Post # 1
I just turned 35, been with boyfriend for 13 months. He has not proposed, but wants to. I have no idea when that will be, but he said he is a few months away from proposing. This is the closest to marriage I have ever been. There are 5 girls and 1 boy in our small extended family, and everyone is married except myself and my 25 year old cousin. Her wedding is in November and she got her ring on Valentine’s Day.
My reason for not wanting an e-ring or wedding is for 2 reasons: I just want to be freaking married and I know that planning a wedding will delay my proposal, because SO will want to have “enough money” to propose. I also don’t want a diamond ring because it will just be longer for him to save for it.
My SO’s mom thinks I am selling myself short, that I deserve a wedding and ring, and many people say the same thing. About 20% of me feels that this is true, that I really do want the jewelry and party, but I dislike being 35 and never engaged, so I want to get it done because it’s the one aspect of my life I am not happy with, by far.
I don’t want people to assume that I don’t love my SO and I just want to be married no matter who the guy is. That’s not true. I just really hate watching everyone else get what I want. I have wanted marriage since I was about 22. I just never had a boyfriend who wanted the same with me until now.
Society thinks I am 35 and unengaged because I am a powerful career woman, or that I am fiercely independent. Not true at all. I’m just a girl who is waiting her turn! Has anyone else given up things to speed up the engagement process? Thanks for reading!
Post # 3
@indigo_love: I’m getting there! My SO and I just had another “timeline” discussion because we’ve been talking wedding details a LOT lately and we needed to get realistic. I have a huge family and always thought I needed a huge reception. I still kind of want it but after going to my BFF’s wedding where it was just parents, siblings and me, I kind of want to just run off and get married like that!
The past 4 weddings in our families have been “sort of elopments”. Again, huge family, so it’s just too expensive to do anything else. It makes a lot of sense for a lot of reasons. I think if you aren’t **really** excited about a big wedding, you really shouldn’t do it. There’s no reason! Too much stress and money for something you don’t even want!
Post # 4
I was 35, one month shy of 36, when I MET my now FI. I had never been engaged or even close to being engaged before him.
If a wedding Ian’s a ring is what you’ve wanted for 13+ years, don’t let that go!!! I feel like you might regret it.
If money is your only hang up, go smaller. Have a courthouse wedding with a killer dinner for a few close family/friends or do a more casual thing with tons of people if that what you want. I always wanted a killer party with the people who mean the most to me. If that is what you want, figure out a way to do it – you can get what you want without spending a ton of money
Post # 5
If finances are the problem, but you still want a wedding and and an engagement ring, it can be done. There are plenty of alternatives out there to a diamond ring that will be a lot cheaper. If you want a wedding but don’t want to wait to save up for something big, have a little intimate one, or do a lovely destination beach wedding. It sounds like you need to talk with your partner about the potential budget for these things and make sure he knows that he doesn’t need to save for years to pay for it all. I would urge you to at least do something to celebrate your engagement and marriage because its a very special time in your life and so what it it came a little later than it did for the rest of your family.
Post # 6
I agree with the others here that you don’t have to sacrifice a ring and a wedding! You can get both for very low prices as there are many options out there.
Post # 7
I think you have to do what you want! Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks just make sre it’s really what you want! Age is only a number. I do understand where you are coming from. I was 35 too.
Post # 8
Do what you want! If you want an e-ring and you want a wedding, don’t miss out on them! Here’s what I’d do…start planning now. You know the engagement is coming. Go ahead and start planning details. You could do a small ceremony. Do you know anyone who is an ordained minister? You could just go to a pretty location, or if you know someone with a good back yard, and have a small wedding. Then have a cook out or get catering from a local restaurant. So if you plan now, you could have the wedding details finalized quickly after you get the ring. But if you would truly be happy without a wedding, then I wouldn’t worry about what other people say. 🙂