(Closed) Not begging anyone to be a bridesmaid…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What would you do about the non responsive BM?
    Ask her one more time? : (9 votes)
    24 %
    Move on with another person ASAP : (29 votes)
    76 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I don’t think  you should have to ask more then once, because if she wanted to do it she would have said yes the first time.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5481 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I didn’t vote in your poll because I don’t think it’s necessary to chase her down for an answer, but I wouldn’t “replace” her either.  Just let it go & move on, but don’t try to find someone else for the sake of even sides.  These are your friends, not props for wedding pictures!

    Post # 5
    Member
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    If you’re asking her to be a BM I assume you are close friends? If I had a friend decline I’d want to know why. I don’t think it’s begging, I’d just be concerned for my friend.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    I would drop it. But I also wouldn’t ask another person to be a bridesmaid, just because she said no. Having 12 bridesmaids is a LOT.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6018 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I didn’t vote either, because I wouldn’t ask her again, nor would I replace her.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1314 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

     

    @jna300:  Honestly, I wouldn’t push it. You are already having a big wedding party, and that almost always leads to trouble. I am not being negative;I am just being honest. The more women you have in your party, the more likelihood for drama. This friend is already giving you a peek at possible drama. She sounds like she is not comfortable in her own skin. Picking out dresses may be your first nightmare, and then it may get worse from there. She is already telling you what kind of BM she will be. Believe her! Now, if she comes to you an explains her insecurities, then you can take it from there. Otherwise, I would just leave it.

    Good luck, and enjoy your planning bride-to-be!

    Just added: Please don’t add anyone else! You are already going to have drama with the 11. Do not do this to yourself.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1562 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I would let it go longer.  Yes, you just got engaged (assumption), and its great that you have so many enthusiastic friends, but maybe she just needs a little while to decide.  Maybe she’s having money problems or something else is wrong right now.  Let it lay to the side right now, and focus on being her friend.  She has plenty of time to decide!

    Post # 11
    Member
    1710 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    I voted to replace her, but that isn’t my true opinion.  I would let it go.  If she were a very close friend (or even if not, but I don’t know why you would want to have girls stand up with you that weren’t close), she should have at least congratulated you.  She sounds like the type to be bitter over other people’s happiness.  In my opinion, 12 BMs is quite a lot…I personally just wouldn’t want to deal with that many girls’ attitudes, lol.  Send her an invite to the wedding, but just leave the whole BM thing alone…

    Post # 12
    Member
    6750 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    12 girls?!?!?!? 

    Don’t chase her down.  Don’t replace her.  She doesn’t want to say no, but she basically did.  Don’t say anything, just move on.  And bridesmaids shouldn’t be “replaceable” especially not when you asked TWELVE girls. 

    Sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh, but 12 is ridiculously large.  You do realize you’re going to have to get them all gifts???

    Post # 13
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Can’t vote.

    I wouldn’t ask her at all. 12 bridesmaids is too many!! As someone who’s been a bride, it’s difficult having bridesmaids. If she already doesn’t want to be a bm don’t make her.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Oh, I totally understand more after reading your last post.

    I have a friend like that. We used to be very very close. But then I moved across the country, she’s no the best at keeping up with friends so, now we are very distant friends. We rarely talk these days but sometimes when we do, it’s like 2008 all over again.

    Now, I immediately knew that although it will probably cause a shit storm of dramatics, I will not be asking her to be in my wedding. It’s my bridal party, it’s my turn to be selfish, and pick some gals that have been supportive throughout my life.

    Perhaps she feels the distance too and feels uncomfortable with it? If the friend I mentioned asked me to be in her wedding, I would be uncomfortable- I’d still give her an anwer, but still.

    Wishing you luck!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1019 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If your wedding date is accurate I’d say give her a bit more time since you’re still a year out, then maybe ask her to coffee and just “check in” maybe if you mention something wedding related she’ll bring it up on her own.. she may just have stuff going on…

    Post # 16
    Member
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I would cry when I realized I had 10+ bridesmaids!

    I’d ask her again, but in a friendly way, like when you’re hanging out/talking on the phone/emailing about other things. I wouldn’t make the contact only about that. And I’d give her an easy way to decline.

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