(Closed) Non-traditional wedding, non-traditional registry?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What's the best way to ask for CASH for a home down-payment from your wedding guests?
    register for a "down-payment" on a site like despositagift.com? : (8 votes)
    23 %
    don't register at all and hope people bring cash? : (14 votes)
    40 %
    create a small traditional registry for people that ask? : (13 votes)
    37 %
    create a larger traditional registry and deal with it... maybe you can return the gifts for cash? : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2373 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I think traditionally, it is rude to ask specifically for money.  And I really have never heard of any websites that act as a money registery.  If it were me in your situation, I just wouldn’t create a registery.  To me, it seems that people would use common sense and recognize your situation (living together, established, etc) and realize that you don’t need extra “stuff”…just money.  Honestly, if I were attending your wedding, I would give money just because of the circumstances, but I would be put off by donating to a cash/money registery.  I would rather include it in a card….now, all this goes out the window if asking for money rather than gifts is acceptable in your culture.  If it is, then go for it! 🙂

    Post # 5
    Member
    605 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

    i think most people would give you money if you don’t have a registry–i found this msn article that seemed helpful about how to go about letting people know that you would prefer money.  basically it says not to ask for it outright, but to have family and close friends spread the word.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4486 posts
    Honey bee

    Asking for any type of cash is rude, period. It is also rude to register for gifts you don’t want or need so you can return them for cash. Simply because the guests in question are spending their hard earned money that they don’t have to spend (and that in the current economy may have been spent on something they needed but they decided they wanted to get you something for your wedding) and they are being screwed over without knowing it because you have no respect for their honest intentions.

    If you don’t want or need household items, don’t register. Never automatically assume you will receive cash if you don’t register. People by nature buy wedding gifts and a registry simply tells them what you want and need. If you don’t register, you will end up with a ton of gifts you don’t want and are unable to return anywhere.

    Post # 9
    Member
    916 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna

    I would do a small traditional registry at BB&B because you can return everything there for cash.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2209 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    If you don’t register, people will get the hint.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4486 posts
    Honey bee

    There is no tactful way to ask for cash. If someone decides to give it to you, great. But don’t place all your eggs in one basket and expect that everyone or even half your guestlist will give you money because many people do not. But countless people in this day and age insist that “proper manners” that the older generations clutch their pearls at with good reason is completely outdated and should not be followed at all and will do their own thing no matter what. In the end, you have to make the decision and if your guests go with it or are offended, then that’s what happens.

    Post # 13
    Member
    10851 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @Ember – I don’t think mrsjason is “expecting” anyone to do anything. She’s asking for advice on a sticky situation. Your tone is really aggressive, maybe you should focus more on constructive criticism to help mrsjason rather than lecturing her.

    @Mrsjason – I think the best thing to do would be to not register, and maybe let your parents, siblings, and in-laws know that if anyone asks what you’d like or where you’re registered that you’re saving up for a downpayment for a house. Word of mouth may work best for you in this situation.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1161 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    We are an older couple in a very similar situation.   We certainly don’t NEED cash, but it would be appreciated.   However, we know that some of our friends and families will want to give wrapped gifts, so we are doing a small REI registry, and just  hoping that people will either understand that we are happy NOT getting gifts, or that if they WANT to do a gift, we’d prefer cash.  No doubt we’ll get some gifts that we never would have wanted, but we are just going to chalk it up to the quirkiness of life…who knows, maybe we’ll even get some odd thing that we love. 

    I personally would be uncomfortable registering for cash (I’m not even comfortable with a honeymoon registry), but I am hoping our friends will “get it” that cash would be the most useful.

    Post # 15
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Really, it never matters – folks will give you want they want.  We went with a traditional registry; I kept it to much needed items since we already lived together and didn’t need much.  Much of it was purchase, and many also gave us checks or cash (a few gift cards, which I’d have prefer a check since we are depositing it, but now we’ll have to spend $300 of our gift money).  And a few didn’t get us anything at all (super classy).

    Post # 16
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    If you are planning to go on a honeymoon, make a honeymoon registry somewhere like honeyfund.com. Then use your already-saved honeymoon money for the downpayment 🙂 

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with registering for a honeymoon or downpayment, if that’s what you want. According to Ember, you’re just supposed to take that blender and like it, because asking for cash is wrong and so is returning gifts?. That seems ridiculous. If people in my family or friend group were offended by my registering for a honeymoon (It’s a thing! A thing we want!) I would think THEY were rude to completely ignore my wishes. It’s not like you’re shaking them down – they’re perfectly free to not get you anything.

    So I guess what I’m saying is, go for it! 

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