Not "believing in marriage"

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

freshflowers:  I’m not sure you are going to find too much of this point of view on a wedding planning website.

Post # 3
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Columbia, SC

freshflowers:  I would not say I dont believe in marriage, but I do think that you can consider yourself married without having the piece of paper. Otherwise marriages before there was record keeping are invalid. 

However, I am very ready to get the piece of paper and make it public record!

Post # 4
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

freshflowers:  This is just my personal experience and is not meant to offend anyone but…

The only women I’ve met that have said they don’t believe in marriage, are in a relationship with a man who doesn’t want to get married. Again, in my experience, those men just don’t want to marry those women but are content with the status quo as it were. I’ve seen those men go on and marry other women. And those women go on and marry other men.

There are definitely people who don’t see the need to get married, and that’s great for them! To each their own. It just bugs me when people say that when they don’t really mean it (aka trying to convince themselves that they’re happy with not progressing to marriage with their current partner).

Post # 5
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Signing a piece of paper to get benefits when you don’t believe in the institution of marriage would be wrong don’t you think and going against your principles? Obviously someone who won’t sign a piece of paper to take advantage of benefits has strong convictions and I applaude them. So many people do just sign the paper to gain benefits.

There are a lot of reasons why someone might not believe in the institution of marriage. Some people believe that marriage is still a patriarchial form of oppression for women. Other people just feel that they don’t need a piece of paper to justify their relationship.

Who cares? If they are happy why do we need to disect it? live and let live.

Post # 6
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I don’t really buy into the whole idea of marriage and I don’t think our lives will be any different after we’re married – we already live together in a home we bought together. We already planned to be in it for the long haul even before he proposed, hence the house. I have great insurance and most likely will not benefit from filling taxes jointly. It’s really effort vs reward and i don’t see any benefits to it. My FI, however, does believe in marriage. I love him more than I thought I could love anyone and want to spend the rest of my life with him. So if he wants a piece of paper and a really expensive party, I’m putting it all together 🙂

Post # 7
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m getting married in October, and I don’t believe in marriage, for the most part. Neither does my SO.

It’s really hard to explain, but I’ll try the best I can!

Basically, I believe that marriage isn’t what it used to be. You know, back in the day when our grandparents got married, it was all about until death do us part. And they stuck with it. There was no breaking up a year, five years, or 10 years into the marriage. If you have an issue, you worked it out – simply because that’s all there was to do. Divorce wasn’t a thing. It wasn’t so easy to walk away. And that’s the problem I have with marriage now. So many people choose to walk away instead of working it out.

When my SO proposed he said this, “I know that you don’t believe in marriage. Neither do I. But I believe in us”. And that means more to me than any piece of paper could ever mean.

So why get married at all? Simply because we plan to have children, or adopt, and that will certainly help. Also, my mother and his mother would [and will love] to see their children get married and “do it right”.

Post # 8
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t necessarily believe in marriage either.. I believe in my relationship and my FI believes in marriage. So why are we getting married? Because I love my FI and I think its kind of romantic that he wants me to be his wife simply because he wants me to be his wife.. Not because he thinks we have to take that step, or because I’ll walk away if he doesn’t propose.

 

 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

jenilynevette:  You don’t have a problem with marriage, you have a problem with people! I also think people today give up way too easily.

What a lovely thing for your SO to say. Hope your wedding will be beautiful.

Post # 10
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

LaPetiote:  Yes, in a way. But people don’t change. Marriage is never going to be how it was before.

Post # 11
Member
851 posts
Busy bee

I have very mixed feelings about marriage. If my FI didn’t really want to get married I would be more than happy to never indulge in it. For me I just don’t see the point. Why make a huge public spectacle out of something as private as a relationship with another person? It just seems weird. 

My biggest concern is people that we date after we’re married. I don’t want our partners to feel like their relationship with one or both of us will never be as “real” as our relationship with each other just because we signed a paper.

My FI is open to the idea of having children with another woman a few years down the road, and I worry about them being illegitimate, and the two of them not having rights together. But I suppose we’ll cross that bridge if or when we come to it.

Post # 12
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

SilverWire:  Are you getting married but will then have an open marriage afterwards?

Post # 13
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

SilverWire:  I’m not being judgy here, I’m just genuinely curious, why does he want to get married? It sounds like the two of you plan on ongoing relationships with other people in addition to your own. That’s kind of anathema to the practice marriage.

Post # 14
Member
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

freshflowers:  I’ve been divorced and yet I still believe in the ol’ institution. It does seem to be taken more lightly these days than the “old days”, but back then I don’t think people necessarily worked it out. They just stayed in bad marriages a lot due to social or religious reasons.

Post # 15
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

 

KC-2722:  

tinkks:  

I’m the same way, ladies! I don’t see the point of getting married unless it’s for religious or you’re financially strained, which my FI nor I are either one. I was committed to my FI and was planning to stay that way before we even got engaged. However, my FI believes in marriage more so than I do, so I’m taking the plunge 🙂

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