Not a BM? Fine. (rant)

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

You should help them for the sake of helping them and because you love them, not to try and get in the wedding party.

Post # 4
Member
3584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it would be odd if you were in the bridal party for your husband’s best friend.  Also, since it’s a former student.  All they really owe you is a thank you. 

Post # 5
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

@GooteyBootey:  I don’t think this “snub” would be as noticable if they didn’t include EVERYONE ELSE who helped except you. That’s a little weird… but like you said, it’s no big deal, but I see where you’re coming from.

Post # 6
Member
44804 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@GooteyBootey:  Hope you feel better after the rant.

Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but it doesn’t sound like you are really close to her, and she is the one who picks the BM’s.

Luckily it is never an expectation that we pick your BM’s based on who helps the most with the proposal.

 

Post # 7
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@GooteyBootey:  I completely understand. It seems you were willing to do all of that for them, but their actions show they might not value the friendship or appreciate how much you helped. I’d just re-assess how much I’d be willing to help them in the future. I’m sure they have their reasons and it isn’t being spiteful but I just wouldn’t go out of my way to help out so much again!

Post # 9
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I would have declined and told them that I’d rather just be a guest and enjoy the wedding than to have to work. 

Post # 10
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I would also decline the “invite” to photograph the reception. “While I may snap a few photos and I will certainly send you anything I take, I don’t feel comfortable taking on a huge responsiblity like wedding photography.”

Post # 11
Member
11763 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsztobee: +1  

Generally it is wise not to do things for others with expectations of something in return, but rather because we want to help them.

I don’t think you’re in any way obligated to be the reception photographer though. Personally, I’d rather enjoy myself then be tied down to a camera all night.  I’d tell them you have to pass on that one.

Post # 12
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

I’m with a couple of PPs, I can understand you not being in the bridal party, but to ask you to work seems just rude, IMO. 

I would politely decline.

Post # 13
Member
8709 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LMD: that was my first thought.  

Post # 14
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Yeah, you are under no obligation to work at their reception as a photographer. That is not a bridal party or wedding party duty.

Post # 15
Member
3753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@GooteyBootey:  I’d be like, “I get the shakes so I can’t take pics!” and just enjoy being a guest. Wedding parties are over rated!

Post # 16
Member
2973 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

@thenewmrsmax:  +1. So much pressure in someone’s wedding photography…and you won’t get to relax and have fun!

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