Post # 1
I know I’m not the only one with a “Man of Honor” bridesmen, groomswomen, or female ushers, so I’d like some input. What has your experiance been with filling these roles non-traditionally? Good, bad, indifferent?
The “so does that mean he (my man of honor and best friend of like 13ish years) is gonna wear a dress?” Most of the time i tried to laugh it off, but it quickly gets uncomfortable. I flat out told my fiance that if i heard his family making the joke anymore, i’d tear into them for it. I know at first its just their way of getting comfortable with something different, but if you’re still not comfortable months later, just keep it to yourself, In My Humble Opinion.
Got any snappy comebacks for the snarky comments?
There are other logistical concerns (“Won’t it look like there’s two grooms and a bride?”, who escorts who down the aisle) of course. How did you handle those?
Post # 3
I don’t have this sorta thing happening in my wedding but my good friend does. I’m in her wedding and there are a couple of attendants that just shouldn’t be forced to conform to certain roles. Her childhood friend doesn’t feel comfortable in a dress, she’ll wear a suit (in the same color). Some people are genuinely confused and you can’t make it make sense to them, so screw ’em. Also, I hate when people get so caught up with the idea of symmetry (because that’s really what it is, aesthetically its a bit off… but who cares?). At the end of the day, just do what feels right, I wouldn’t be too concerned with what it looks like. Afterall, everyone there knows which one is the groom 🙂
Post # 4
I am not having the same situation as you, but I may have an uneven number of bridesmaids/groomsmen, so one potential solution I had was just to have them each walk single file down the aisle–unescorted and alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side.
That seems like an easy solution that is not too obvious that you are trying to cover for something, and would look perfectly fine in pictures, etc.
Post # 5
Yeah, my two brothers and sister are standing up with me, and his brother, sister, and their spouses are standing up with him, so we’re a bit weird, I guess.
I’ve gotten the whole “are they going to wear dresses?” thing a bunch, but I mostly just laugh with them or resond that I’ve got their dresses all picked out, as well as my fiance’s ballgown. That makes them SO uncomfortable that they shut up. 🙂
As for logistics, I haven’t really thought about it a whole lot. I’ve got two guys and a girl, my Fiance has two girls and two guys, we’ve got a flower girl and a ring bearer. It’s going to be a parade of folks anyway we dice it. Maybe just have one from each side go down the aisle, alternating, ending with the groom, then me and Dad! My Fiance will stand out, b/c he’ll probably wear a different colored vest or something. That, and he’ll be the one holding my hand. 😉
Honestly, I’ve had a lot of positive feedback about the way we’ve chosen to do attendants, and zero negative (I don’t really count the dress comments as negative).
Post # 6
Sorry to hear you are getting those comments. I think people sometimes don’t really think before they speak. I think your best plan of action is to answer their question as if they were being serious. Don’t take it as a joke, and don’t let it give a visable rise out of you. It may sound trite, but sometimes I think a ridiculous question should receive an answer – as if speaking to a child – but do so politely and not condescendingly. Hopefully, responding that way will stop the ridiculous questions. I’d also add a quip about being grateful your closest friend will be supporting you… or some other enduring type comment about friendship.
I think for some people, it’s unfathomable for them to see a girl have a male best friend (and vice versa). I’m doing a completely non-traditional wedding party (they aren’t standing up with us) and one of my best friend’s is a male. I haven’t got any negative comments, but most everyone in my circle knows about these life long relationships. FI’s family isn’t involved with it – so, haven’t had to deal with any ‘why are you doing it that way’ type attitude from his side.
Post # 7
I have 8 bridesmaids and am seriously considering having my 3 best guy friends be bridesmen. One was my childhood best friend (now, almost certainly gay), one was my high school best guy friend, and one was my college roommate. How can you NOT include them? I already have ushers but I’m going to find something for these guys to do. We already have 18 people at the alter if you include the Fiance and I so it will probably be something else.
Forget about the haters. Who are they to judge your special day? Plus, those people deserve the honors that you’ve given them. Maybe you could tell them that your situation is so cool/trendy that they made a movie about it. 😛
Post # 8
I’ve been thinking about having a brideman… but he’d stand on the grooms side, just because. Yeah, he made the “Do I get to wear a dress?!” joke, but when I threatened to actually make him, he shut up real quick!