Non-newlywed bliss

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We have 3 kids between us, so we are always busy and running everywhere and have a ton of responsibilities.  Really, things don’t feel much different now than before we married, except, I am more content knowing that he made a lasting commitment to me.  I think sometimes people set expectations unrealistically.  the first year of marriage is a period of adjustment.

Post # 3
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

Jennifer99:  Well, I am of the opinion that you shouldn’t get married hoping things will change. You get married becuause you already love the person and the relationship the way it is. 

OP, based on this thread and your other one, I don’t think it would hurt if you went to talk to a professional about how you are feeling. You sound really depressed. Maybe you are just overwhelmed by everythng? There is no shame in that, but maybe someone can help you through it.

Post # 4
Member
3347 posts
Sugar bee

What was your relationship like before? Did you guys always have this sort of routine? Did your husband always spend lots of time on the TV and phone? 

Your relationship isn’t going to suddenly change into this romantic ideal of newlywed bliss that you have simply because you’re married. If you want that sort of marriage, you need to get off the couch and go out and make an effort to do new things and create happy memories. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  ClaudiaKishi.
Post # 5
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

agreed with the PP. you should step back and assess things. did you think getting married would change things? what other issues do you have aside from him focusing more on the TV? what did he say when you told him you were unhappy? also, what is your definition of newlywed fun? i’ve actually never heard of such thing so i’m curious…

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  catpeaches.
Post # 6
Member
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think we (as in society haha) all set our expectations a little high for the post-wedding life, and I don’t think this says anything about your relationship or the happiness of your future marriage! If your current routine bothers you, this is something that is pretty simple to fix! I’ve heard that you should actully schedule time for a date. Continuing to date your spouse is as important (if not more important) than any other work or life commitments you may have, and it should be a top priority in your weekly schedule. And if you don’t like your current type of date nights of just hanging out watching TV or just wanna mix it up some (FI and I love to just curl up with a good TV show also haha), then make these scheduled date nighst a time when you have to find something to do together outside of the house. Go out to dinner (it doesn’t have to be an expensive place), go to some outdoor shops, find an activity you can do together (for FI and I, this is hiking), even place some board games together if you don’t wanna leave the house (cheesy but fun hahaha), etc. Make a pact to put your phones away during the date unless you’re looking for directions somewhere. But don’t put too much pressure of yourselves either! Make sure it’s something fun and take it slowly. Hugs and best of luck!!

Post # 7
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Jennifer99:  If the life you are living post-marriage is the same as it was pre-marriage, then I believe you are normal?!  The expectation that, maybe, things would magically change may have set you up for some disappointment.  My DH and I took one day off before heading back to work (because we planned our honeymoon for 6 months post marriage), and life very much returned to normal.  Hectic schedules, same day-to-day chores/errands, etc.  

With that said, I was extremely blissful/happy with him before our wedding, and my feelings were the exact same way afterwards.  I anticipate we handle our ruts, or added stressors in life the same we always have; taking a step back, communicating our feelings, and make more meaningful time together.  I think that is what will keep a marriage solid; not necessarily excitement or surprises all the time!!  

Post # 8
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Jennifer99:  we didn’t have that either. the day after the wedding it was just a normal day, i woke up, it was Sunday, I made breakfast and we just packed our stuff for the honeymoon. WE got back and we went right back to our routine. There wasn’t extra lovey-dovey affection if thats what you mean? 

I am thrilled to be married and that the wedding planning is over, its a lot to plan a big event like that, even if you have a small wedding (20-50 people) it can be very stressful! 

I agree with MKWeddingBee:  and I also feel that we have this vision of how married life is supposed to be, but in reality we just live life normally, except you are a married couple now!

Post # 9
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Agree with PPs that it might be a good idea to seek professional help with this. Based on your posts about this, it sounds like you were completely invested in the fleeting, superficial aspects of being engaged and having a wedding, and not the actual marriage part, and are now experiencing some serious disillusionment. I hope things work out for you, OP, but a wedding doesn’t change anything except the balance of your bank account…

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