Post # 1
Hello all 🙂 This is my first time posting, but have been lurking around for a while. I can not tell everyone how much it has helped to know that I am not the only one waiting for their BFs to propose with the “it has to be the right time” excuse/reason…. but I am going wedding crazy over here and spend all of my free time researching dresses, flowers, invitations, venues, engagement rings and it has to stop. I thought venting a little might help…
My BF and I have been together for 3.5 years, lived together for 1.5 of those years, and have been doing long distance for the past 7 months because our jobs took us to different states. Despite the long distance, our relationship is stronger than ever. We are crazy about each other and have talked about getting married, having kids, spending the rest of our lives together. We also take turns visiting each other for long weekends at least once a month and have agreed that after about another 9 months of long distance, I will move back in with him-since my job is more flexible.
BUT, after talking and talking about getting married and how wonderful its going to be he STILL has not proposed because he “is waiting for the right time” and its hard for me because everyday is the right time for me to commit to being with him for the rest of my life. I understand that we are separated by a few 1,000 miles right now, but I have made it extremely clear that it is only temporary and that I am willing to move back at any moment. I took this job because it was a fantastic opportunity and will open doors for other jobs, making it easier for me to find jobs where ever we decide to live together. And even before I moved away, I spent an almost an entire year hearing the “its not the right time” from him.
Now, I love him more than anything so I am willing to wait however long it takes…but really how much longer will that be? And what can I do from becoming completely wedding obsessed while I do? Am I crazy for pushing for this while we are doing the long distance thing? I think planning a wedding could be a wonderful goal and a wonderful experience to share while we are dealing with not being with each other every day…is that completely naive?
Any advice you ladies can give, is grately appreciated and thank you for listening!
Post # 3
Have you talked about a timeline with him? He may be thinking the right time will be in years, while you’re ready now. I would definitely sit down and have that kind of conversation with him.
And don’t worry, you’re in good company! I’m not engaged yet, but I’m going wedding crazy too!
Post # 4
We are all wedding crazy. No advice there. I look at wedding ideas, dresses, DIY’s all the time. I like it. I like daydreaming also.
But I never wanted to get married until I met my SO, so sometimes my current actions/thoughts about getting married/having a wedding even overwhelm me. I take it one day at a time, focus on other things like school, my son, good books, and laying in the sun, haha.
Post # 5
Yea I have no advice because I do all the same things..Spend my free time looking at wedding dresses( I found one yesterday that IM DYING TO TRY ON!!!) and DIY. You should just try to focus more on other things!
Post # 6
I’m kinda in the same boat, except we both know it’s going to happen. He did propose in more than one occassion but every single time is without a ring. So right now we’re just unofficially engaged, which is killing me. We talk about it but it always end the same way… once the ring is on my finger, we can put those plans into motion.
At least going to the gym and grad school will keep my mind off of wedding stuff for now.
Post # 7
Thank you for all of the support!!! 🙂
We did unitentionally have a “talk” a while back, but it turned into an argument… he explained that he really does want to get married but “he doesn’t wan to rush”, I explained that for me it isn’t rushing…clearly at an impass…but, I do think I was pressuiring him, and the last thing I want is to pressure him into a proposal…so I wait.
In the meantime, I will take everyone’s advice and try to focus on other things, getting the most out of my experience with this new job and planning visits to my SO….and, I will continue to secretly go wedding crazy (not so secretly, now that I found such a great community! so glad I joined!).
@FutureMrs.browneyes: I found a dress a few weeks ago that i am DYING to try on aswell! I keep a picture of it, along with other fun wedding ideas in a secret file on my computer 😉
Post # 8
Don’t worry about the dress thing. I think I found my potential dress. My big fear is if that dress gets discontinued by the time it happens. *sigh*
Post # 9
Have a talk with him about timelines. I wouldn’t expect him to propose until you’re back in the same state. Figure out what’s holding him back. Do you want an expensive ring? Does he think you need an expensive ring? Is he where he wants to be in his career, etc.?
I guess the main thing is to not nag him. Especially when you’re apart, you want to enjoy your time together. The last thing your relationship needs is him worrying about being pressured… especially when you’re thousands of miles apart.