Post # 1
My father died about 3.5 years ago, and my mother will be walking me down the aisle. I was hoping to just skip the whole father daughter dance althogether – it would feel silly to dance in front of everyone with my mom, and I think dancing with someone else would just make me really sad that it wasn’t my dad.
I wanted to just forget about that part, but I think my FMIL is really looking forward to a mother/son dance. I understand that completely, but I’m not sure how to fit it in. Should they just do it by themselves? It becomes more complicated because my fiancee’s parents are divorced and his dad is remarried. I just don’t know how to get this in so that it looks right.
Post # 3
If you do want a dance, my cousin (who lost her dad before she was born) had a dance with her uncles. They each danced with her for a portion of the song.
What’s wrong with dancing with your mom? I danced with my dad, DH danced with his mom, and then I danced with my mom. My dance with my mom wasn’t formally introduced like the others, and everyone was on the dancefloor, but she really appreciated it.
If you don’t want to dance, I see nothing wrong with your FI dancing with his mom.
If you are worried about it seeming awkward without a father/daughter dance- perhaps you could make it a little less formal? Maybe have them start and then after a minute have the DJ ask people to join them on the dancefloor?
Post # 4
My husband and I combined our father/daughter and mother/son dances. So, if you don’t want to be in the spotlight, this is a good way to do it. You have to pick a song that isn’t as gender specific, but it is a great way to be on the dance floor for the special moment but not be the complete center of attention.
Post # 5
why not just have the mother/son dance? I completely respect that you don’t want to have a dance with anyone else…but if your FMIL is so excited to dance with her son, why not just have their dance? I suspect everyone will know your situation so it won’t look strange. Maybe this is less strange to me b/c we were planning to have the two dances separate anyway.
Post # 6
maybe you can make an announcement that in honor of your father you would like all the fathers and daughters at your wedding to dance?
Post # 7
I went to a wedding last weekend where they had the same situation. It was really sweet the way they handled it. My friend danced with his mom, and then the bride danced with the groom’s father. It was a really touching moment, because she was marrying into a new family and gaining a new father (though he could never replace her own dad).
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2009 - Beach Social Hall
My mom is walking me down the aisle, and we are doing a mother/daughter dance. I don’t think it is silly to dance with a mom; my sister and mother did it at her wedding last April and it was beautiful.
Post # 9
My dad is deceased and I was considering doing what my aunt did at her wedding. Her dad is also deceased, so they did a "Family Dance" and paired up couples from his side and hers. Some danced with their spouse. People with no spouse were paired with someone from the groom’s side. No one dances alone and it was a cute symbol of the families melding.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay
We’re doing a mother/daughter dance as well. Combined with Mr. Q’s mother/son dance.
However, if this is a tradition that you’d like to skip – you should feel comfortable doing that! It is your choice & I think your FMIL should respect it.
Post # 11
ES123, I’m in a similar situation. My father passed away 12 years ago, and I wanted to forgo the entire thing, but since my fiance’s mom wants to do a mother/son dance (which is fine) and he’ll also be doing a dance with his stepmother, it’s kinda an awkward situation for me. I don’t have the option of a mother/daughter dance since my mother won’t be attending my wedding, and I only have one uncle (who won’t be able to make it and is in a wheelchair). Having to pick out songs for my FI to dance with his mother & stepmother to is making me want a special dance too. I’m not saying this is true of your situation, but what it boils down to with me is – I’m jealous and sad and hurting and a little bit angry at the unfairness of not having my father there. But at the end of the day, it’s my fiance’s day too, so if he wants a mother/son dance, I’ll make sure he has one (although in all honesty he’s doing it because she wants to).
Post # 12
I love doctorgirl’s suggestion!
My father recently passed away, so we are skipping the other dances completely, and just going with our first dance. We’re not dancers anyway, so it’ll be awkward enough to be on the floor for one dance!
Post # 13
my father passed away when i was little. im a going to do a dance with my mom and another with my brother to an old country song we used to sing 🙂
Post # 14
i think a mother daughter dance would be beautiful 🙂
Post # 15
My father is not a part of my life and therefore will not be at the wedding. I am walking myself down the aisle.
I understand that if I watched the mother/son dance, I may get misty for the wrong reasons. Consider dancing with someone who’s been a father figure to you or someone who, in a way, is giving you to your FH. Your mom is a lovely choice but it could also be a cousin, a childhood friend, etc.
I haven’t figured this dance part out yet but if my fiance decides to do a mother/son dance, I will probably ask all of my girlfriends to join me for a big celebratory dance. Turn it into a positive moment – a high energy dance or something choreographed – just fun! Make it about who you are and know that your father will be there in spirit.
Post # 16
My dad is not attending my wedding (i’m inter-racial marrying – he doesn’t approve), so i am going to do a brother-sister dance… i did think of scrapping it all together, but i’m not gonna let his attitude ruin my day. My brother is just as important to me and has always been there… maybe you can find someone (even a friend) whom you’ve leaned on and are close with to do the dance with ?