(Closed) Not changing name… Selfish?

posted 5 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

I know a lot of women who have kept their last name. Sure at first some people might be like “Why is Sally Brown’s mom’s name Ms Peterson?” but it’s not a “problem.” But I would expect to have to explain it at least a few times. My friend’s mother kept her maiden name, no one thought anything of it. And my favorite professor from college kept her last name, again, her son had no problems.

I’m keeping my last name as well. Mostly because my current BF’s last name isn’t even his. His mother was married to her second husband when she cheated on him, (that’s where the BF comes from,) and she decided to give him her second husband’s last name. I have no fcking clue what was going through her mind.

BUT ANYWAY, I’m a feminist too, and definitely don’t see a problem in keeping your maiden name. πŸ™‚ 

Post # 4
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I kept my last name, and I’m glad I did.  I have many reasons for keeping my last name.

We aren’t having kids so this isn’t an issue with me but even if we were, I wouldn’t care what people thought.

 

Post # 5
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My mom kept her maiden name when she married my dad.  I’m not 100% sure on her reasoning, but I think it just mainly has to do with her hating his family lol.  I do remember it was a bit weird growing up and telling people (because they would see or ask) that my mom’s last name was different than mine.  We had a tiny problem when traveling overseas once when we were younger, but I don’t think that was 100% a name thing.  

I changed my name and am glad I did, but at the same time I’m sad and miss my maiden name if that makes any sense?  I think if you don’t change your name and have children, the compromise of your children having your maiden name as their middle is great!  If we were going to have any children, that’s what we would have done.  Whatever you decide on doing I’m sure will work out for the best πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

One of my cousins kept her maiden name and has two kids. I was a nanny for 2 different families where the mom kept her maiden name. I didn’t notice any adverse effects on the kids. More people are keeping their maiden names or have different family dynamics than the traditional, so I don’t think many people bat an eye at different last names anymore.

Post # 8
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I havent changed my name yet- I own my own company/ entertainer, so I didnt want to go through the hassle for business reasons. Someday I will get around to it, but I’m in no hurry….but hey, I changed it on my personal Facebook page , that means its official right? πŸ˜‰ lol 

Post # 9
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Ms.GoodEarth:  I’m also a bit of a feminist, so my opinion doesn’t represent much of a divergence from what you’re probably already thinking….but I think it’s a silly tradition that dates back to a time when women were property.  The husband would negotiate a nice “deal” with the father and then change the last name to complete the “sale.”  However, with that said, gestures and symbols don’t have meaning beyond what you give them.  If it would be meaningful for you to take your FI’s last name, and you believe it would enrich your relationship (or prevent sufficient practical problems!) in some way, do it.  However, even though it’s not exactly common for a woman to keep her last name, I believe it very NORMAL and reasonable.

Post # 10
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

Definitely not selfish.

FI is considering changing his last name to mine, so our family can go by my last name, but he’s not sure about it. I think he has vallid reasons why he might not want to. I really would prefer it, personally, but if he decides not to, I won’t consider him to have been selfish, either. It’s his name and his choice.

Post # 11
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Everyone in my family kept their last name, most people at my office kept their last name…nothing outrageous about it!  Or so I thought.  When I told my friends, they all thought I was a a freak. LOL!!!   I didn’t see why they cared or why they felt the need to tell me their unwanted opinion on it.  At the end of the day, it’s a personal decision that should only concern you and your spouse.   Everyone else can suck it.    

Post # 12
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I havent changed my name yet- I own my own company/ entertainer,

Post # 14
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you can’t be selfish about your own name, what CAN you be selfish about? πŸ˜‰

No, seriously though. It’s no big deal as far as kids go. My husband’s mom kept her last name, which made it easy when I decided to keep mine. He and his sister are perfectly normal, well-adjusted people! And I’ve adopted their way of return addressing things — HerName/HisName.

Post # 15
Member
327 posts
Helper bee

i dont think it matters, asian like chinese dont change their name after married, having different surname doesnt mean you are divorced. 

Post # 16
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@Ms.GoodEarth:  how about you both change your name so your kids can have both names?

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