Post # 1
Does anyone else here feel like chosing your own ring is NOT romantic? Ive been reading posts about girls being so picky, I want this… this.. and this.. It just sounds so… unexciting. Ok so you go pick out a ring? Then…. what? Wait for him to ask, when you know hes going to at some point?
And also how do you stand there and ask for something sooo expensive?! I mean Im sure not all girls do, but I probably would have felt awful asking for anything over 100 bucks! Even knowing he could afford much more than that.
Maybe im biased since I was completely swept off my feet with the thrill and excitment of having no clue! He also picked out a much better ring than I would have picked for myself!
Post # 3
I feel the same way as you. I respect those who were completely involved in picking out their rings and such but for me, I did not want to be a part of it. Of course we had gone to look at rings in the past so FI knew what I liked but the ring he picked on his own is more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. But to be fair, FI has great taste in jewelry and if he didn’t I probably would have been a little more involved.
Post # 4
I wanted to go, because I knew I did NOT want a white diamond, and what guy is ballsy enough to buy a non-white diamond without permission first? LOL. I didn’t totally pick mine though, we went shopping to a few stores so I could show him what I liked, and the stores put my favorites on file so he could remember.
Post # 5
I don’t see anything wrong with giving your man guidelines. My husband picked out my ring but I suggested to him some things I liked. Like yellow gold over white gold. Things like that. I gave him a few stone shapes and ultimately it was his decision to get a pear shape for my e-ring.
I know my husband doesn’t have the shopping gene in his body so I gave him some suggestions. We went pretend shopping so he could figure out what things I liked and what I didn’t. He was the one who insisted we go ‘pretend’ shopping. It wasn’t any pressure either. We went pretend shopping and he didn’t propose until almost a year later.
I wouldn’t call myself picky or neither would my husband.
ETA: I actually was still completely surprised. Did not see it coming. My husband actually surprised me with two rings. He didn’t know which shape stone I wanted so he got both. He returned the one I didn’t want. Anyway, I was still surprised and swept off my feet like you were.
Post # 6
I agree with you. My proposal was a total suprise, I had no idea. My FI had asked me a couple times a long time before, so I gave him styles I liked, or what colour gold. And he got me a solitare princess cut, and I LOVE it! I honestly would have been happy with a different style or anything really. But the fact that he took the time and effort to go and pick me one out, without me knowing and spent what he thought was good (which was a fair amount, but what he could afford) means a lot to me. His mom told me every time he had time off when I was at work he would ge seaching for the perfect ring (it was like 3 months). He asked my parents without me knowing either. I didnt snoop or show him things I wanted. We talked about getting married one day, but not often. I didnt want to pressure him into it, and he didnt want to pressure me.
Post # 7
I gave my FI guidelines and offered to pay for it if money was an issue (I was pretty sure it wasn’t, but I didn’t want money to be a problem). He picked it out by himself and got me something that was way higher in quality than I had expected/asked for. Which I think was pretty romantic. I would have been fine with him picking it out from scratch if I didn’t have another ring from him from years ago that was opposite in style to what I wanted.
I think its really romantic if the ring ends up being perfect and something you would have chosen for yourself. But if its the opposite of what you like, than it can put a damper on things and be tough to live with.
Post # 8
It wasn’t as romantic, but he did fall in love with the WHITE one…my first oval. We saw 7 diamonds and that one he didn’t buy a setting for like two months. When we ordered the setting, he waited and went around the city setting it and hid it in the box for more weeks. I was like what is the point of hiding it…but it was funny when he’d put his cell phone in his pocket hoping i’d think it was my ring, or taking me out to dinner with no proposal. ah!
but, I’m really pissed that most guys can spend more than $800 on a big screen tv, but don’t want to spend the same on an engagement ring. Your TV should not be more than the ring, That’s my standard!!!
Post # 9
I think every couple is different. For me, my boyfriend actively wants me involved because its my ring and I am the one wearing it. I think for such an investment (both money wise and the commitment) I am happy he is so hell-bent on ensuring I love it and am proud to wear it and have a part in the design. Of course I would happily wear and love anything he picked out and I think thats amazingly romantic to be completely surprised, and adore to hear about couples this happens to. 🙂
Post # 10
I wanted to help pick the ring because my SO is not one with jewellery. I would rather have a ring I love forever than be excited for the one day proposal and have a ring i dont really like. Which is what would happen in my situation lol
Post # 11
I think… to each their own. I grew up with the fairytale idea of a totally surprise engagement with a magical perfect ring. But you know what? When both partners are looking at career aspirations and where those paths can take them, a lot of communication is required. Sometimes timelines need to be set. It may not be romantic, but it was necessary for us.
As for the ring, my DH is very detail-oriented and likes to get things exactly right. I love that about him. That meant he wanted specifics about what I wanted in a ring, and at one point wanted me to pick it out. Eventually he got comfortable enough to pick one out himself, knowing a few things to look for and a few things to completely avoid. I was disappointed for awhile because I felt like you do, that the surprise factor was gone and it wouldn’t be as romantic. But when the proposal came, I wasn’t expecting it, and it was completely, totally romantic. He felt more confident that I’d love the ring (which I do!), and I still got swept off my feet in the moment.
I kindof understand both viewpoints of “total surprise” versus “picking the ring you want” because my situation was in the middle.
Post # 12
@puppiekisses: Some guys only want to spend $200 while some $2000! Whats worse is some lie to there fi’s over how much they spent. My FI definitly spent more then what our tv cost lol
Post # 13
I can’t imagine picking out my own ring either. I thought DH and I would at least look at rings together before he purchased it, but that didn’t happen.
DH still did a great job without my input!
Post # 14
FI was not going to get a ring unless I picked it out, and honestly I appreciated the gesture in letting me pick it. It’s not that I am picky, but I will be wearing this ring for the rest of my life. I would never say anything to FI if he got me a ring I didn’t love, but at least this way everytime I look at it I fall even more in love with it, it’s totally me. Best part was that he was in total agreement, because I wanted him to love it too. When I tried it on we both gave each other the look that it was the one. I don’t think it took the romanticism out of the experience. I chose the ring and he made me wait and wait and wait, so how he chose to give it to me was up to him, and very cute and romantic.
Post # 15
We had my ring designed together because he asked for my input right away. He said he could suprise me, but that he’d rather not for fear of getting it wrong. Yes, it was a little funny to choose it together BEFORE the official proposal I admit, but my FI is not good with the big gestures or surprises (or so I thought). Every time we went on a trip my girlfriends were convinced I’d come back officially engaged, but I said “No, I doubt it, I think I’d know if he were up to something.” and I came back “empty-handed” several times until our trip to Mexico. I was totally surprised (seriously!) when he proposed when we were in Mexico City. He got down on one knee, proposed at a romantic streetside cafe after dinner, and even video taped it on his camera without my even noticing! And because I hadn’t yet seen the actual ring (the ring was hard to visualize, looking at flat, abstract CAD drawings of it) it still had a “wow” factor. The trip and the way he proposed created a good romantic memory for me.
Post # 16
I can understand the OP’s opinion but I think talking about these things openly is part of having a mature relationship. I wouldn’t want to wait around for my FI to decide we were ready to get married – it was a decision we made together as a couple when we were ready. Then I showed him a few pictures of what I liked and he choose the ring himself. The ring is just a symbol of our commitment, it didn’t make it any less special because I helped him out