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Nontraditional ring - conflicted about choice - your thoughts??

posted 1 year ago in Rings
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    Worker bee
    mintchip    April 5, 2011  

    My fiancé took me shopping for my engagement ring. We are blessed enough that he was able to give me a generous dollar amount that he felt comfortable putting towards my ring(s).

    I have never wanted a traditional ring. My feeling was that I would rather have a smaller, simpler, more modern ring or rings, but would get the “best” in my price range. Not knowing much about modern wedding tradition, I asked for a half eternity ring setting for my engagement ring. (I wrote about this in another post.) I chose it myself, and I just love it. The stones are very high quality and they really sparkle. However, the style is more of a wedding band, even though I am wearing it as an engagement ring.

    I didn’t think it would bother me, but a couple of people at work have commented about my “cute” ring or said it’s strange that I wouldn’t want a solitaire ring and made “whatever floats your boat” type comments. I feel the comments are a little bit demeaning and in fact, they are starting to bother me.

    It seems strange to me that people don’t pay attention to the ring’s quality as much as they do the size. My ring may not be the most flashy, but the stones and the construction are top quality and gorgeous! It's funny, because I was looking at a more expensive, flashier ring, but I thought people might find it garish...

    If I had gotten a huge screamer of a honking ring,I  wonder if I wouldn't be fending off the snarky comments and jealous looks as well, which were what I was trying to avoid in the first place!

    So I guess my question is, is my choice of a single half eternity ring that strange for an engagement ring? Should I get a second ring to be my wedding band (I do love rubies so maybe a tiny eternity band alternating diamonds and rubies)? Another option would be to get a screaming large moissanite “engagement” ring.

    I don't really want to cave to social pressure, but at the same time it doesn't feel great to have people saying "aww cute" or looking quizzically at your beloved ring. I really was hoping that people would admire it as much as I do.

    Budget is not really a problem, as I left several thousand dollars of our ring budget unspent. However, I feel strange walking around with that much money on a single finger, so if I did buy another sparkler, I think I would probably get moissanite or a gemstone. 

    Your thoughts?

     
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    Buzzing bee
    egb    January 2010  

    I understand how you feel. I chose small size rings that I love and are my taste, and get that "cute" comment as well.  Very. Annoying.

    Still, I say get whatever you love, because people that make comments, it lasts a few seconds and they won't think about it again. You, on the other hand, will be wearing your rings all. your. life.

    I don't show my rings unless someone asks. But I do stare at it all the time, thinking how pretty and how much effort DH and I put into choosing it; and about the fact that because we picked small, we're able to travel 3 times this year - our ring budget became our honeyyear budget! ;)

     
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    Busy bee
    Edina    June 2010  

    From what I've read on this board...unfortunately there are just rude people EVERYWHERE who will make unappreciated comments on whatever type of ring you have. If you get a large stone, you'll be asked "OMG, is it REAL?!" If you have a small yet high quality stone you'll get "Oh, cute!"

    There seems to be no way to win and nobody even knows why it's a contest.

    I say stick with the ring you initally chose and loved. Don't cave for anyone else.

     
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    Bumble bee
    mcnetn3    August 13, 2011   North Carolina

    I saw your previous post with the two rings you were chosing between and I commented that I didn't think either looked like an e-ring.  But it's your ring and your symbol of commitment to your FI, I don't see what the big deal is about not having an e-ring and just having a band.

    Tradition isn't what it used to be.  I'm just from the school where you get an e-ring and then a separate band at the wedding.  For you, the band you chose is enough and you'll wear it and think of your FI/Husband and that's what counts.  I don't think it's the fact that they don't see the quality in the ring you have, because from the pics... the ring looked very high quality, I just think it's that people aren't used to seeing the band before the e-ring or the band without the e-ring at all.

     
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    JessiTess    August 14, 2010  

    I had the same experience and just went through the same inner-struggle.

    I have a pink sapphire, instead of a diamond.  I never wanted a diamond, but comments from co-workers (and of course my mom) really made me struggle with choosing a wedding ring. 

    In the end I chose a very different ring (because of the shape of my non-traditional ring we would have had to customize a band to fit around my ring, and I did not want that look). I ended up choosing a man's black diamond band. I haven't gotten it in yet, but I am happy with my choice.

    I know it is difficult, but don't let the other's comments bother you.  You have to live with your ring, not your co-workers. Good luck!

     
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    Blushing bee
    runskiclimb    June 26, 2010   Michigan

    Are you wearing your ring to remind yourself of your FI and the love you share or to impress everyone else?  I am guessing it's the first, so who gives a crap what everyone else thinks!?

    Easier said than done, I know.  But really, as long as YOU love your ring, why should their comments matter?  Plus, no matter what ring you chose, you will find someone that says something negative.  You can't please everyone - you've got to please yourself.  Especially when it comes to YOUR ring.

     
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    Blushing bee
    ja7975    May 29, 2011   MA

    To be fair, an eternity bad is a very popular wedding ring style and if I didn't know you I would probably just assume you are already married and choose to only wear your wedding band. But who cares! Lots of ppl would look at a sapphire/ruby e-ring and still ask "so where's your engagement ring??" I don't think you should be putting so much emphasis on what others are saying about your choice. It's just a fact of life you'll never please everyone. Stick with your gorgeous ring that you love and spend that extra thousand on your wedding!

     
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    Honey bee
    bRooklynRocks      

    You are so lucky! You actually have several thousand left from your ring budget?? Can I have some Wink Don't mind folks though. I live in NYC and I always see these huge honkers on the train. I've never wanted one and I specifically told my guy NOT to get me one. Most of my friends know enough to not make a comment although my brother went "You, you always are so different. Why don't you want a diamond? A huge one at that?" Um, I don't want one, have never wanted one, I do like the rings my friends have but it's not my thing. So dear OP, keep in mind that you got what YOU like. Not what society says you should get. And also, you can't please anyone. In a few months, you'd be married and no one would be that inquisitive about your rings anymore. Just try and ride it out and don't go and buy a ring just because people have been making snarky comments Frown

     
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    Helper bee
    amaroo24    June 12, 2010   Ithaca, NY

    A lot of my friends have an eternity band as their e-ring because of their active style.  I think it is a great e-ring.  Far too many people are into huge rings (IMHO), especially on this board.I have a 0.5 carat, 6 prong, cathedral setting because of this as well. Which is small to many but large for me.  

    If it is the ring you like as a symbol of your commitment, just ignore the rude comments or have a nice, diplomatic comeback such as 'this ring suits my style and our relationship' or 'I'm not into large, flashy jewelry.'  

     
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    Bee Keeper
    crayfish    September 11, 2010   Berkeley, CA

    I have a very non-traditional engagement ring - it is an uncut/raw diamond cube set into on octagon gold band. It's one of a kind, and I love it so much that it doesn't bother me that so many women are confused by my not getting a huge sparkley diamond. It is exactly what I wanted - something unique and that I have never seen before, and I love it!!

    Your ring sounds beautiful - just because people don't "get" it, doesn't mean it isn't great. It just means that there are a lot of people who can't fathom reaching outside of their box. The majority of people thrive in the comfort zone of the "average"....be grateful you are not one of them!! :-)

     
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    Helper bee
    suttonista    November 13, 2010   New York City

    I am in the same boat, my FH proposed to me without me having a single clue it was coming. So the ring he picked out was without any input on what I wanted or liked and he chose a 5 stone ring that feels more like a wedding band.  I also get "cute" comments, and it is actually my FH that has decided my ring was not the right choice and is insisting that we get a more traditional type e-ring.  I think you decide how much the comments bother you and if they are more annoying then you want, then decide together what your options are.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    MissTatas    August 6, 2011   Minneapolis, MN

    I wanted an eternity ring for my engagement ring but FI got me a solitaire instead. I fell in love with what he picked out but I ALSO get "Your ring is cute" comments. Also, the "Awwwww" really bothers me. Sometimes I feel like people are describing a puppy!

     
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    Busy bee
    cakegal    August 14, 2010  

    I got an eternity ring for my e ring- I love it! Most people i know  think it is a very sophisticated choice. I will stack it with other thinner eternity bands. One for a wedding ring, another maybe for an anniversary. 

    Here is my e ring and wedding band:

    Nontraditional ring - conflicted about choice - your thoughts?? :  wedding conflicted nontraditional ring rings engagement advice IMG 2421

     
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    Blushing bee
    bruintx    September 12, 2010   Orange County

    Don't get another e-ring. You are letting other people's (presumed) opinions sway you into doing something you do not need or want to do. You're quite honest with the fact that you want others to admire and compliment you on your ring, and that seems to be the motivating factor. I wish I could tell you something so that you can be zen and let that go, but I can only remind you that you LOVE your ring and you chose a style indicative of who you are. It takes a certain personality to go for a non-traditional, understated ring given a generous budget, and I'm sure that person is a lot more confident and self-assured than to buy a second ring for others in mind.

     
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    Blushing bee
    HapaBride    May 2, 2009   Tokyo, Japan

    I think you should get whatever your heart desires.  Don't let other people bring you down. Plus, may I add - you are right about the "huge screamer of a honking" ring.  A girl I work with got one and people comment on it all the time "bubble gum ring", "lollipop ring", etc.  She went for quantity over quality and that was her choice (she picked the stone and setting).  She did what made her happy and people STILL talk about her ring.  So, I think people are always going to talk.  I was like you in I value quality over quantity.  I also love the sentiment that comes in giving a wedding band.  My husband designed my engagement ring and wedding band and that made me happy.  I also designed his wedding band.  You and your FH might consider designing your own rings as it was such a wonderful experience for us!  Here is a picture of our rings! Good luck and remember - people will always talk so it is important to do what makes you happy.

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    princess3576    February 26, 2011   Michigan

    I also have a non-traditional engagement ring.  I think they are gaining popularity more and more now.  However, my non-traditional ring is actually "traditional" for my family.  All the women in my family have worn ruby and diamond engagement rings.  My FI bought me a ring with these stones and it doesn't look like an engagement ring.  It has a white gold setting.  The main stone is a ruby, probably equivalent to an one carat diamond.  On either side of the ruby are four small princess cut diamonds.  The band curves away from the center setting creating a marquis shaped effect and where the band curves there are six square cut diamonds on either side.  It's incredibly gorgeous, but a diamond solitaire it is not.  I say, be who you are and be happy.  Other people can just get over themselves.

     
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    Worker bee
    silversixpence    December 25, 2012   Virginia

    I think there'd probably be comments whichever way you choose to go, but really, if your e-ring is what you wanted, then that's all that matters.

    I don't have an e-ring at all - i'm a physiotherapist so it wouldn't be practical on a daily level, and i don't want us to be spending $$$ on something i'll only occasionally use.  So FI bought me an antique dressing table instead, and i bought him some new flameproof gloves :)

    However, whenever i'm introduced to one of FI's friends (usually the friend's partner though) will say something like "oh, you're engaged, can i see it?" which really confused me the first time it happened, until i figured out they meant my e-ring.  The looks i got when i explained there was no e-ring.  I've started carrying a photo of my e-dressing table instead!

     
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    xoxoGigi    November 6, 2010  

    If you love the ring, keep it and remember what's important--you're getting married to the man you love.

    I have a non-traditional ring, too. It was my grandmother's engagement ring and is about 80 years old. As much as I love the ring (I've wanted it to be my engagement ring since I was 14 years old) I realize that other people do not like/appreciate it. I think since I started wearing it in October, I have received two compliments on it and I've had one person tell me it looks like a college ring. At first these comments really bothered me but I quickly realized that it didn't matter. I love the ring and it is perfect for me.

     
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    Bumble bee
    menobride    June 5, 2011   NH

    omg, get whatever you want! You are the one that has to wear it, and you should not let others influence you. Do you love the ring? That is all that matters!

     
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    Blushing bee
    sunflower.kisses11    May 11, 2012   California

    I wish that I was able to get an eternity band for my ering! My FI chose my ring, and although the diamond is really small (thank GOODNESS my baby knows that I hate jewelery) it always catched on my clothes and pokes me in the eye. Lol. But it's beautiful, and I am in love with it.

     

    Get whatever suits you. YOURE the one that is going to wear it for a long time, not anyone else.

     

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