Post # 1
My entire life, I’ve been dead set on not changing my name when I get married. I’ve always wanted to do this for several reasons:
1) Just because I’m a woman, why does that mean I need to give up the name I have grown so attached to my whole life?
2) I really LOVE my last name.
3) My degrees are in my current (maiden) last name.
However, I’ve been thinking a lot about having kids and what me not changing my last name will mean to them. I know it won’t really make a huge difference–the worst that will happen is people will assume their parents are divorced because we have different last names. I personally don’t care about this assumption about me, but will this be a pain for my future kids?
I have a degree in Feminist Studies and am a very open, informed, and proud feminist, so I’m all for women making their own decisions around name changing. I’m just wondering specifically if anyone either had a mom whose surname was different than theirs, or is a woman who has chosen to not change their name, has this caused annoying issues?
(For what it’s worth, my FI and I have talked a lot about name possibilities. He’s open to a lot of things, but we both hate hypenation of kids’ names and want all of our kids to have the same last name. For ease and social convention, we decided on his last name EDIT: with my last name as their middle name).
Post # 3
I know a lot of women who have kept their last name. Sure at first some people might be like “Why is Sally Brown’s mom’s name Ms Peterson?” but it’s not a “problem.” But I would expect to have to explain it at least a few times. My friend’s mother kept her maiden name, no one thought anything of it. And my favorite professor from college kept her last name, again, her son had no problems.
I’m keeping my last name as well. Mostly because my current BF’s last name isn’t even his. His mother was married to her second husband when she cheated on him, (that’s where the BF comes from,) and she decided to give him her second husband’s last name. I have no fcking clue what was going through her mind.
BUT ANYWAY, I’m a feminist too, and definitely don’t see a problem in keeping your maiden name. 🙂
Post # 4
I kept my last name, and I’m glad I did. I have many reasons for keeping my last name.
We aren’t having kids so this isn’t an issue with me but even if we were, I wouldn’t care what people thought.
Post # 5
My mom kept her maiden name when she married my dad. I’m not 100% sure on her reasoning, but I think it just mainly has to do with her hating his family lol. I do remember it was a bit weird growing up and telling people (because they would see or ask) that my mom’s last name was different than mine. We had a tiny problem when traveling overseas once when we were younger, but I don’t think that was 100% a name thing.
I changed my name and am glad I did, but at the same time I’m sad and miss my maiden name if that makes any sense? I think if you don’t change your name and have children, the compromise of your children having your maiden name as their middle is great! If we were going to have any children, that’s what we would have done. Whatever you decide on doing I’m sure will work out for the best 🙂
Post # 6
One of my cousins kept her maiden name and has two kids. I was a nanny for 2 different families where the mom kept her maiden name. I didn’t notice any adverse effects on the kids. More people are keeping their maiden names or have different family dynamics than the traditional, so I don’t think many people bat an eye at different last names anymore.
Post # 7
Thanks bees! Seriously, I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I’ve been seriously 100% on my decision for years, but for some reason I’ve been questioning it for the past week. I should really not care what others think… But sometimes I let them get under my skin!
Still interested in hearing others’ perspectives! 🙂
Post # 8
I havent changed my name yet- I own my own company/ entertainer, so I didnt want to go through the hassle for business reasons. Someday I will get around to it, but I’m in no hurry….but hey, I changed it on my personal Facebook page , that means its official right? 😉 lol
Post # 9
@Ms.GoodEarth: I’m also a bit of a feminist, so my opinion doesn’t represent much of a divergence from what you’re probably already thinking….but I think it’s a silly tradition that dates back to a time when women were property. The husband would negotiate a nice “deal” with the father and then change the last name to complete the “sale.” However, with that said, gestures and symbols don’t have meaning beyond what you give them. If it would be meaningful for you to take your FI’s last name, and you believe it would enrich your relationship (or prevent sufficient practical problems!) in some way, do it. However, even though it’s not exactly common for a woman to keep her last name, I believe it very NORMAL and reasonable.
Post # 10
Definitely not selfish.
FI is considering changing his last name to mine, so our family can go by my last name, but he’s not sure about it. I think he has vallid reasons why he might not want to. I really would prefer it, personally, but if he decides not to, I won’t consider him to have been selfish, either. It’s his name and his choice.
Post # 11
Everyone in my family kept their last name, most people at my office kept their last name…nothing outrageous about it! Or so I thought. When I told my friends, they all thought I was a a freak. LOL!!! I didn’t see why they cared or why they felt the need to tell me their unwanted opinion on it. At the end of the day, it’s a personal decision that should only concern you and your spouse. Everyone else can suck it.
Post # 12
I havent changed my name yet- I own my own company/ entertainer,
Post # 14
If you can’t be selfish about your own name, what CAN you be selfish about? 😉
No, seriously though. It’s no big deal as far as kids go. My husband’s mom kept her last name, which made it easy when I decided to keep mine. He and his sister are perfectly normal, well-adjusted people! And I’ve adopted their way of return addressing things — HerName/HisName.
Post # 15
i dont think it matters, asian like chinese dont change their name after married, having different surname doesnt mean you are divorced.
Post # 16
@Ms.GoodEarth: how about you both change your name so your kids can have both names?