Not asked to be a bridesmaid?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Sorry I haven’t been in your situation. While it is okay to feel hurt, do not bring this up with the bride. It is her day and her choice of who she has in her wedding party. She probably wanted a smaller number of those who are the closest to her. Just because you had her in your bridal party does not mean she is required to have you in hers.

Post # 4
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Don’t dwell on it. I don’t believe in being obligated to have someone as a BM just because they had me. I can understand being a bit hurt but don’t mention it to anyone. 

Post # 5
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@RedRose1979:  I thought a good friend of mine would ask me recently and she didn’t. I think of it as a blessing and it’s just saving me from the financial and emotional burden that goes along with being a BM. I can’t wait to attend her wedding though

Post # 6
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s saving you money! This is a good thing!

Post # 8
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@RedRose1979:  Don’t take it as a slight. We’re not having a wedding party at all; that doesn’t mean I’m not close to anyone, I have a bazillion friends. If anything, we’ve been told by friends and vendors how smart we are!

 

Post # 9
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@RedRose1979:  maybe she just couldn’t have a big party and two bridesmaids are sisters, that’s kinda obligatory!!! So she really only picked two friends! I’d be more hurt if she picked 20 and then not you

Post # 10
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know you’re upset, but you’re going to have to get over it. I don’t know if she plans on changing anything, but AFAIK, I will not be in my MOH’s wedding. I was hurt, but she came and told me and explained, and I understood. I got over it pretty quickly.

Post # 11
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I know this sucks but it’s not the end of the world. Do not bring it up with her. There’s probably a variety of reasons why she didn’t pick you, don’t let it get to you.

Post # 12
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@RedRose1979:  I have a friend I have known since we were THREE!!  We graduated from the same high school (we live in a big city, so we didn’t always go to school together)- and I was close to her and her (first) husband before they were married.  I have obviously known him since they started dating, and went through a lot of ups and downs with them.  After high school, we still stayed in touch, but it was on off- not because we didn’t like each other or had any issues- but mostly because our lives were just taking us in different directions.  When the time came for her wedding, I was not asked to be a bridesmaid.  There was a small part of me that was bummed, but realistically, we were in one of those phases that had us communiting less than more often.  She had the girls she was more current with at the time (none of whom she speaks with now :/) I was invited to her out of town bachelorette getaway, but wasn’t able to make it due to my new job at the time.

Now that I am getting married, I have asked her to be a bridesmaid.  We are both at totally different phases of our lives now.  To me, it would just seem funny after all this time if I didn’t ask her to be in my wedding- almost like I was doing it out of spite.

 

 

So I know how it feels to NOT be asked- even when the roles are reversed….and it’s not a wonderful feeling, but don’t dwell on it.  Being a bridemaid can be super awesome, but it can also be a pain in the butt!!

Post # 13
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well you had 6 BMs an it sounds like she is only having four. Probably if she was having more BMs, you surely would have been asked. It sucks, but really it is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

 

Post # 14
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

honestly dont take this personally. she probably only wanted a smaller wedding party so she couldn’t fit you in. 

Post # 15
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@RedRose1979:  Not the exact situation, but I know how you feel. FIs best friend started dating his girlfriend about 2 years ago. We’ve become really good friends in that time. They got engaged last year, FI is the best man. I thought I’d be asked to be a BM. I went dress shopping with her, was there when she picked out her dress. I’m making her veil. I helped put together her bouquet. I went BM dress shopping with them. I’ve helped her with pretty much every part of her wedding planning. I was kinda sad to not be asked. I didn’t say anything, but she told me upfront that because it was such an intimate affair that she didn’t want a huge wedding party. All of her bridesmaids she’s known much longer than myself and I understand that. In fact, I’m in the same boat. I’d love to have her, but there simply isn’t room with my best friends since childhood and FIs and my sisters.

Post # 16
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@RedRose1979:  She only had 4 BMs. Two were her sisters. That’s only room for 2 friends. She might have been limited to 4 BMs because her fiance only had 4 guys he wants, or simply because she thinks any more than 4 is too many. The bottom line is, no one is obliged to ask everyone who they were a bridesmaid for.

I’ve been not asked back too, and it hurts, but what can you do? In the end, you asked her because you wanted her there (I hope), not so that she will ask you. So all you can do is accept it and attend the wedding as a guest.

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