Normal?? Does it exist?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

To me, ‘normal’ is whatever activity/place/people are present at the time you feel most at peace with yourself. That is different for everyone, thus the reason there is no true definition or picture of what “normal” is/looks like. 

Not sure if that helps, and I really don’t have any advice in the area of addiction. But what I will say is congratulations on battling your own addiction, and I wish you continued strength on your path to staying sober. Only you can control you, and you cannot control anyone else. And it sounds like you’re doing a great job on yourself, so focus on that. Letting everyone else’s demons bring you down will not help you in the long run – family or not.

(hug)

Post # 5
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Perception is reality…I don’t think there is a one size fits all answer to this question. For me, normal is my big, fat Russian family. Having people around all the time, having a huge support network, always knowing I am loved even when I am also being terribly annoyed, and living as part of the middle class is all “normal” for me. That is not the frame of reference that everyone has though. For some, normal might be having butlers, living in an estate, and being able to have whatever they want.

My answer is – it depends.

Post # 7
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@thumpurr:  They are fun – they are both wonderful and annoying, but I couldn’t live without them. FI comes from a small family and he has had to get used to his “new normal” being a part of my clan. Family gatherings are loud and never sombre…we do grate on each others’ nerves but I always know without a doubt that any of them are there for me.

Also, about the past – here is one thing I have learned. We can’t get the past back or change it – all we can do is move forward and learn from our past experiences. The way I see it, the past has already taken enough of our time (especially the bad experiences). Don’t let it eat away at any more of your future or cause you any more pain. Take control back and don’t dwell on the things you have no power to change – focus on what you can 🙂

Post # 8
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nah I don’t think normal existsm only varying levels of dysfunction. Normal is pretty subjective.

As far as the mental illness part goes, many addicts do have untreated mental illness and use drugs as a way to self-medicate.  I obviously don’t know the details of your brother and SIL, but if that’s the case with them, getting them stabilized on medication may be an important first step in battling the addiction.

Best of luck.

Post # 11
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@thumpurr:  I can’t even imagine. Hopefully they prescribed him something appropriate and he stays medicated. That’s the other half of the battle. I used to work with dual diagnosis patients (severe mental illness/addiction) and it is really really hard. 

Good for you for staying clean all these years. You should really be proud of yourself. 

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