Post # 1
My fiance and i recently got engaged in July. We are planning our wedding for sometime in 2014. We have been a steady couple since 2003, I was a freshman in high school. I am now 24 and still in love with my now fiance, actually over the past year our relationship has gotten even better 🙂
here’s the predicament …
everytime i bring up something about the wedding to the females in my family (i.e. mom, grandma, aunt) i get completely ignored and the subject gets changed. we will be sitting having a conversation, and first mention of our wedding they lose interest and it is like who can change the topic fast enough. I feel very hurt, unsupported by my family. I ultimately feel they are being downright rude, but should i be or am i being overly sensitive? it really hurts my heart that they seem so oblivious to the fact that i am truly happy and this is what i want.
my FILs are estactic about our engagement and pending wedding, but howcome i can’t get the same from my own family?! It has really upset to the point that i have discussed eloping to get married. Unfortunately, we are both big family people and i think we would regret it Later on. I went dress “looking” with my MOH/cousin ( she is one of the only ones who has been supportive and happy since day 1). Needless to say, my mom found out about this and was furious. But why? She is not supportive and very critical, and has made it clear that she has no $to help with our wedding…so why the upset ? so confused
please future bees, please tell me that im not the only one with mega family drama. Any advice or input on how to deal with the situation would be greatly appreciated?
Post # 3
It sounds like they haven’t actually said anything rude or unsupportive, right? If so, maybe they just aren’t wedding people? While my family could talk about my wedding all day, my FILs are happy for us but really just have no to little input, thoughts or opinions on the actual plans. I’d try to discuss plans in small groups (say just you and your mom), ask specific questions or for certain opinions and give specific instructions/requests to help with things. That seems to work best with my FMIL, though I’m sure the other FILs will never have any interest in our wedding planning details which is fine by me as long they are excited for us in their own way and come! Think of it as the less outside opinions to deal with, the better!
Post # 4
@Luckyinlove: There have been posts just like your recently where one family was very excited about wedding plans and the other–nope.
People on a web site can;t tell you why your mother acts the way she does about your wedding. I suspect you’ve got a whole lot more insight into this situation than you are sharing with us.
But whatever the underlying causes of your mom showing disinterest in your wedding, other people will not experience things in the same way you do. Your expectation for her may not be realistic.
Enjoy your wedding palnning if that’s how you want to spend your time, let your mom and others help, or not help, as they are inclined. It never going to be as important to others as it is to you.
Post # 5
You both have very good points. I could go into the banter of things my mom and grandma have said to me shortly after my engagement and anytime wedding ideas are brought up, but i feel like i would be on here forever.
it may also come from the fact that im the oldest grandchild, my mom’s only daughter, both my aunts and my mom are divorced. My grandpa died when my grandma was just35 and she never remarried. I dont know if my family is just love cynics or what. My family is also worried that im going to give up on my career aspirations and start having babies, blah ,blah, blah. Which couldnt be more wrong. I graduated with a b.s. in biology /premed last year, applying to nursing school, and have no interest in having kids at all (or at least for a very long time).
i just feel like it is like that old idiom “you cant have your cake and eat it too”. They cant act the way they do and then be pissed when i dont include them in the planning.
errrr it is so frustrating
Post # 6
@Luckyinlove: Yeah, I think my FI’s family is more supportive/excited than mine… I’m inviting just a small number from my family actually.
Post # 7
Have you asked your family why they react the way they do? if they have financial issues where they can’t contribute maybe that is the underlying issue if you let them know you have no expectations maybe their reactions will change ?