Not a BM? Fine. (rant)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
895 posts
Busy bee

You should help them for the sake of helping them and because you love them, not to try and get in the wedding party.

Post # 4
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it would be odd if you were in the bridal party for your husband’s best friend.  Also, since it’s a former student.  All they really owe you is a thank you. 

Post # 5
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@GooteyBootey:  I don’t think this “snub” would be as noticable if they didn’t include EVERYONE ELSE who helped except you. That’s a little weird… but like you said, it’s no big deal, but I see where you’re coming from.

Post # 6
42157 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@GooteyBootey:  Hope you feel better after the rant.

Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but it doesn’t sound like you are really close to her, and she is the one who picks the BM’s.

Luckily it is never an expectation that we pick your BM’s based on who helps the most with the proposal.


Post # 7
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@GooteyBootey:  I completely understand. It seems you were willing to do all of that for them, but their actions show they might not value the friendship or appreciate how much you helped. I’d just re-assess how much I’d be willing to help them in the future. I’m sure they have their reasons and it isn’t being spiteful but I just wouldn’t go out of my way to help out so much again!

Post # 9
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I would have declined and told them that I’d rather just be a guest and enjoy the wedding than to have to work. 

Post # 10
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I would also decline the “invite” to photograph the reception. “While I may snap a few photos and I will certainly send you anything I take, I don’t feel comfortable taking on a huge responsiblity like wedding photography.”

Post # 11
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsztobee: +1  

Generally it is wise not to do things for others with expectations of something in return, but rather because we want to help them.

I don’t think you’re in any way obligated to be the reception photographer though. Personally, I’d rather enjoy myself then be tied down to a camera all night.  I’d tell them you have to pass on that one.

Post # 12
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

I’m with a couple of PPs, I can understand you not being in the bridal party, but to ask you to work seems just rude, IMO. 

I would politely decline.

Post # 13
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LMD: that was my first thought.  

Post # 14
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Yeah, you are under no obligation to work at their reception as a photographer. That is not a bridal party or wedding party duty.

Post # 15
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@GooteyBootey:  I’d be like, “I get the shakes so I can’t take pics!” and just enjoy being a guest. Wedding parties are over rated!

Post # 16
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

@thenewmrsmax:  +1. So much pressure in someone’s wedding photography…and you won’t get to relax and have fun!

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