Non MOH / BM aka distant friend - etiquette on cost of party planning

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NON MOH / BM - Stagette Planning & Etiquette

Non MOH / BM aka distant friend - etiquette on cost of party planning

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette

Member

4 posts

Wannabee

craftybee

Hi all,

What is the etiquette in terms of covering the cost for the party, food, favors, etc? My friend is getting married in the states (we are in Canada), but she hasn’t invited anyone to attend, except immediate family. She didn’t pick out any bridesmaids or MOH.

We WERE best friends through high school, but drifted apart afterwards. We get together once a year for dinner. I think the only reason why she asked me to help her plan is because she has known me the longest, and my dad is a real estate agent and helping her buy a house. Of course I’m happy for her, but I don’t want to be selfish and not spend a dime. At the same time, am I expected to pay for everything? How do I go about asking other people for help (in terms of money)? I don’t want the stagette guests to think “What kind of friend are you, you are asking people to chip in, etc…” My point is that I’m not that close with the bride, and I can’t expect the guests to know that either. She’s close with her coworkers, who are attending, but I don’t know why she didn’t ask them to plan it. This stagette planning was dropped on me, and sure I will try my best to make sure she has a good time, but I don’t think its fair that I have to pay for everything.

Because I am planning the stagette, she said I can plan out the post-wedding party (i guess reception) which includes all of the bride/grooms friends & family. This means more costs to come .. I havent planned out any details, but this means FOOD to feed people, favors, decorations....

I am so sorry for the ramble! Thoughts?

2 years ago

Member

921 posts

Busy bee

DaisyBride June 1, 2009

I'm not sure I understand.

She didn't choose any BMs but she asked you to plan her Stagette night and she also asked you to plan her reception (or afterparty?!?!).

For the Stagette night - Plan dinner and bar hopping afterwards. Mention in the invite that you think it would be nice if everyone pitched in and helped cover the cost of the bride's dinner. Don't word the invitation like "we invite you" word it more like "lets all meet up for dinner and drinks..." I think it's really common for friends to split the check at a Stag party, exclude the bride/groom from the split and cover their portion. Once you hit the bars, people will buy their own drinks and will most likely start buying shots and drinks for the bride. As the planner, you could go to Spencers and pick up a few bachelorette party fun items like a "Bachelorette" Sash and maybe some penis straw toppers (TMI?!?)

For the reception/afterparty - If this bride is asking you to plan her wedding reception then you need to have a chat with her and tell her that people pay wedding planners THOUSANDS of dollars to plan wedding receptions. Offer to help her brainstorm centerpieces and choose linen and maybe even offer to help her with any DIY projects. If she is asking you to plan the after party, choose a bar near the reception site/hotel and spread the word that people are meeting there for drinks after the wedding. No one will expect that their drinks are free!

2 years ago

638 posts

Busy bee

FutureMrsMorgan May 9, 2009 Los Angeles, CA

whoa. let me get this straight. you are planning a bachelorette party and you arent sure if you are invited to the wedding? you are a damn good friend. personally, if i am not invited to the wedding, i wouldnt plan a party. i would take the bride out for drinks and maybe dinner.

as far as the reception goes, that sounds crazy? why would she expect you to plan her wedding reception! You mentioned that you are in Canada and your friend is in the states. Trust me. Your friend knows that this is completely against custom and is taking advantage of you. Tell her its too much for you to take on, especially with the distance and tell her you'd prefer to just come as a guest. If she says something about it being immediate family only, mention that youve never heard of bachelorette parties for weddings with no guests.

2 years ago