Post # 1
While I am not pregnant, I am really dreading pregnancy and our child’s first year or so. I enjoy kids, but from age 2 and up. My niece is the spitting image of me, and I only started enjoying her around 18 months (although now that she is two, I really enjoy her). I find babies very boring as they can’t talk and seem to have far more negatives than positives. Adoption is not an option for us, as I really want to raise our biological children. (I am not criticizing other’s choices AT ALL, I just couldn’t deal with that.) In a perfect world, our two-year-old would just show up on our doorstep. I understand that isn’t an option.
I worry that this means that either I am not cut out to be a mom, or will be miserable from conception until our child is two. Has anyone else felt this way? Any ideas to improve things? I would love to hear from people who felt this way before kids, and how they felt once they had kids.
Post # 3
@guitargirl: So I’m pregnant right now and I completely understand. I love kids and have worked with kids from 2-to teens and am nervous about the baby stage. I always joke that I’m much more comfortable with babies when they can support their own head. lol I also had a really rough first trimester and have only recently started feeling more like me (I’m almost 18 weeks). I was definitely feeling like I was a bad mom in the beginning because I didn’t like being pregnant. I liked that I was having a baby, but the pregnancy part at the beginning was…not great.
I don’t think it means anything, other than I’m not super comfortable around small babies and I might be one of those women who dislikes being pregnant, although it’s starting to grow on me. I think that my comfort level about babies will change once I hold my baby, as I’ve noticed that it’s gotten better as I’ve grown older- I’m more realaxed.
My sister recently (as in Feb) had a baby and she has grown and changed SO much in the past couple of months. Obivously she’s not talking, but she’s definitely expressing herself and is interested in what is going on around her. My plan includes finding out what fun stuff/discovery things go on at each stage of development. I also want to give my self a break for feeling bored or frustrated in the beginning (we’re not talking PPD).
I expressed my concerns to my mom and she told me that she felt the same way before I was born (I’m the eldest). She hadn’t really been around a baby and was worried that she’d be bored or that she wouldn’t know what to do. She was a great mom and was really interactive with us all through our childhood. She said that it just happened naturally.
Honestly, I think that it’s sounds like you have normal fears and concerns…and that’s well…normal. But, as I said, I get why you’re nervous about it. I am too.
Post # 4
I’m not a parent or TTC, but I’ll bump and give my two cents. From what I hear, your baby growing up happens so fast. I’m sure it’ll feel like you blink and you have a 2 year old. And once you see your OWN baby, I’m sure you’ll love it before it’s 2. I don’t really have any interest in anyone else’s baby other than “aww cute,” but I KNOW I will love all over my own baby one day.
Post # 5
Hey, you’re further along than I am. I don’t like kids (babies included) at all. In a perfect world, I’d give birth to a teenager who can cart themselves around and make their own decisions but I know that’s not going to happen. I still want to have a baby, though. The way I see it… I don’t have to like other peoples kids in order to love my own. I know that MY baby will be the worlds greatest because it’s mine. We’ve all heard people say “it’s different when it’s yours” and I really do believe that.
Post # 6
I never liked children under the age of….18ish? And I was very nervous when I was pregnant. Now I love babies and kids. All the negatives don’t seem as negative when you have them.
Also my son is two now…and believe me enjoy the baby time.
Post # 7
I wasn’t huge on the baby stage, but the time really flies. Now DS is a mouthy 3 yr old who finds loop holes in EVERYTHING I say, and runs circles around me 24/7, and I’m wishing he was a quiet baby again. Go figure…
But I don’t honestly think that anyone loves losing ownership of your body, losing all your sleep, losing intimacy with your partner, and constantly being covered in someone else’s bodily fluids. It comes with the territory and we all make it out the other end alive, hopefully with most of our sanity in tact 🙂
Post # 8
I have 2 children already, and I do not like babies until they are about 6 months old. I hate the first few months. But it does go by really quickly. I sympathize totally- if they could have a 6 month old show up on my doorstep- I would take it!
Post # 9
I say this all the time! I want to have a baby, and send it on vacation from the time it’s 5-14 lmao. I’m just kidding of course but i’ve heard from everyone that you can hate everyone elses kids, but the second you meet yours, you will love it.
Post # 10
I believe that you will fall in love with your baby and all of these concerns will disappear. Not to say there won’t be tough times or days you wish you could go back to pre-baby days…but it sounds like you want children and have a desire to raise them….so I’m sure it will work out.
Post # 11
I think you’ll still be a great mom! My mother wasn’t much interested in infants, either, according to my grandmother. But, my Mom was a wonderful, caring, loving, kind and, in my eyes, perfect Mom. So I don’t think it matters if you’re not that crazy about the baby stage. They grow out of it very quickly anyway. Since you will be taking care of your baby, you’ll probably come to love the” baby stage” in retrospect more than you’ll ever be able to imagine.
Post # 12
It’s amazing how quickly you fall in love with a child before you have even met him or her. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. A lot of people will say they prefer kids of a certain age, but I am a believer that when you hold that little miracle that you have been carrying and caring for, for the last 40 weeks you can’t help but fall in love.
Post # 13
This is a great post. It’s something I’ve thought about many times throughout my life. Like PPs mentioned, I don’t like kids much. I don’t dislike them but I can take them or leave them. I often find myself losing patience around kids. I don’t act on it but I think “get me outta here!” So of course I’ve wondered to myself if I have the chops to be a mom. I worry about not being patient enough or losing my identity as a woman. I don’t know, it’s difficult to explain. At any rate, thanks for your honesty bees. It’s refreshing and enlightening.
Post # 14
@NJmeetsBX: I used to feel the same way. I still feel that way about other people’s kids sometimes! But it is true that you feel completely differently when it’s your own child.
Post # 15
I am so relieved someone else feels like this! I thought I was the only one! I feel the exact same way. I’m not TTC or even close, but I know it is in our future. It’s already difficult for me to work full time, keep up with housework, and still have the energy to be a good spouse and be social. I guess right now I’m just not looking forward to having babies and I’m really hoping that changes.
Post # 16
Babies grow so fast in the first 2 years of life. The year of life can be hard (said as a mother of a 8 month old as of tomorrow boy). With them having to depend solely on you. But it is has its rewards, the first time they smile at you or first time you hear them laugh. It gets right to your heart.