Post # 1
I guess I’m looking for other women who can identify with what I am feeling. I am not a “giddy” bride. Gushing about being in love feels fake to me. I don’t like talking about it like its some fairy tale… It just regular life! When he proposed ( we had discussed a lot it was not really a surprise) I didn’t cry or black out. I just felt like “cool! So, that happened”. I feel like my fiancé and I are very compatible in our tastes, the way we think and react to life, same goals. He is handsome, stable, great job, trustworthy. We can talk all night all the time. I feel comfortable with him Like he is family. I haven’t had a raging angsty crush on him ever. I had “crazy in love” feelings like that when I was younger towards unavailable guys. It was A bad pattern, and I feel like I’ve proudly broken it by coupling up finally with such a great man. That crazy rush can feel so deep and real- but it never lasts and I think is pretty much couched in fantasy. So…. Am I marrying the right guy? Should I be starry-eyed and certain in my soul and crazy in love? Or is this sweet, stable, warm glow that we are nurturing better? if I were going to arrange a marriage for myself, I would have picked my Fiancé. he is good for me and I know it. And I think love is something I do with him and practice towards him, not something I should/would just fall into and revel in. I want to never get divorced – i want to intelligently pick a great life partner and build a life. Do you other brides question whether you’re marrying the right man during the run up to your marriage? I don’t like to think I am settling, but I think that rushing love feeling will come later, and come and go. The one time he and I split up for a week before we were engaged, I felt devastated and like I had really lost something great- I guess that was my “unavailable man” circuitry tripping off. I hate that I mostly “feel” ” LOVE” when it’s in crisis, but I feel good that I know this about myself and have outwitted it by evolving and choosing a healthy relationship. Anyway- if I’m not twirling around like a giddy bride, can I feelmgoodvabout just taking all this wedding junk in stride and knowing I made a great solid choice in a life partner?
Post # 3
I have no doubt that I am marrying the guy for me. I feel closer and more in love with him every day. I don’t gush or ramble onto anyone about this. I don’t get all exicted about the wedding, it’s just a day, a big party. No fairytale crazy bullshit.
I don’t show much affection in public, it is just yuck. But I’ve had many friends mention to both of us (separately) that we are an amazing match. We’ve got that chemistry. Which I think is better than gushing all over each other.
Hope I’m making sense. I’m at work and busy while I’ve been trying to post this. Haha.
Post # 4
@Milo: Thank you so much for sharing.
Post # 5
I am not the public show of affection type person but that is only because my mother was not very affectionate towards me, and it feels weird. I have a hug time limit lol. My man loves cuddles and affectionate displays. He has got me over the uncomfortable hug periods and now I don’t mind hugs anymore…….But still have my time limit :)….I know I am with a man who is good for me.
Post # 6
@Kimy: I must think I am on Facebook bc I keep looking for the “Like” button. Thanks for sharing, my fellow ice queens 😉
Post # 7
I was never a giddy bride either. My relationship with DH is very much like what you describe, tho he is still affectionate in public, which I find sweet. He’s very much a gentleman and supportive of me.
You can’t really do much better than to have your therapist tell you that you hit the husband jackpot.
Of course, I’m an older Bee, that could be part of it. But I know what you mean about the angst being gone.
We’ve been together about ten years now, married for two. He wanted marriage, I took awile to come around. But it works for us. I genuinely like as well as love my DH, and I think that’s worth a lot.
I’m happy to live drama/trauma fee in my marriage.
Post # 8
This is totally normal, and unfortunately, it’s something our culture tends to scorn. People who have “been there” and been there recently get it better than folks who have been married for a while or people who have never been engaged. My reaction was like yours. I don’t talk much about my wedding.
Meanwhile, my future sister-in-law screamed and shouted it from the rooftops every time she had the opportunity. It was a year-long nonstop parade in her honor about how much she loves her husband, every little gesture she did for him, every little gesture he did for her – it was a public spectacle. I’m probably at the opposite extreme. I talk about it here, but otherwise go about wedding crap solo. People ask about it and I’m generally noncommital or brief about it, so I’ve been given many odd looks.
And I suspect I’ve been the gossip of my future in-law’s family because of it, but I’m not like them. No one should feel pressured into putting on a display that doesn’t feel normal or right just to convince other people that you’re sincere.
My engagement was low-key. The proposal was low-key and I didn’t cry. I show affection toward my fiance, even in public, but we’re probably fairly moderate in that realm.
Don’t feel guilty for being you. Life and marriage aren’t fairytales.
Post # 9
Awe thanks ladies! my FH and I are affectionate- I just am not feeling the need to proclaim how in love we are daily on Facebook or giggle to everyone about my wedding. It will come, it will go, live life one day at a time!
Post # 10
I’m so not giddy. I AM excited but I’ve never been the overly excited and giddy type.
Post # 11
@Naiomibelle: Great post, I feel exactly like you. For us, we knew we had to have a wedding eventually (his parents had money set aside for it, and *only* it, MIL badly wants a wedding), but it’s not a big thing. We got engaged when I realized that if we didn’t get moving on it, I’d be 30 before we got married. Not sure why that matters, LOL. It will be nice to still have some youth in our wedding photos 😛
Post # 12
I feel you! I think I literally posted twice ever about my engagement on Facebook. The first time was the day after he proposed. The second was 11 months later, a couple of days ago to say the wait was down to the single digits.
I love my FI more than anyone in the world, but we almost never announce mushy stuff like that on facebook. I’m comfortable enough and confident enough in our relationship and our happiness that I don’t feel like I need to shout it from the peak of the highest mountain.
Post # 13
I am not a giddy bride either. In fact, my fiance is more “giddy” than me about us getting married. I don’t gush about us on facebook. And I had many of the same questions as you did.
But I suffered for years from being attracted to unavailable men and mistaking those feelings for love. It is so much better to have a stable, calm relationship – and I know that this is a healthy love and I am just not used to it.
Like you, we hit a rough patch during our engagement and it seemed to be over. We both knew the relationship was worth fighting for and we survived – and it deepened our love for each other and our commitment.
I notice many synchronicities that affirm that I am meant to marry my fiance. This help when I too question it all because I am not a giddy bride.
Thanks for sharing your journey. Just another synchronicity for me!
Post # 14
This thread is PERFECT for me. I am so excited to be my FIs wife and to start a family with him and continue our life together, but I am turned off by basically anything typically “bridal,” as is he. When he proposed, I didn’t cry…I laughed and smiled! THen we called our families and laughed and smiled and BSed some more. I’m excited to be able to throw an awesome party (that we don’t have to work, for once!) but I’m having a hard time even calling it a “wedding.” The ceremony part doesn’t seem all that exciting to me either- I guess I just know that things won’t really CHANGE between us after that day, which is exactly what we want. I’m not waiting for a wedding to see if he becomes someone new, and I know having a “husband” won’t really feel much different than we do now because we’ve felt the same for so long. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t seem as gigantically exciting?
It will be nice to call him my husband, though… I feel like bf has such a flighty connotation for people my age!
Post # 15
I’m not really giddy either. I assumed it’s more our ages, I’m 32 and he’s 39. Just yesterday I told my best friend I would be a terrible wife and I miss my independence. But I think it was just PMS talking. I do wish he was gone more so I could just spend some time alone. I don’t really think that makes me a bad person, just someone who likes my personal time.
We’re annoying/mushy at home sitting on the couch sometimes, but not in public or on FB. I think it’s annoying when my FB friends have lived out their entire relationship and wedding planning on there. I posted when we got engaged and when I finally got a dress. But I think that’s all. I’m never going to be SO excited to be getting MARRIED!!!!!! Lol. But I am happy and we have a great relationship.
I agree 100% about being ready to call him my husband. I hate the word boyfriend and really feel stupid calling him my fiancé. Idk why.
Post # 16
I like this thread, even if I am a bit late to the party! I’m not so much a giddy one, either. Don’t post much about it on Facebook, don’t mention wedding plans unless asked, or if I do I’m probably complaining about how much I really kinda hate the whole process. I know I love my FI, he knows it, no need to prove it to anyone or fish for attention with the fact. “Look, I snagged a MaN!! We’re so in loooooove!! No one else on EaRTH has ever been in love like WE ArrREeE!! Everyone comment and like it so I can feel like a SpeCiaL PrinCessSss!!”
I admit I did tear up a little when he proposed. But I blame that on being completely unprepared. Dude was ninja-like in his sneakiness.
When we first got together, there were of course more butterflies than there are now, 4 years later. But what I now lack in butterflies, I make up for in feeling completely accepted and loved for who I am. Even when who I am is a rather dorky introvert who gets crazy emotionally unstable when hungry and breaks out more than is fair for a 31 year old.