Post # 1
For many reasons, I do not give cash gifts for their weddings. This includes contributions to honeyfund or honeymoon excursions and gift certificates. The idea of doing it makes me uncomfortable and I’m offended by it as well. Normally, this hasn’t been a problem; every wedding I’ve been to has had a registry, even if honeyfund or whatever is also an option. Well, it happened. I’ve finally been invited to a wedding for which there is no registry. Nothing listed on website or invite or STD and when I called the bride’s mother and her response was, “They’d really appreciate cash.”
This is a wedding I am not planning on attending, but even so, I normally send a gift anyway. However, the idea of cutting a check and putting in the mail REALLY bothers me. Since I’m not attending, can I get away with just sending a pretty card with a nice handwritten note?
(Frankly, I’m tempted to be THAT guest and get them like, a crystal paperweight or vase or something and call it a day)
Post # 3
If I don’t give a gift, I usually just give cash so that they can buy themselves something that they want or save it for the future.
Post # 4
What about a gift card? I usually do a combo small gift and cash for weddings and a gift for the shower. I had one friend who didn’t register in hopes that she would get cash, which I wouldn’t do in this situation, so I got her a gift card to a home improvement store instead.
Post # 5
I second the gift card. If you don’t want to blank point give cash, a gift card is a nice compromise. It also will give them essentially the same thing. Maybe one to Macy’s or something where they can get a wide variety of things would seem safe.
Post # 6
I dont give gifts, most people I know rather have ‘cash’. Asian culture – it’s understood you give cash.
I have noticed during the past 3 years (due to the down economy), my non-Asian friends in the Bay Area started having no registries and started requesting ‘cash contribution since it’s more practical.
The suggetsions above is a good idea – give gift cards to like Target, Macys, somewhere practical. It’s close enuf to cash to help out daily needs.
Post # 7
I’d go with a gift card if you’re comfortable with that.
If you really feel you’d rather give a gift, go ahead. Just be aware that most stores have a decent return policy, so your effort may be in vain, with the end result being they end up with cash…
Or, don’t send anything. There’s no obligation for any guest to give a gift, and definitely none if you’re not even attending.
Post # 8
Call me old fashioned (about this, anyway, ha), but I hate the idea of being asked to give cash. I’m a grad student, I don’t have much money to spare, I’d much much much rather get a nice little something off the registry or something personal and special. It’s different (in my mind) when it’s an older generation giving cash to a younger generation; then it’s more like they’re helping you build your future. But if it’s just me giving my friend a $50 – where’s the meaning in that?!
By the way, not everyone who doesn’t register is looking for cash. We’re not registering (long story), but we absolutely 100% do not expect or feel entitled to gifts or cash, which we will make plain on the website. (That doesn’t apply here, obv, but just a public service announcement. 🙂 It makes me sad that people these days have reason to assume that if you don’t register it’s because you want money.
Post # 9
I also don’t like being asked to give cash, so I see where you are coming from. Do you know the couple well enough to get them a personal gift they would llike? What about something like a personalized address stamp (Idea stolen from a blog today!). If you don’t know them well, I would buy them something that you consider a great wedding gift, but send the gift receipt so that they can exchange it (which they’ll likely do, and take the cash…but at least you fought the good fight).
Post # 10
i think a gift is a gift, if you want to give something its up to you. like the lady said they PREFER cash.
you dont HAVE to give cash.
however i as a bride that prefers cash, i would rather just get a nice card than some random vase or picture or something. (i have stacks of stuff in storage of things i will never use and have no idea what to do with because people didnt want to use the registry or just send cash/giftcard) i mean thank you for the thoughtful gift, but its completely a waste of money if its something i cant use.
so my suggestion is to either give $$ as requested, or just a nice card. unless you dont mind your gift collecting dust or getting regifted/donated if they cant use it.
Post # 11
@spaganya: That’s what I figured–that whatever I gave would be sort of collecting dust. Although I am kind of liking the idea of giving a board game…
I don’t know the couple THAT well–they’re more like good acquaintances (and in another state, which is why I’m not going). So I’ll probably end up just sending them a card with well-wishes.
Post # 12
I would send a card with a check, or just a card. Don’t waste your money on a dust collector. Although I do like gift cards, I think checks are the safest to send in the mail. If it’s not cashed, then you can call them and ask if they received it. If it’s cashed but the couple doesn’t send a thank you, you can always see if it was them who cashed it or if it was stolen in the mail. If it was stolen it can be reported to your bank.
If you really do feel that awkward sending cash/money, I would just send a card. Don’t feel pressured to give a gift!