Not coming home after a fight

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you be okay if your SO didn't come home to sleep after a fight?
    Yes, i totally get that he/she needs some space/time apart : (15 votes)
    5 %
    No, i don't think its alright to just leave for a night or two : (296 votes)
    93 %
    other - please explain : (8 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    For me? Absolutely not under any circumstances ! One time, I actually stayed on the couch after a spat to sleep because I felt I needed some space. Finally got my butt to bed at 3 am and even THAT made me feel horrible horrible horrible.

    He tried to get me to go to bed, but I was being stubborn.

    Ideally, a couple who stays together, well, “stays together”.

    And I have a crazy over active imagination and would wonder all sorts of stupid things like if he went to a strip club etc

    Post # 5
    Member
    5921 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Absolutely not.  That would be pretty unacceptable to me.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Absolutely not.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would assume he was actually leaving me if he did that. Unless you’re actually separating over the fight, there’s no way that would fly with us.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3378 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Oh heck no.  Under no circumstances.  I agree with ItalianLady, I’d be imagining all the horrible places he could be, and I feel like part of being in an adult relationship is working through problems rather than running away.

    Post # 9
    Member
    761 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @ItalianLady: I would imagine things like that too! I went to New York for a long weekend and I had to call him everyday and text him because I kept thinking o now what if he falls and hits his head and no one knows or since he has diabetes what if something happened and he would have to take the bus to the hospital. It was too much, stupid imagination!

    Post # 10
    Member
    2765 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would be fine with it, as long as I knew she was safe and not wandering the streets or something.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Ummm….I actually did it once.

    We had a ridiculously horrible fight. HORRIBLE. I thought that was it. I didn’t want to be around him, I just wanted to be done so I stormed out and went to a friends house were I cried my eyes out to her and then cried myself to sleep. I stayed the next night too just to clear my head and try and figure things out. It helped and I went back that day. 3 years later we are now engaged so take it as you will…

    Post # 12
    Member
    3620 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    My husband once got pretty upset with me when we were dating just for leaving the house for an hour or two. I left in a huff and went to my favorite pub for a drink to cool my jets. I forgot my phone in my hasty departure, and didn’t tell him where I was going. Well, about an hour (and a few stops) later, he found me and went to the other side of the bar, unnoticed – had the bartender send over a drink from “the guy at the other end” – after that, we made up – and realized that it causes worry to just take off without saying where you’re going… I understand needing space… take a couple hours, cool down… but overnight? Not okay, especially if you don’t tell me where you’re going!

    Post # 13
    Member
    76 posts
    Worker bee

    I would be okay if he left for a little while to cool off but certainly not a whole night. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Absolutely not, unless the fight is because you found him in bed with someone else. Then he best be running out that door faster than your foot can connect to his butt!

    I’ll admit, when we have an argument I stay up pretty much all night because I can’t stand to go sleep next to someone who’s angry with me. I know it’s stupid and does nothing but make me tired the next day, but it just feels weird.

    But I would never leave and ESPECIALLY not for a day or two without calling/checking in. If HE ever did that I would assume the relationship was, for all intents and purposes, over, and I’m not sure I would want it otherwise.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2289 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Absolutley not.

    About a year ago, my husband and I got into a fight. It was a stupid fight and there were miscommunications. I left to go to a craft store, but he misheard me and thought I was just leaving without telling him where I was going. So when I got back, he was gone, but his phone and service dog were still at home. This is someone with a history of depression and – back in the day – suicide attempts. So I started crying hysterically thinking I’d killed him and started literally running all over the place trying to find him. All I could think about was that the last words we said to each other were in anger. I called his sister looking for him and was a stone’s throw from calling the police when he came home. Turns out he’d gone Christmas shopping. We made a pact from then on to never leave the house angry. Too much could happen. To this day, we haven’t.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @mrbee: Oh I agree with you there.  I thought the question implied that the person who left also didn’t contact you.  If someone needed some space but let their spouse know where they were (and they were reachable in case of an emergency) then I could probably get on board.

    Leave a comment


    Find Amazing Vendors