Not Being the Super Involved Bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ugh. I`m so sorry you have to go through this. I honestly would recommend you consider getting out of the bridal party. It doesn’t sound like the bride is sympathetic nor does it seem like the other girls will help. You have to do what’s right for you personally and financially. Also, as a bride to be, I think these amounts sound ridiculous and I would be ashamed to ask my bridesmaids to pay them. 

Post # 3
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

hannierose:  $500 each for the shower??? $3000 each for the bachelorette??? That is crazy.

I would send an email to the bride, copied to the rest of the bridal party and tell them I am working on the weekends and am sorry but unable to attend craft sessions.

I would send my regrets for the bachelorette.

I would be tempted to also decliine the shower, but if you really want to go, I would send a separate email to the BM’s telling them exactly what amount you will be contributing. I would also tell them if they cannot manage with that, then I would be forced to decline to attend the shower.

If the bride asks you to step down, so be it. It will say more about her and her merry band of women than it will ever say about you.

Post # 4
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

The bride is insane.

 

I would probably drop out of the wedding if the bride were such an insane rude person, but that’s totally up to you, of course.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

hannierose:  would you consider leaving the bridal party? Sounds like they weren’t that considerate of your situation, and that’s a lot of money being thrown around 

Post # 9
Member
636 posts
Busy bee

I would drop out of the bridal party before I spend that kind of money. :/ $5k? Even 1k would be pushing it.

Post # 10
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Wow just wow. Kudos to you for keeping your cool. I’m in your camp- just get through this the best you can and hopefully your friendship will come out alright, although the bride has done some damaging things. 

Post # 11
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Why do you want to be friends with someone who believes they “deserve” that kind of treatment, no matter what kind of burden it places on people she purportedly cares about? Is there anything to it other than “I’ve known her for a long time”?

 

That’s the $64k question for you to ponder.

Post # 12
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Almost $5000 to be in her wedding? That is nuts, I would decline both events. Say you would like to still be a part of the bridal party but you aren’t willing to shell out that much money. You shouldn’t have to pay such a high price to be part of someone’s wedding. If the bride wants such a lavish bachelorette she should pay for it.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Jacqui90.
Post # 13
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

hannierose: in that case I would follow julies1949:  suggestion. Keep declining and hold on as long as you need it. If she ask you to step down, then you know where your friendship with her stands.

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