Post # 1
i need some bee wisdom to shine on me…
i have a very good friend from college and it has always been assumed that we would be in each others weddings, perhaps we have drunkenly even talked about this yrs ago, but my fi and i have decided to have 3 people stand up each at our 115 guest wedding. i have selected my two close cousins, and sister in law.
my friend who i had always thought i would ask has a past of being unreliable, not feeling well, forgetful, etc. and at first i was totally cool with my decision. now, i am second guessing myself. i would like to include her in some way and am leaning toward approaching her to do a reading. the only problem with this is that my other reader is another cousin and i am planning to include her in the bridal pedicure party before the rehearsal and in the getting ready day-of festivities. i feel like my friend would be hurt if i asked her to partake in these events (not as a bridesmaid) and she’ll feel slighted…
it’s hard to make everyone happy (clearly) but i do want to acknowledge our friendship still! what do you lovely bees make of all this??
Post # 3
Why wouldn’t you ask your friend if she just wants to come along to the pedicure party? she’ll kmnow she’s a reader and if she flakes out, oh well! But if she’s still a good friend of yours, I can’t imaigne not wanting her there
Post # 4
I think the fact that you have family only as your bridesmaids really helps you out in the situation. I would just explain to her that since you are having a small wedding, you wanted to keep the bridal party small and you have chosen to go the family-only route. I think if you explain this to her, she wouldn’t mind joining you guys for the pedicures and stuff. If I was her, I would understand and not feel slighted.
Post # 5
One, you shouldn’t feel guilty about the people you’ve chosen to stand up with you. Just tell her that you’re keeping it to family only, and you’re having a small wedding party. Just say it was a decision you and your FI made together.
Maybe you can ask her to make a toast at the reception? I would think that would be more meaningful than having her do a reading or something else just to give her a job.
Post # 6
I agree that the fact that you’re just having family is a completely legit excuse for not having her. She should be happy that she’ll be involved in the pedi party (the most fun part of being a BM, IMO). Is she usually dramatic about stuff or is she generally a chill person? You may just think she’ll be upset when she may actually not be, especially given your family-only bridal party. If you want her to do a reading, then ask her, but don’t just do it just to have her doing something.
Post # 7
thanks for the posts. i would love to include her in the day so hopefully she will understand. i think that she will understand, i mean she is one of my closest friends, but i just want her to feel special- not that she’s being slighted by being asked to do a reading and that she should really be standing up with me. she will understand that i am only having family, it just makes me uncomfortable to think she could take it the wrong way.
Post # 8
I agree with the others. You don’t have to feel obligated to ask someone to be in your wedding. Ask the people you know will be there for you on your big day. I’ve been in 10 weddings now as a BM and there always seems to be that one girl who doesn’t show up or complains or whatever the case maybe that the bride regretted asking from day one. So save yourself the much harder more complicated heartache by handling it now instead of later.
Post # 9
I, too, agree that the fact that you’re having an all family bridal party is a good excuse for not having her be a bridesmaid. I think having her be a reader is a great idea and you should invite her to the pre wedding pedi’s and the day of festivities. I think miss chapstick made a good point and maybe you should also have her give a toast or something.
Post # 10
i am so relieved that other brides get where i am coming from on this! i should be seeing her within the next few wks and will ask her to do the reading. my fiance and i have a million people we would like to include with jobs, but there are only so many things to be done, you know? i hope she will be excited, but i’ll come back to this post and re-read the encouragement before asking:)
wedding bee rocks!