Not a Fan of Weddings- OK, I Get It (long)

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

I would be direct and say that I don’t want to hear her wedding bashing anymore.

Basically, “Friend, I love you, I do, but I can’t handle the wedding bashing anymore. I know you don’t mean it to offend, but it’s so negative all the time. It’s difficult to listen to. I want to be friends with you and be involved in your life, but if you keep doing this, I don’t think I can be.” 

I wouldn’t say all of that out of the blue, obviously, but at an appropriate time; likely soon after she starts making her negative, bashing, belittling comments. That might not go over well, but it’s better to just say it than to put up with that odd brand of negativity. 

Post # 3
Member
8025 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

runfaster:  if I were you I would get blunt. Next rude comment, “listen I get it, you’re doing things differently. But you need to find a way to talk about your wedding without insulting me or my family. I am sick of being put down for having my dream wedding.  I support whatever wedding you want and I expect the same of you”

shes talking to you this way because you’re letting her. You can also just skip the wedding chat And I would lay that down bluntly too- “I’m done chatting weddings with you seeing as you just use it as an opportunity to insult me. Let’s talk about something else”,

 

Post # 5
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I could be wrong but she sounds jealous to me. She probably deep down wants the big wedding but thinks her parents should pay and is bitter that they won’t. I would try to avoid the topic of weddings in general and if she brings it up herself, then consider doing what the pp’s suggested. 

Post # 6
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

She has a chip on her shoulder. You have a lot of patience not to have already lost your temper.  I would really consider Mrs. Buesle’s advice. At a certain point you need to stand up for yourself. Maybe you can find a way to be gracious about it as well, so that your friend sees how completely insensitive she’s being.

Post # 7
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

yup sounds like jealousy.

Post # 8
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Speak up, she shouldn’t be allowed to speak to you like that repeatedly if she is a true friend. I could see if this was a one time occurrance, but it’s ongoing, and you’ve got to nip it in the bud.

Post # 9
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have a friend like this who bashes things that not so deep down she is envious of. It’s very transparent and I used to have more patience for it. 

Post # 10
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I stood up to a “friend” for all of the disparaging comments she made about my lifestyle. 

She was marrying into a rich family and suddenly thought that she could talk down to me because my husband and I are not affluent. 

This fool ended our “friendship” and though I miss the happy times, I am glad that I took a stand. It is never healthy to allow others to walk all over us. Friends should know not to do that.

Sometimes jealousy is the main issue…I had to cut off a woman who made rude comments about my husband, our marriage and my race because she was unhappily single. 

I’m sharing my story so that you know that you are not alone. Politely and firmly tell your friend how you feel. You will feel better for it. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  amiona.
Post # 11
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

She’s envious. You’ve handled yourself admirably. The best way going forward is probably to ask her to stop talking about the wedding for the near future. Maybe things will be different when she’s engaged and actually has to start making decisions and acting on them. 

Post # 12
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I sympathise – my sister is a bit like this only she actively flies off the handle or gets passive-aggressively snarky when I dare to talk about anything to do with my wedding (lucky me for asking her to be a bridesmaid before I realised her never-ending disdain). Frankly, you can confront her and risk the friendship ending, or you can go out of your way to never talk to her about anything to do with your wedding. Fortunately, weddings are a limited-time thing and with any luck you will both be past this stage in a year or two. I have generally followed the second tactic, and while it can hurt and be seriously inconvenient for BM stuff, it is tolerable enough. Just depends on whether you want to skate over the issue or be more blunt.

Post # 13
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I actually am of the same mindset as her about modern weddings and the expenses etc etc. BUt i only ever bashed my own wedding because it wasn’t what i wanted lol.  Comparing weddings shows her own jealousy. I would ask her to stop comparing and repeat myself when she brings things up again. 

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