are doing the firefighter theme for him.Compromise in the wedding is key… find another way to incorporate your faith… or a few different options and give him a choice.
Post # 5
There needs to be compromise. If he has taken over the theme, then you should have something “major” that you want. And if it’s important to you (as I’m assuming the firefighter theme was for him), then it should be important to him.
We’re having a non-demoninational wedding be performed by my Catholic aunt (by marriage), but she’s going to work with us to make the ceremony our own. I’m half-Jewish (on my mother’s side, so technically I’m fully Jewish), and FI knows I want the breaking of a glass and we’re going to work that in.
Post # 6
I’m confused… what is your faith? If you are a pagan, and that is why you want a handfasting, then why is your wedding non-denominational rather than inter-religious? If you are a Christian of a non-Baptist denomination, then how is a handfasting a Christian tradition?
Maybe if you explain a bit more about your background then people could give you better advice 🙂
Post # 7
I’ve always been a strong believer that a wedding ceremony should reflect both the bride and groom.
Post # 8
We did a handbinding so that it would not offend any of the christians in our family and I still felt like I was able to incorporate me into the ceremony.
Post # 9
Our ceremony will be an unique mix of Unitarian, Native American and Pagan (Wicca). But everything is kinda subtle. Heck my VERY Catholic FMIL read over ot and didn’t pick up on the Pagan — tee hee!
Post # 10
I believe he should accomodate your wishes for your wedding just as much as you are accomodating his. Handfasting is sometimes included in a Wiccan wedding ceremony (which is a lovely practice, IMO) and nothing about it conflicts with any other faith, that I know of. If he’s not ok with doing a handfasting for your wedding, is he ok with any aspect at all of your faith that he may feel more comfortable incorporating into your ceremony?
Post # 11
I do not practice religion either, but I think you should include it if it means alot to you. I think a compromise you be made here.
Post # 12
@rockstarscheld: I’m not going to vote in the poll.
I don’t think you should have to “push” to include your faith in the ceremony nor should he just accept essentially what is your change of heart (as he probably sees it).
I’d actually sit down with him and figure out if it’s just the handfasting that is the issue or would any element of your faith “not be allowed”. If it’s the latter – that would be an issue for me… How is that going to affect the rest of your relationship? You seem to be very accepting of the fact that he doesnt practice his religion (his choice) but how accepting of your faith is he? What happens if either of your views on religions change during the marriage?
Post # 13
I think you need to talk to him to see why he’s so against the handfasting. Does he think it’s weird? Is he worried his Baptist family will get mad? Does he just not understand the symbolism? Whatever it is, you need to figure out the root of his issues before proceeding. It’s one thing if he’s afraid his dear aunt Sue might faint in horror and another if he doesn’t respect your choice of religion. And the solutions are totally different.
Post # 14
Thanks bees for the advice!!!
He has been very open minded about all aspects of the wedding… including the theme. It was my idea to have a firefighter themed wedding because it is very unique and makes for a lot of fun ideas that we can use in it. (Firetrucks instead of limos? Yes please!) The ceremony itself will be non-denominational in that we won’t be having readings from the bible etc. It will be the basic blessing, vows, rings, I Do’s and then we leave.
My faith is Wicca, and my man is very accepting of it; I think his biggest argument with the handfasting is that it will mean for a longer ceremony. My biggest problem with talking to him about it is that he tends to shut off his ears to anything he doesn’t want to hear, especially if I am trying to explain something new to him. (Like a handfasting ceremony)
I have taken over some aspects of the wedding that are mine alone (purple shoes even though my colours are red yellow and orange, chair covers, my headpiece).
I’ve been trying to find something else from my faith that I can include in the ceremony; maybe I can just use the ribbon to tie our hands together? Or maybe I can include something in the reception that is seamless? Any ideas?