Post # 1
When I was 17 my first BF of 1 year dumped me and I was so heartbroken!! I then had a four year relationship with a guy who didn’t want to get married (good that we didn’t, as he wasn’t very ambitious)! I was then single for 4 years and having fun travelling. For years after I was very distant in relationships and told by BFs that I was “a hard nut to crack”. I was a commitment phobic for a while! I recently ended my engagement to a man who I was with for 6 years and although he seemed invested in the relationship he never really seemed invested in getting married. He would talk as in “we” rather than “I” but said he was worried about giving me the life I deserved financially (he earnt good money but we both had expensive investments). Personally, I think his worries about money were just a ploy to put off marrying me because he would often avoid talking about a wedding.
I have never felt completely 100% right about marrying any man and I feel so sad about this, as I am 34 years old! Do you think my history of past relationships make me doubt if my partners love me enough to get married? Or am I being controlling so that I won’t get hurt? Or have I just not met the ‘right man’ yet? I worry I have let a good man go with my last relationship. I now feel super sensitive to anything a man does or doesn’t do. People around me seem so sure of what they are doing and so decisive!
Post # 3
you just haven’t met the right man yet. i felt hurt by a lot of men in the passed. and i knew when the right one came.
Post # 4
I agree with pp, you will know when you know. I was with someone 3 years, got engaged, broke up before (thank goodness!!), dated around, slept around, etc….
And then I met my FI. Ironically I was dating someone else at the time, and as corny as it sounds, when I saw him for the first time, time stopped. I’m actually fairly certain I stopped breathing for a second. Or maybe longer. And I knew he was going to be important to me but I didn’t know how at the time. And here we are.
Granted, this probably doesn’t happen to most people and it may be a concidence in my case, but at some point all of the pieces fall together and you can just SEE it. Even though I was previously engaged and thought I was happy, I could never see us together…even when I tried to convince myself I could. I knew deep down it was wrong.
Besides, who says you have to get married or get married within XYZ time? Shit, my grandmother got remarried (she was a widow, but her previous husband was an ass anyway) when she was like 64.
You’ll get there. 😉 Who cares what everyone else is doing?
Post # 5
@esplanfreedom: I never thought I was going to get married and didn’t believe in soulmates, until I met my husband. Every relationship I had before, I would always like the person, but was never really totally in love. The way I described it was that I loved that person as much as I could love anyone. Then I met my husband and I knew within a week of dating that if I was ever going to marry anyone, it was going to be him. Like other bees said, you just haven’t met the one for you yet, but I’m sure he’s out there and he’s probably looking for you too.
Post # 6
I honestly got to a point where I never thought I would (or really wanted to) get married and then poof (lol) Fi showed up in my life again – we’d been aquaintances from a few years back when he reappeared and we were talking marriage within the first few months! So you just haven’t met the right person yet. 🙂
Post # 7
I think that you haven’t met the right man. I am sure I want to marry my SO, but I won’t lie… I am horrible at making big decisions, my parents are divorced, and my SO is divorced… sometimes I am a bit scared to take that next step. I am not sure I believe in soulmates or “The One”, but I think that if you’re in a good relationship with trust and respect, and you get very sad imagining your life without that person, then he’s definitely a keeper. Things aren’t always going to be perfect… you’re not always going to have that “honeymoon” feeling, but I think you just know if it’s right or not. I am the most anxious worry-wart there is, and even I can say that with some degree of certainty lol.
Post # 8
@ajillity81: +1. This was exactly the case for me too.
Post # 9
You haven’t met the right man yet, don’t worry 🙂 It’s a good thing that you are looking out for yourself and putting your needs first. Marriage isn’t a race and I’m sure you’ve avoided some very messy situations by not getting married prematurely. Don’t frame it as your exes not loving you enough — think of them as enriching your life and helping you grow. When it’s right, you’ll know.
Post # 10
I would also add that the more you learn, the more you realize what you don’t want and what you do want, which will be beneficial to you when it comes time for you to decide you DO want THIS guy and to get married, etc. If that makes sense?