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LOL you sound like my kind of girl :D I have a very bad potty mouth and have been told I curse more than a sailor (f'g rocks in my book lol)... and I didn't realize I was strange until M's sister/one of my bm's asked me for a guest list for my lingerie shower. ummm mm-kay I don't have any girlfriend's, I have one friend here and her sister is my friend so that's two. LOL. I think after thinking really hard I came up with 4 friends for my list. W was appalled she was like OMG girl you have no friends here?! I was like I have no friends anywhere I have family and a handful of friends from college, etc.
Yeah, it's just been so strange and almost surreal thinking about my wedding party. I can think of two really close girlfriends, and like five or so guys that could be my bridesmen! I don't know if it would be appropriate to have a bunch of guys lined up next to me while I get married tee hee. I think I will have at least one bridesman though. Any thoughts on that?
You totally sound like me! I've always had more "guy" friends than "girl" friends because I just find guys easier to relate too! And I've noticed that I've changed more than those I used to hang around with, and due to that, I have less in common with my "old" friends and subsequently hang out with them less because it's hard to relate to their way of life now that I'm no longer living mine that way.
Apparently this whole "friend making" thing doesn't end at kindergarten . . .
I’m in a similar boat to you, aside from my best friend from high school, 95% of my friends are all guys (and always have been guys). I never really saw it as a “problem” until wedding event planning – I’m not having a shower, in part, because I just don’t have a group of girlfriends to invite over.
I think having bridemen is fine! FH and I are just having 1 per side, and his best friend is a woman, so he technically has a “Best Woman” instead of a Best Man.
Oh well, I’m happy with the friends I have! :)
In my 20's I was much the same way. I made a conscious effort to nurture any relationships with women I *did* connect with, and now I have this awesome group of really kick-butt women who feel like sisters to me! We've been hanging out for nearly 10 years, and most of them are even less girlie than I am.
We may have bonded over snowboarding, but now we joke that we are "heterosexual life partners" to each other :)
I have also found that since developing these friendships (and it hasn't always been easy) that now I find it much easier to befriend women! Its a wonderful thing :)
Thanks for all your encouragement guys! I'm glad I at least have a few ladies who relate to me here!
@Toastercat: I only have 3 bridesmaids (one pulled out yesterday) so i don't think it would be that strange to have one stand next to you. i definitely like DG have tried to make an effort to be closer to women and have a pretty cool group of women that i hang out with (most are in the wedding business like me, so we definitely get to talk girlie stuff all the time)
I, too, find it hard being friends with girls. I don't have a lot of girl friends and most of my close friends are guys. I have probably a handful of girl friends and that's about it. I had the same problem when I was putting together a list of people to invite to showers and the bachelorette party. Oh well, I've never been a very social person and I'm very happy just having a few friends that I get together with every once in a while.
I think it would be great if you had a bridesman.
I'm the exact same way. After I graduated college and had a more broad perspective on life, and I was also more settled with my husband (BF at the time) I did a lot of reflection and decided to simply end relationships with girls I felt were, just well ... not right for me. These were all women who I felt pressured to do things with like partying, bar hopping, clubbing, and couldn't possibly understand my willingness to settle down with my husband. When I stopped having friendships with them, my life was so much better, and honestly, I have like two really good girlfriends, and the rest are guy friends from college (I had WAY more guy friends that I felt like I could be myself around).
For my BM, I only had two: my sister, who I'm REALLY close with, and my cousin, who's like a sister to me. One of the many reasons we decided to have a small wedding party was so I didn't feel obligated to include any female friends I wasn't particularly close with, and then in the end, we decided to keep it all family.
Agreed. I get along with guys a lot better than I do with girls. Even with some of my best girlfriends I get sick of listening to them complain about the same friggin problem over and over. I guess I'm a deal with it and move on type of person, which I think is from having so many male friends. I've actually made a few girlfriends through WB though and I'm really happy about that! It's nice to know someone who lives closeby and who I know I won't bore to death talking about crafts and wedding junk, LOL!
@Crebre I think I am going to have one bridesman for sure... He's been my best friend for about seven years but he's not that close with Mr. Toaster. I think it will be nice to have a smaller wedding party, but then the dilemma is that my two girlies each live in different states than me! I really wish they could be more involved, but oh well!
Youre not alone. & as noted by the responses youve gotten. theres a lot of us on the same boat.
I have a lot of close guy friends and they all know my husband. The ones that didnt take the time to get to know him or show interest.. i said.. bye bye too.
You can come to CA and be my friend! This sounds really familiar. I'm really, really crass (even the guys I know are terrified of what comes out of my mouth) and quite confrontational, so with a lot of women I end up having to put on my "work manners" which is not something I'm interested in doing with my close friends.
Look at it this way - if you're off-putting to a lot of women, those are the ones that you're not all that friendship-compatible with anyway. It's a quick screen and makes it easier to find the women who you really mesh with. I know it's hard with all this wedding stuff - FI has more female friends than I do and I'm not sure what we're doing for wedding party stuff. Probably just being uneven. For other stuff, do what you want. Anyone who tells me I can't have a coed bachelorette party where I try to terrify my friends with inappropriateness is getting kicked in the groin. Or, you know, just have a night of nice dinner and drinks / silly board games / movie marathon / whatever sort of fun with your friends that floats your boat.
@Entangled - thanks so much, you sound just like me! I never thought about coed bachelorette party... lol (the gears are starting to turn) I also understand EXACTLY what you mean by "work manners" how exhausting!
:-( sounds like me right now! I always swore I wouldn't "GIVE UP" my girls when I settled... but when "my girls" turned out to be conditional friends, forget it. I have ONE close girl friend.
But frankly, that's me in a nutshell. I've always had maybe 5-10 friends and 1-2 close friends and I have ALWAYS gotten along better with guys!! I am just not a dramatic person, though I am TRULY a girly girl!! Doesn't make sense, right?
** sigh ** and my boyfriend also just has a couple close friends but they are all guys. I think once I get settled with my life in the summer (I am going to go to college full time) I will start volunteering or working on meeting people who I can relate to. :-)
@artichoke, I am pretty girly-girl too! I wonder what it is that is intrinsically different about us that just makes us more compatible with guys? And even though my friends have mostly always been guys, I have never had that "just one of the guys" syndrome which I am grateful for. It's a mystery.
There is a lot to be said for quality over quantity, especially if you're like me and find being social to be very tiring. I can't go out more than two or three times a week, and I don't like to talk on the phone very much, so maintaining friendships can be hard. It's much worse with lots of friends than with just a few! I am ditching the traditional ideas of showers and bachelorette parties and doing what I enjoy instead. Maybe I'll have a shower with my old lady family friends, like a tea party, and I'll probably get 5 or so girls together and have drinks at a blues club for a hen night (okay, we might head to a strip bar after, I must admit). My fiance doesn't want to do a joint bachelor party, but if yours does, you could do that or just have an awesome time gambling or rock climbing or dancing with both your girlfriends and your guyfriends. In general, though, when it comes to female relationships, I would say don't worry about it but do keep making an effort to look out for women you like.
@Hopewell, maybe the grass is just greener on the other side haha. I am lucky to have the friends that I do have.
@ToasterCat: I totally hear you! Maybe it's the fact that I grew up with only brothers, but I've never been a girls' girl. Truth is, I get nervous around other women, especially when I'm meeting them for the first time. I, too, have a dry sense of humor, and I tend to laugh at "guy jokes". A lot of the women I know are feminists, always talking about things that "empower" them, and I never know what to say. I don't feel like I need to surround myself with other women to feel "empowered".
My fiance is in a small fraternity, and those guys have become my best friends. I'm the sort of girl who gets invited over to watch the football game, because I'll enjoy it on the same level as all the guys would. I make stupid jokes, and play beer-pong like a pro. One thing I don't do, however, is drink excessively the way a lot of the guys do, and that's the one "girly" thing they point out about me.
Through it all, however, (and in between the dumb jokes I make), I still talk and dress like a girl. Not a girly-girl, but I wear feminine outfits and take care of my skin and hair.
One of my female friends accused me of not "identifying" enough with the fact that I'm a woman. I don't know what that means! I totally feel like a woman. I just happen to jive better with guys.
More power to us, in my opinion. Guys tend to make way less complicated friends, and they'll NEVER call to ask you what you're wearing so that they don't wear the same thing (that's one thing I never understood! "Umm, yeah, I'm wearing a blue shirt. I don't give a flying squirrel if you wear one too.")
We can be best friends IRL!
Personally, I can't stand most females. Females are too needy, whiny, too girly girl. I have little female friends as well. What annoys me even more are females who claim not be girly but ARE.
Anyway, I guess in the same spectrum because of the wedding I wish I had more female friends. So that there's a crazy bachelorette party. A cute bridal shower. But you know what? I really don't' care! At the end of the day the people I really care about will be there. And I was a partyer for one year of college and quickly got over that phase.
And quite frankly. Most people have a lot of acquaintances. Not friends. How many people have friends that you know you can count on. If something happens you can count on them. Not many people do.
I know that the few friends FI and I surround ourselves with if we ever need them for anything they will be there. Even if it inconveniences them. Know what I mean?
FI is the only best friend I will ever need!
@Gerbera, my FH is my absolute best friend too! Most of the time we prefer to stay in and hang out with each other anyway! (Not the best way to make new friends lol )
I've come to the conclusion I'm too adept at identifying intentions and social plays, especially with women. I don't like to be included in the drama because my thoughts are generally about something meaningful to me; spirituality, decorating, what to cook for dinner, what places to travel to. Not what "Jessie" said to "Rebecca" and how Rebecca claims she's not upset but throws darts at their old college photos when she gets drunk (which is too much! She drinks, like, every night! OMG what a LUSH!!) - see what I mean? I can almost guarantee an exchange like this will happen EVERY TIME I get together with a girl. It's amusing every once in a while, but I can't handle this constantly. It's trivial!!!
I like guys because they are easy going! They are funny and protective and entertaining with women rather than being in constant competition.
But... I still do the girls thing from time to time. It enriches my life, just not in the way it used to!!! :-)
I am in the same boat! I have always gotten along better with guys, but am really craving female friendships lately. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have much in common with a lot of women and generally find a lot of female behavior annoying. I'm not crass or overly opinionated, but I get completely turned off by gossip, drama, and women who let men treat them like crap because "they love him." I'm extremely practical and rational and not at all sensitive, so already I seem strange to a lot of the women I meet.
I am very close with my SIL and my sister, but my closest high school girlfriends have either moved away, or I just realized they were too bitchy for me. I never formed any close relationships in college, and while I rushed my freshman year, I never joined a sorority because in a full week of meeting thousands of girls, I did not meet one I had a connection with.
I think what it may really come down to, at least for me, is that I don't think emotionally like the majority of women do, therefore I just don't communicate with them as well as I do with men. I'm hoping in the future when I have children, perhaps I will be able to form bonds through school or play dates or just reconnect with old friends who also have kids. Until then, I don't really have anywhere to meet women.
Count me in too. I'm only girl in my fam & was the only one in my neighborhood growing up. I was never into girly stuff and have zero patience for giggly girly-girls & the drama. My mother was "shocked" that the gowns I liked mostly had lace detail and that one of my predominant colors is pink (I like to call it champagne, but to be honest... dude, it's pink).
I can only think of about 3 really good friends that are female (2 MOH & 1 BM) and they're all childhood friends. My best friend from college is a guy. I was in his wedding last year, and he's a GM in our wedding. Most of my friends from college are guys and my girlfriends from college -- married my guy friends.
Having men as friends didn't sit well with guys I dated in the past. Luckily FI has a friend from kindergarten (she's a BM too) so he gets it. Once he realized that my college friends view me more as one of the guys rather than one of their wives - it was all good.
FI's got a lot of friends though & most are married or in relationships - there's a LOT of girls in that crowd. There's a lot of drama and an almost sorority vibe. I do my best but I never really feel like part of that group. Most of the time when I meet a new group of girls - I'm reminded - "THIS is why I'm not friends with girls!"
I will admit with wedding details and looking at starting a family, I've def. felt the need for more female input. I guess that's why I like WB so much.
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I haven't been on this site for too long and I haven't really brought up any of my personal business so far, but I figure this is a place where I can try to let some of my frustration and sadness go out into the universe (because keeping it inside isn't good)
Anyway, down to brass tacks. As my FH and I have gotten very serious we have started to sequester ourselves from the people in our lives that we don't find necessary. Ie: People who have a strong tendency to party, people who are in a state of mind that we find negative, and flakes, ect... This has had an impact of the sheer number of friends we have, which for the most part is OK with us.
Now, my problem is that most of my remaining friends are guys. I would say a good 95% of them are male. I have always gotten along with boys better than girls, (I'm not quite sure why) but I REALLY enjoy the female companionship that I do have. All of the true female friends I have ever had require a certain kind of lady. Maybe it's the way I communicate or come across, but mostly no matter what I try, I am off-putting to most women. Sometimes I even feel like I have to flirt with them in a way to make them like me ( I know that sounds uber strange...) It feels fake and contrived and I don't like to do it!
As my wedding rolls around and as I simply mature, I am starting to crave more female friends but I am at a loss as for what to do. I am not mean spirited, but I am very honest, probably joke around a little too much, am not that sweet, and have a dry and filthy sense of humor. I know that all these parts of me make me who I am (even the less desirable ones ie: opinionated, crass) but sometimes I just wish I was a girl's girl. :(
Thanks for listening!