Post # 1
I’m 3 months postpartum and not sure if what I’m feeling is normal or if I should go talk to someone.
ill start by saying I have had no thoughts or harming myself or anyone else.
I feel very overwhelmed and cry 3-4 times a wk. we live about an hr away from our family, the day after we got home from the hospital my husband started a new job that has him on call the past three months- leaving me alone 90% of the time and most of that is nights. He works all night, comes home and tries to help as much as he physically can but he also needs to get some sleep because he works 12-15 hr nights. he needs to work as I am on mat leave and finding a new job is tough.
I love our son so much but feel frustrated and I know babies cry but i haven’t slept in 3 moths. He wakes for feedings every 1.5hrs. And like I said I’m alone almost every night so I have no one to take a feeding. When hrs awake during the day he is very fussy. Cries if he is out down, needs to be held. I eat all my meals with him in my arms. I try to get stuff done when he is asleep Bcs as much as everyone says sleep when he sleeps, it’s hard when the house looks like a tornado went through it- that doesn’t help with the overwhelming feeling.
Is is this how all new moms feel? someone tell me to suck it up Bcs that’s jist the way life is. I feel so blessed and thankful to be able to have had our son and I should not complain but I need some advice or experiences? Every blog I read talks about how amazimg their baby is and how glorious being a mother is and I just dot feel that way
Post # 3
Maybe both? It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed with a new baby. I mean, there’s this person, this demanding, helpless little person, that has completely taken over your life. But, if you’re concerned about how you feel or are feeling so overwhelmed that you feel hopeless, it may be time to do something about it. Talk to a counselor, or your regular doctor, about your options. You don’t have to feel this way.
Post # 4
@spiced latte: I’m sorry you feel so overwhelmed 🙁 but please PLEASE don’t think that what you read in blogs etc is how life is for those women.. I promise you it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. I have a friend with a baby who writes a very popular blog and she says all the time that her real life is no where near as peachy as it seems when you read about it. They usually only talk about the good stuff coz that’s what people want to hear!
I think how you’re feeling is completely normal but you certainly don’t need to have depression to talk to someone about it things that are getting you down. If you think it would help then you should definitely sit down with someone, professional or not, just to get it off your chest and seek some advise to maybe make things a little easier.
Being a mum is a really really tough job. You’ll get there!
Post # 5
My 3 month old is exactly the same way! I haven’t been able to put her down since birth. I actually could have written this post. My DH works 24 hour shifts, so I’m also home alone many (most) nights. My family lives across the country, so I have no outside help.
DD is BFing and wakes up every 2.5-3 hours at night. The only thing hat keeps me sane and allows me to sleep is bed sharing. It was not my plan, but she just won’t sleep on her own. Not sure if you’re open to it, but it might be worth a try for you.
I can’t tell you if you have pp depression, because I feel like you didn’t really describe how you’re feeling. I would venture to say that crying 3-4/week sounds a little high to me.
Post # 6
@spiced latte: The first few months of your baby’s life are the most tiring of yours.
None of us are used to the complete fatigue that comes as a result of interrupted sleep and sleep that only comes in short periods. Think of it. Before the baby (definitely before the pregnancy) you likely never even woke at night to pee. Now you are wakened mutiple times- night and day.
None of us can say whether this is normal baby blues or post partum depression. It is reassuring that you have no thoughts of harming yourself or anyone else.
You said you lived an hour from your amily. Do you have friends or family that live closer? Have you had any help? Do you get out of the house at all?
I had a friend who struggled psot partum. I used to go over to her house to mind the baby even for the short time it took for her to walk around the block. Do you have anyone who could do this for you? It is so therapeutic to get outdoors even in the winter.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It is very overwhelming. It sounds like your issue is the situation, and it may help you to shake things up a bit. Get a sling/wrap/mei tai so you can carry your LO, but still have your hands free to do things around the house. Get outside with LO in the stroller and take a walk every day that you can. Exercise and fresh air can do wonders for your emotions. Join a New Moms group. Call your family and make plans for people to come over and socialize. Basically, try to break your pattern of isolation and see if that helps. If it doesn’t, and you are still feeling down, it doesn’t hurt to talk to your doctor. Good luck.
Post # 8
The weather doesnt help. It’s too cold and snowy to take out baby and go for walks- I actually have zero motivation to get out of the house. It think it has to do with worrying he will cry while we are out and BFIng in public.
i have been co sleeping since I have a big bed and no one else in it! It helps but its still exhausting.
thabk you for all the responses. It’s probably the way most re moms feel but I dont have anyone to compare to. Closest family and friends all live an hr away. I’ve gone out to visit some weekends and it helps, it would just be nice to have an adult to speak to daily as opposed to a screaminf baby!
Post # 9
I think your feelings are completely understandable under the circumstances. But it doesn’t mean you don’t have a little PPD either. Make sure when your husband is home that he gives you a break- even if its only an EXTRA long trip to the grocery store.
Post # 10
@spiced latte: Your family is only 1 hour away and you have a newborn – ask them to come to you!
Call your mum/sister/dad/brother and say that you really just need a day of their time and could they please come to visit and help. They are your family and if you reach out for help they will give it to you.
When my mother had me her mother flew in and basically just did laundry, cleaning and cooking for 2 weeks because I was an awfully fussy baby (they eventually realised that mum wasn’t producing enough milk and I was just hungry) and mum needed help/rest.
Ask them to feed and hold the baby whislt you sleep/shower/eat.
This is what family is for!
Post # 11
@spiced latte: I have a 5 month old, and I was diagnosed with PPD/PPA 5 weeks post partum. I would say to talk to your OB even if you may be questioning it. It certainly won’t hurt! At that point I was crying more days than not. I started talking to a counselor and taking wellbutrin. Crying is definitely normal, I’ve had a few breakdowns here and there recently, but 3 – 4 times a week is a bit worrisome. Don’t feel like you have to suck it up, it’s OK to feel overwhelmed and let it out, but you may want to talk to your OB just in case more is going on. Hugs!
Post # 12
I’ve never had kids so I can’t speak from personal experience, but my maternity nursing professor told us: “It is normal to have a roller coaster of emotions after birth. You will have ups and downs. It’s when you feel like the roller coaster is going to crash that you might consider postpartum depression.” It sounds like you have a stressful situation that any woman would have difficulty with. Hope everything works out <3
Post # 13
@spiced latte: It sounds like you are an overwhelmed new mom with very little help. Talk to your doctor, but I think you might feel a little bit better if you are able to enjoy motherhood more and have more sleep. I would make the following suggestions:
1. Swaddle the baby in a sleep suit or a woombie or sleep sack. It is normal for a baby to wake up to eat, but every 1.5 hours is a lot. If the baby sleeps in longer stretches, so can you.
2. Hire one or both of the following: a local high school/college student who can come and sit for an hour or two once or twice a week (while you are home). You can take a shower, get some things done, sleep or eat. Or a housekeeper to come once or twice a month to help keep the house under control. Either of these can be done for less than $200 a month, which should hopefully be doable.
3. Wear your baby. Spend money on a quality wrap that is comfortable for you. This will keep your baby calmer and also give you free hands.
4. Join a local mom’s group. This will give you a place to go where you can vent, ask questions, and get suggestions. When your little one gets older, you will hopefully have some local friends who you can do playdates with and trade babysitting.
5. If you any more serious feelings (not overwhelmed feelings, but like suicidal, etc), put the baby in the crib and call someone immediately.
Post # 14
What you’re feeling could be a combo of both PPD and normal post partum feelings but either way, it sounds like you need some support from your “village”! Even if you have a friend that can come and help or even just hang with you and mind your LO so you can get a short break, it can really make a big difference to your state of mind! Call your family and ask them to come out and spend a day with you, get yourself to a couple of classes or groups each week and just take it a day at a time.
Post # 15
@spiced latte: I suffered from PPD and I had very similar feelings. Don’t be afraid to reach out and get help. I am an awesome mother to a fabulous 2 year old, but struggled horribly in the beginning. It didn’t make me weak. It didn’t make me a terrible mom. My heart goes out to you. PPD isn’t uncommon.
Post # 16
Thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions. I have joined the local rec center so that will hopefully get me out of the house once the weather is better. I have also signed up for some baby and me classes starting in march. I’m hoping this is just a growth spurt with the very constant feedings but hopefully it will settle in the next wk. last night was a bit better- instead of a feed I sat and offered him his pacifier and it took several minutes but he fell back asleep. I’ve started back on milk supply vitamins incase that’s the issue. And to top it all off, I’m exclusively breastfeeding and just got my period this morning at 3 months post partum- lovely.
i keep baby in a sleep sack- he hates to be swaddled