Post # 1
I think weddings are beautiful and love attending them.. but after I became engaged I realized that I wanted nothing like the church weddings I have been to. My fiance wants me to do what makes me happy. Which makes it even harder :/
I would just prefer to put the money that could be used on a wedding towards our home or in our savings account.
The most I can imagine is buying a white cotton dress and having my father walk me down the aisle of my church towards my husband-to-be in his black suit with a bouquet in my hand while my family and friends watch.
But.. on the other hand I want to celebrate my love!
I thought a potluck esk party at my home where anyone and everyone can come and will be invited was a great idea until everyone (except my future huaband) told me how “trashy” that would be. I imagined all the pre-wedding showers and parties could all be combined into one party. I would hire a photographer to catch all the important moments.
I need some unbiased advice. Does this sound nice or trashy?
And of course any hints, tips, or ideas to how I can improve my (sort of) wedding plans are gladly welcomed!!
Post # 3
You just discribed the wedding of EVERYONE in my family who got married before I was born. That’s pretty much how weddings used to be. Now we have to wear gigantic dresses and pay a caterer. I say do it. I’m “friendoring” all my stuff, otherwise I’d hire a taco guy & ask people to pot-luck sides. NOOOO reason to go into debt to pay for a big wedding if that’s not what you really want.
Post # 4
Honestly if it’s just a little backyard affair, I see absolutely nothing trashy about a potluck.
It’s just a big party to celebrate your marriage! People have potluck parties all the time. 🙂
Post # 5
That’s what I wanted to do, too! But the in-laws shouted it down… So I’m gonna say GO WITH WHAT YOU AND YOUR FIANCE WANT! Your parents and future in-laws have already been married (I presume), so they’ve had their chance.
I’ve compromised a little on the wedding planning (oh, how I wanted the potluck reception!), but we’re just doing a simple afternoon tea reception now, then pizzas and a BBQ for afterwards. Even arguing the in-laws down that much was a struggle!
So if you’ve got plans like that for your wedding, make sure you either let everyone know now that this is what will be happening and any suggestions they have are just suggestions or do what my fiance and I have done and just don’t talk about wedding stuff to anyone because everyone has their view of how weddings “should” be done, and anything to the contrary just doesn’t seem to even enter their heads.
Post # 6
I don’t think trashy is the right word to use.
I think if you want to throw a party to celebrate your love then do it but I do thik it is rude/a bad idea to ask guests to cater it for you.
Post # 7
Have the wedding YOU want to have. If people think it’s so trashy, they don’t have to come. For the record, I don’t think you should have to throw the entirety of your bank account into a wedding in order to be considered classy, and I don’t see anything wrong with your idea.
I personally started out in a similar way. I didn’t know if I even wanted a wedding at all. Now I’m planning on an actual wedding, it’s just going to be small and intimate. My budget is roughly around $2k. For that, I’ve been able to find a beautiful, pre-owned dress, and I’m going to be able to transform our property to look beautiful and whimsical. We’re going to have 40 of our closest friends and family there, and with some help, they’ll all be fed and pampered. I see no reason why that should be considered “trashy”, just because we live here.
As a word of warning, photographers are expensive. I looked into them and couldn’t find a good one under $1k. There are cheaper ones out there, as long as you don’t mind that you may be their guinea pig (i.e. they’re cheaper because they don’t have experience and you may/may not get the pictures you’re hoping for).
Edit: I also wanted to add, I don’t see a wedding potluck as being much difference from a normal potluck. I guess circumstances are a little different (normal potlucks are general parties, wedding potlucks are about the bride & groom), but ultimately the party is still for everyone to gather and have fun together.
Post # 8
@bdavis4163: I totally agree with Lia. I think your wedding sounds exactly like how most weddings were before the Wedding Industrial Complex took over and weddings suddenly had to have themes and color schemes and mock-movie trailers on youtube. Your wedding sounds a lot like what my parents wedding in the 1970s was like. My understanding is that, traditionally, weddings used to be communal events. Unless you were very very rich, it was normal for guests to bring food instead of having everything catered; it was normal to just get married in the local church and have a modest reception after. I think your wedding sounds like it will be a lot of fun and really heartfelt. I’d love to have a backyard bbq that wouldn’t mean eating into my savings. My bf’s family, though, are very ‘country club’ types, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to get away with that.
One idea, that might be cute, if you don’t care too much about the kind of food people bring. If you do a potluck, you could ask your guests to bring a dish that they enjoyed at their wedding or that has special meaning to them as a couple — perhaps from a trip they took or the first meal they made for each other.
Congrats to you!!
Post # 9
Thanks guys!! That was fabulous.
I think I needed that extra boost to do it the way I wanted!
And of course I don’t expect anyone to cater to me… I think its a nice way to show you care. I would do a lot of my own cooking for this day anyways.
I think it would be best to do it a couple days before or after the wedding since my church is on the smaller side and won’t be able to fit everyone. But I feel awkward about inviting people to my party and not my actual ceremony… Thoughts or feelings on this?
Post # 10
I think there will be some clucking tongues because while this was a historically very common type of reception, it is not the norm now. Deviating from the script will be noted, and those who like to find fault will.
However, I think it sounds wonderful. Comfortable, relaxed, not having every minute choreographed. So, who cares what others think? You should be able to have the party you want to have and spend the money in the way that makes the most sense to you.
I will say that we’ve all been to pot-lucks where they’ve been too heavy in salads, or desserts etc. You may want to consider providing the main course and/or cake and have guests bring salads and sides.
Post # 11
You absolutely must read A Practical Wedding by Meg Keene.
It will help you sort through all of the wedding nonsense and figure out what you really want. I am not sayin that all wedding stuff is nonsense…it just helps you to figure out that if you want it and it will make your day special, do it!….and if it is not important leave it out.
here is the website too
Post # 12
I say go with what you want to do.
My MIL was the same.. saying wearing chuck taylors and having fun props for pictures was trashy and that my chocolate icing covered wedding cake was not very traditional.. Well, guess what, I wore chucks after the ceremony, did our pics with props.. and they were the best pictures.. and everyone loved the cake, saved me 100 bux too! I’m not really a traditional person, and if I conformed I would have just hated it.
You just need to be ready with hurtful remarks thats gonna come ur way, but stand your ground, it might be a little bit lonely but in the end if it makes you happy, Do it!
Post # 13
I actually just found out a wedding I’ll be going to soon is a potluck. I was surprised at first because I didn’t expect it but I don’t think it’s trashy. I don’t mind making something and bringing it with me.
Post # 14
@RabbitBride: +1. Love that web site.
Post # 15
Your wedding should reflect who you are . I love attending weddings where the decor and food represent the bride and groom and their family and culturre.
How about a compromise…a relaxed reception party at your home but not necessarily a true pot luck where guests are asked to bring food.. Prepare what you can and freeze ahead and then ask only a few relatives or friends to contribute the salads, etc that need to be prepared last minute. Also, Costco type warehouses have excellent option for very reasonable prices. A combination of these things could make the reception affordable but not necessarily pot luck.
by the way, I would much rather attend a relaxed reception than some of the crazy parties I have been to…I wish more brides would have a reception everyone can enjoy and then take their friends clubbing or to an after party for the loud music and drinking. I’m tired of not being able to even talk to people at my table without screaming as we finish our coffee.
Enjoy planning your day.