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I know exactly how you feel. It took me a while to establish friendships, mostly from coworkers. But my best friend from work went back to school far away so I've moved back a couple steps. I have a few promising friends from a workout group I'm in and I've also started doing charity work in order to get out there.
I feel the exact same way. I love the girls in my wedding party (I have six- a cousin, FSIL, and 4 friends) but I'm not super close with any of them, like talk about anything close... and they're all from my hometown, which is 1.5 hours away from me now. FI has tons of friends and never has any problems, I wish I were like that :(
I'm 20 and I've never consumed more than a couple sips of alcohol at one time, the party scene isn't my thing either. I'm in college and I haven't made a single friend here. So I know how you feel. I guess I just throw myself into school and try to forget about it. FI and I are long distance so I just have my cats to talk to, lol. I don't really know how to deal with it... but you're not alone!
Glad to see I'm not alone! I wish I could be closer with my cousins that are close to my age..but one likes to party alot and the other we were getting to be close but then she said some rude things to my mom about me and we haven't really talked a lot since.
MissAsb I would love to do workout groups and stuff but we live wayy out in the country so it is hard to do anything like that and we work together so we ride together all the time to have money.
Also we don't have a ton of extra money I mean we have some but not a lot to spend all the time on going out and doing stuff.
You're not alone. I only had the choice of three people. One of those people stopped talking to me though I thought we were best friends. So, now I was left with two people. It really depressed me. I then realized that it doesn't matter who is in or at my wedding. What matters the most is the marriage and commitment between me and FI.
I'm the same way. I just don't connect well with peopel my age, especially girls. It sucks and I hate it, but my fiance has two amazing sisters who have become my own so I'm okay with that. Except now we live 2,000 miles away from them which is a bummer but I'm sure once I start working and go back to school I'll meet people.
In my wedding though I'm only having my sisters + his sisters + one of my cousins. I personally prefer it to be this way because friendships can change and I wouldn't want people that I no longer care for in my wedding pictures.
I am so relieved to read that I am not the only person who feel like this. I am 27 and even though we hung out with a bunch of people in HS, we all grew apart- college, some of us grew up/ some didn't, moving. I also didn't associate with many people in college and FI didn't go. I lived off campus, was a full time students, and had 2 jobs. Now that we both have careers and a daughter, going out happens once in a blue moon and even then we are not the type to spark up a convo with strangers. I am a teacher so I have many "friends" at school, but I don't know many of the people well enough to invite them to something so intimate in my life. Because of this we are only having a MOH and a best man. Since my sister and I aren't close she is not even going to be in my wedding. Every time I look at my guest list I get a lil depressed. I am just hoping that we have more friends at our wedding than his parents will (FMIL HAD to invite all her BFF's that she claims practically helped raise FI). I just keep telling myself that those that will be there are the people that we truly love and care about and that would do anything for us.
I'm 20 and I can relate! I'm exactly the same way. I'm away at college. I'm always busy with school, work, and staying close to my FI and spending every minute I can with him. unfortunately my friendships have suffered and I've grown apart from my once-close friends. I'm glad to know I'm not the only on! It's embarrassing sometimes...
@pierogi: I feel the same way about the bridesmaid situation!
I was in your shoes (still am) and did not have a bridal party.
DH had grown apart so much with his old friends he had no men to stand up with him and didn't want me to ask my friends to stand for both of us. So we just did away with it altogether.
It's def. not typical but worked for us.
I wish I had people I could have chosen but seeing how those friends did not show up even as guests... I'm glad we had no party to begin with.
I can totally relate! I have 3 bridesmaids - my sister, BFF, and really good friend). What I am finding though is that our wedding won't be very young, as in we don't have many friends to invite, so it will mainly be our family. Honestly, Out of a 120 person guest list, only 10-15 will be our friends (and that is counting plus ones too!)
I had some friends, but then moved to another province and over two years later I don't really have friends. I've moved around alot in my 20's so I'm sort of used to it now that I'm almost 30. I keep in touch with the people I've made friends with but it gets hard. I have my best friend since high school and we've hardly lived in the same town since but have remained close. Now I work in a small office with people twice my age and they don't do social things with coworkers. So for me my decision was easy, my best friend, two sisters and a cousin that I am pretty close with.
It would be nice to have some friends were I live, hopefully one day. It is really hard to get in with women in a new town because I find they have their circle of friends and things they do and they don't include new people. And I'm definitely not into going to the bar to make friends!
I also do not have very many friends that I would consider close enough to me that I would like to stand up with me at my wedding. My few close friends are spread throughout the world and I don't think they would be able to pay the costs of travel to come. I've debated not having a wedding party altogether but at the same time it seems kind of lonely.
I only have one real gf left, use to have a lot of friends in high school but now being 28 they have moved/lost touch. I'm just going with a small wedding, very few family and maybe my gf, no need to invite tons of old friends and distance family when they probably won't come, lol.
AHH you just wrote my story haha.... I am 22 I work full time and go to school full time my FI doesnt drink, we dont party I only have one good friend and my FI works a lot and lost most of his friends bc he doesnt drink and all the ppl he works with are waaay older so we are having a tiny bridal party... my Bestie of 18 yrs is MOH, FI's brother is the best man and his sister is my BM and my brother is his GM... its tiny and i like it I can be confident that all of these ppl will be in my lfe forever so I dont have to look back on my pics and be like "oh yeah remeber her?".
I feel the same way! I had a hard time deciding who to ask to be a bridesmaid, because I felt like most of my friends are more like acquaintances. I'm a quieter/shy person, so it's hard for me to make friends.
I know how you feel. In high school I had about eight close girlfriends that we always hung out, went to football games together, always grabbing lunch and with each other. Some of us were closer with others, as the group grew apart I was only close with two of the girls. At the time I was with my boyfriend (now ex) for two years. Everyone went different ways, different colleges, new friends and jobs. I am now engaged and feel more mature than most of ; if not all of the girls. They live at home, live for drama. While I work two part time jobs and are planning a wedding. I have one really close friend, which is my MOH, but she lives thirty minutes away. All my old friends dont really know my FI and I'm okay with that. He has a sister but is a little older than us and we arent really close, she is busy with working and TTC. I feel alone at times too because my FI works ALOT ! But I know I would much rather have a few true friends than alot of fake.
I'm in the same boat and it's nice to know I'm not the only one. I live abroad from my family and several of the friends I made here have moved away or we have just lost touch because we are at different stages in our lives. It makes me sad sometimes but i try to think of the friends i do have and my SO and be thankful. I look at our guest list and I struggle to come up with names of people that I feel are close enough to be there on my wedding day. I have a MOH and one bridesmaid (my sister and one good friend) but struggle to find a third. As my sister lives in my native country, and my bridesmaid lives here in the UK i was thinking of asking one of SO's friends in Canada, where the wedding will be, but am worried that they will think it is weird as they don't know me that well. what do you guys think?
I have 2 girls in my wedding party and other than them... I'll probably only invite like 3 people who fall into the friend category. I don't drink at all (not that I'm old enough to drink, but that doesn't stop anybody lol), so I don't really fit in with the people I work with. Sometimes I think I'm the only person in the military who doesn't drink lol.
I guess I kinda just find my own stuff to do, since the only thing people do here is party. I'd rather read a good book alone than watch people get wasted. :/
Not meaning to offend anyone who does drink, cause I don't really care if people drink. It's just not something I personally do and I'd rather do something else than 'party'.
ARE WE THE SAME PERSON? I am 22 and also planning my wedding.... with like, one friend... who is going into the army. So yeah, she probably won't really be around. I get really sad sometimes thinking about it. If you ever wanna chat, you can pm me! we could always discuss wedding stuff together!
I'm also 22 and feel the exact same way as you ladies! I'm new to area and haven't made any new friends. All my bridesmaids are scattered across the country and don't even talk to me that often. I wish I had a sister or someone who I could hang out with but all I have is my mother who hates my FI. I have nobody to talk to about the wedding and it's really hard. It's so nice to know i'm not the only one. Feel free to message me and we can chat sometime! :)
I can definitely relate to this! I am 23 and I've moved states and countries several times in the past 4 years so it's been hard to stay friends with people. I am back in school now and SO can't understand why I haven't made any friends (he's very outgoing and makes friends where ever he goes). It's hard when all of my classmates are 18 and 19 years olds that are in a completely different stage in their lives than me. And like many of you have mentioned I am only an occassional drinker (SO doesn't drink at all) and I really feel like I've just outgrown partying and getting trashed.
I'm a bit older here, but I understand the feeling. I'm one of those people in a relationship where everyone around us asks what is wrong if the other isn't around. I knew it was bad when a girl friend from college called me down for a girl's night and just assumed the other half would come with me. :)
Regardless, if we do have attendants, it will be a friend from high school who I'm not super close to anymore, but is someone with whom I instantly bond with again in less than 5 minutes talking. He's just someone who has meant so much to me in my life, and even though we hadn't talked a lot in the few years before I started dating my better half, it was vital they met quickly when I knew he was the one. Another, if we have two, will be a friend from college who I'm close to, even though I know she likely wouldn't ask me to stand with her because she has closer friends. She understands that I just don't let a lot of people in really close.
For my other half, he has some good friends who he would ask. None are crazy best buddies, but enough that if he needed to get away for a weekend, he'd call them up. I guess it speaks volumes that he's never felt he needs to get away in the years we've dated or lived together. :)
I would say that you shouldn't feel pressured to have attendants. I think that there are now so many different types of weddings these days that no one will likely notice at all if you don't have a wedding party. They will be at your wedding to focus on you.
@futuremrsgeis: I feel the same way! My bridal party is all family and 1 friend from college. I feel like I didn't connect well with the types of girls who went to my college, so I focused on what I was really there for instead (getting an education and working), and most of my friends are scattered around the country, and the world for that matter. Glad to know I'm not the only one either!
I have said it once and I will say it again 'There is nothing like a wedding to make you feel lonely'. The only person in my wedding party is my best friend. FI is the same, he had an even harder time as the person he does not have the type of relationship that he wanted with the person chose (my best friends fiance). They are good friends, but not 'brother' close.
We dont have a large circle of friends that we feel are close enough to invite to a wedding. We have heaps of aquaintances though! lol. All up if you include their partners we have 15 friends in total coming. Not as much as some, but enough to still make us feel loved. In the beginning it was hard, but now I am watching my best friend plan a wedding, I am kinda glad... her friends list alone is a good 30 people and thats not including partners! Talk about messy and expensive.
I'm 21, almost 22, and I'm in the same boat. Although I'm not getting married anytime soon.
I've had a hard time relating to anyone, ever. I never really had friends in high school, and the few that I did I'm not close to anymore. I have one really good girlfriend, but she's married with a baby, so while we are still close, we're not as close as we used to be pre baby. I do have another decently close friend, but she also has a baby, so the dynamic of my relationship has changed. I've lived where I live now for two years and I haven't made any friends. I'm about to move and I probably won't make any friends there either. I have serious social anxiety which really does get in the way of doing much of anything, with anyone. I mean, I can't go to the grocery store before 11 pm because before that I will run into people. I My FH has friends, but he's always at work or in class so he doesn't have much free time.
Sometimes it bothers me that I'm 21 and I spend all of my time at my house, with my dog and cats, watching the Game Show Network, but it doesn't bother me that much anymore.
I'm not that worried about my wedding though. I might ask the two people I'm still close to, or I might only ask one depending on where they are in their lives. I've always wanted a small wedding though, so in the end I know it will work out.
I can relate. I'm 24 and i've always been shy, voted most shy in H.S lol. I have 6 BMs my Aunt, sister, my two best friends(their twins) but live in PA, my FI best friends wife and a younger cousin.
I feel the same way! FI and I have dated since freshman year of high school and we really lost touch with any friends we had in the later part of high school and into college. We don't like to go out and party and we became content with just eachother. Lucky for us we have family members who work well for our wedding party, I have 3 sisters and he has 3 male cousins that are close to my sisters' ages so it worked out pretty well. But ya, our guest list is mostly just family, but we're ok with that. 
i feel the same, grown apart from high school friends mostly, only have one or two university friends, and then friends i met through my best friend (whom i have been friends with for 19 years), and my FI. my FI and I mostly hang out just us, don't really see other people that much. i know it's unhealthy and i want to make more friends that aren't his and my friends :)
I know exactly what you're talking about. I have one real friend and my hubby has one sorta friend (who is 20 years older than we are. I'm 27 now but I feel like most people my age have not grown up yet. We both have jobs, we're married, we have our first house, and we have our little fur babies. Neighther of us are into the drinking/club scene. We don't get to meet new people and sometimes that can be hard.
I like to think that in a few years, when people our age are more mature, we might make some friends. For now, I love my life with my hubby and I'm happy.
Side note: When it came to my wedding, most of the guests were family and my parents friends. I hardly new the people there.
I know just how you feel. I've never been good at making friends. I had two really close friends in high school. One never grew up and the other moved away. In college I had a tight-knit group of girlfriends, but there was some drama with my boyfriend and everyone ended up shunning me and then the one girl's boyfriend started harassing me on a constant basis. It got so bad that I ended up transferring schools. And I just became completely incapable of being close to people. I even joined a sorority in an effort to make friends, but I just felt disconnected there, too. And FI doesn't have many friends, either. He's a distant, aloof sort of person when you first meet him, and I think that really throws people off. Once he loosens up, he's awesome, but no one ever seems to stick around long enough to figure that out.
It bothers me now particularly because our guest list basically consists of our relatives, about three or four people I do consider to be close friends, and a lot of acquaintances. And most of the relatives are his, because his family is much larger than mine. And most of them are old and ill to some degree. FI wants to have this huge rocking party and all I can picture is an empty dance floor and everyone staring at each other like, "Is this thing over yet?" Not to mention, lots of people from both our families are very uppity and stuffy and not likely to approve of our music, dancing, etc. The only people who really care about us getting married are our immediate families and our handful of close friends, and I wish that those would be the only people at the wedding. But no, we have to invite every relative and more acquaintances than I'm comfortable with because he wants a huge party.
I'd love to have a small ceremony with the family and friends we actually care about, followed by a very nice dinner at a very nice restaurant, and then maybe we can go out for drinks with our handful of close friends and let loose a little bit. But I hate that I have to try to plan this huge wedding that I don't even want with absolutely no friends around to help or support me or just make me feel less lonely.
I can relate to this myself. Even though I am in a sorority I still keep a small circle, and my finace keeps an even smaller ciricle. I do sometimes feel a disconnect from those my age, but when I realize what I go and where I am wanting to go in my life no longer dwell on it. I have a small circle for a reason and my fiance and I rather spend time with family and each other than do the club atmosphere all the time.
I can totally relate to all the comments here, I'm exactly the same. Had two best friends in high school and lots of close friends but one of my best friends moved countries and the other gained a boyfriend whom I severely disliked/dislike (for good reason, he got jealous of me and my bff DANCING and pushed her, she fell into me and I fell into a pole, resulting in a nice black eye). SHe's still with the guy and we don't talk much now. It didn't help that mi FI and I moved cities for "college" (university here in New Zealand). We made a few close friends there but have since moved BACK to our hometown. Everyone from our hometown has left though, and even then I feel like I've outgrown them all. Everyone our age just wants to drink and party and pretend they're still 18. I like to have a few drinks sure, but I prefer to do it at home with my FI, watching movies and snuggling. Heaven :)
Ah, I get it. I want to have people I want to talk to, but it's been a long time since I felt like there was someone(/s? haha) like that for me. Lots of people I keep in touch with casually, but I basically feel like spending more time with them is just not for me. The people I was close with before, I have either cut contact with or fallen out of touch with them.
I'm terrible at keeping in touch, plus I find it hard to trust people (not that you would think that if you met me, I'm very friendly and outgoing). I don't really have many friends except for FIs. FI has lots. Sometimes it makes me feel sad, but I can be a bit of a loner I guess. Maybe I just have to be OK with that...
I feel like I might be in a similar boat. My three BEST friends from high school (everyone else drifted aprart) are, to this day, still the closest friends I have. We are now half way through college and all living apart, but none of us have found girfriends who can even come close to each other. Its not that I haven't make friends here at school, its just they've all been lackluster compared to my girls. Quality is better than quantity. I have my girls, I have my SO, I have my family. Everyone else is expendable and I try not to let that bother me.
EDIT: as for drinking/partying neither my SO nor I are big partiers. He loves his beer, though. Mostly we prefer to stay home or have a low key dinner with good friends rather than go crazy clubbing or anything like that.
I completely understand where you are coming from. SO friends are still in the college mode even though they graduated 3 years a go. I pretty much stopped drinking all together and rarely do. SO doesn't like to do it that much as well and we would rather be in our nice home, enjoying the evening together versus being in a bar all night with people we don't know.
I figured by this time we would be vacationing with his friends and their girlfriends, having dinner parties and bbq...but they never do anything so we don't hang out with them much anymore.
Instead we just have a nice weekend together, cook dinner together, plan outtings and make the best of it until we can move back to California where my friends and our friends from college are more like us at this time in our lives.
It bothers me more than it does him to not have many friends but we just make do for it now.
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Hi Bees!
I'm 22 and planning a september wedding. I've been thinking about who to have in my wedding party. And realized I don't have a lot of friends and sometime it gets me down. I had a lot of friends in high school but we have all grown apart. I worked while in college and also switched colleges. I have one real good gf and thats it. MY FI isn't from the area so he doesn't have any either. Also I work six days a week and we don't like to drink a lot. I feel like we don't have a lot in common with people our age...
Does any one else felt this way & how do you deal with it?