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We received an invitation to a wedding last minute from a couple that is in our social circle, but not really our close friends. It was OBVIOUS we were Z-listed, but to be honest, I was honored that they chose to invite us at all. We went, had a great time, and they are coming to our wedding as well.
I recieved an invite "through email" from an aquantance.. they had 2 ceremonies (hindu and traditional).. I went to the hindu one because I knew it was the more casual of the two.. showed my face.. took a video with my phone which I later sent to the bride via fb.. AND then she had the nerve to ask her SIL (one of my best friends) how after all the trouble she went through to invite me how I ended up not coming to the traditional ceremony! Eek!
What SHOULD she have done? I mean I'm sure I'm going to have blantant and obvious last minute invites, and if you are offended by that I'm sorry- it is tough, just delcine and I'll offend/ invite someone else.
I wouldn't like that either. That's why we chose to only have 1 list - invited or not. It seemed like it would just cause hurt feelings if we had a B list.
Don't take it personally. We didn't even have a B list and we forgot one couple that was definitely on our list but somehow were overlooked... I didn't get to send them an invite until 2 weeks after the originals went out. Sometimes it happens.
Yea, it sucks that you know your a last minute add on, but they liked you enough to give you a chance. I would go, because I love weddings! Sorry that you were offended. :(
We just had one list. I knew not everyone would be able to make it- with that in mind, we invited 20% more guests
I'd look past it and go, weddings are so much fun, A list or B list, good food, good music, wedding traditions, it's all good
I had LAST minute cancellations to our wedding and I FB invited a casual friend/former co-worker and she was thrilled I asked. She KNEW it was a last minute invite and didn't seem offended. In the end we had 8 NO shows= to about $1,000 I wish I would have last minute invited other casual friends/ acquaintances and had them enjoy the food, fun and drink. I figured most people would be offended so I opted for the empty seats. One thing's for sure with weddings, you can't please everyone!
i wouldnt be offended either. At least they thought to invite you at all. There are so many people i would like to invite that i cant so if i get some guest dropping out at the last minute, i plan on calling some of those people and inviting them.
I feel ya! I once got an invitation to a destination wedding...the day after the wedding happened. The postmark was 2 days before the wedding...obvious gift grab there. lol
see, in this case, I think its totally fine and I too would be thrilled, but I am kinda getting the gist of the OPs case is that it was kind of like an... honor to be invited at all? Not sure if I have it right.
In this case, a simple.... "we had a last minute cancellation, IF you don't already have Easter plans, I would be thrilled if you can make it"
B-lists (or Z lists in your case) always seem to cause hurt feelings. I don't know how anyone thinks that it is an honour to be asked to be a seat filler at the last minute. It looks like you don't want to miss out on any potential gifts.
Their invites went out months ago and quite frankly I didn't care that I wasn't invited, I haven't seen this girl in years. I have no desire to be a seat filler and it doesn't feel like an honor when she flat out says she doesn't have time to mail an invite - I get that it's busy in the days leading up to a wedding but I'd rather just have not been invited than to be asked to fill a seat.
ouch!
Last minute invites are bad, but B list or even C list with time I don't think are. You don't know how they made their guest list. My A list is full of obligatories such as aunts and uncles and cousins I haven't seen in years and friends I see regulary are down on my C list :(
So, sometimes it's not what you think. Obviously this girl knew you for a while and was able to invite you after some folks said no, but I had a similar circumstance.
A guy at work started right as we sent out invites for our wedding (we sent them out 8 weeks in advance), and he had started hanging out with our crew. Just about 2 weeks prior to the wedding, I came to work and handed him an invite and asked him to bring his girlfriend. I had other friends from work invited, and I just didn't feel right not including him. Emily Post would have slapped my hands, but we didn't know him all that well when we sent out the invites. I know knowing someone for only 6 weeks doesn't scream, "send an invite!!" but my husband and I both really liked him from hanging out with him, and we're so glad we invited the two of them.
They ended up catching the bouquet and garter at our wedding, and now they're getting married, which is awesome! I'm excited for them and really glad we invited them...now 3 1/2 years later, we still talk about our wedding and he's become a good friend.
Out of the 162 people we invited (we thought we would get around 125) We had 85 yes RSVP's. Our country club had a food and beverage minimum so FI and I started asking other friends who were not originally invited. We did explain that we had a lot of people decline and we would love to have them there. We would rather spend the money on these people coming to the wedding for dinner, drinks and dancing than just throw it away. I invited the girls in my wine club and told them how awkward I felt but we have a bunch of room and if they would like to come- then we would love them to! Everyone seemed really happy to be asked!
I think though that if you didn't know him when you mailed your invites then he just doesn't come. You don't magically grow to BFFs over a few weeks. Who would ever be slighted that they didn't get invited to a wedding of someone they don't know.
I personally don't care if anyone invites me to their wedding ever. It eats up several days of prime weekend days (shower, bachelorette, wedding), I usually eat an ok meal, dance and then leave. I always go to support my friends but it isn't a huge honour. And conversely I could care less if anyone comes to my wedding. I feel like I am burdening them to invite them. I know they will come cause they want to support me, but its just a party. The marriage is what's important and no one will be there for that except FI and I.
@andielovesj: We didn't invite him b/c we thought he would feel slighted. We invited him b/c we wanted him and his GF (now FI) there. He's a lot of fun and the 4 of us hung out a lot in the few weeks that he had just started. I didn't say that we were magically BFFs in a few weeks. We just wanted them there and they were happy to come and share the day.
It may not even be that you are on her B-list, it could be that she just isnt very organized and missed some people or left the invites to the last minute.
@sparkle: honestly, if i were her and read the way you were responding to my invite, i probably wouldn't ask you at all. she had an empty seat and thought of you as someone she wanted to be there.
when i was planning 90% of my a-list were obligatory invites as well as all of my b-list. it was only when i got to my c-list i actually got to ask people who i liked and hung out with.
with a week and a half left until the wedding, perhaps she IS too busy to mail you a physical invite. after all, HER wedding is in a little over ten days.
if you don't want to go, don't go, but i think the rudest part is complaining about it like this. she didnt have to ask you, she wanted to.
@andielovesj: Or maybe I just don't want to see my money wasted! You do have to give final numbers in, and what if THEN someone cancels. I've already paid 150 per head, yes, I'd like someone to fill that seat so at least SOMEONE gets to eat and drink.
@vmec: I think that is just the risk of inviting someone. Ultimately, you can choose to do as you wish, but know that the person that you think you are honouring with a last minute invite, may not feel the same way.
I think in these situations it's just best for the bride to be honest. I invited some people quasi-last-minute and just told them, we were having a small wedding and didn't think we'd be able to invite everyone we wanted there, but it turns out we would have room for them. They all seemed psyched.
Also, last-minute-cancellations are a great way to tell someone they can now bring their recent SO who wasn't previously invited :) There always seem to be a few of those.
Scores of brides come here proclaiming how sacred their weddings are, how they only want their closest and dearest there and bemoaning/blasting the "distant" friends and relatives who even dare think they will be invited. All of a sudden those no responses start rolling in and they'll invite the milk man to meet that minimum. Hypocritical?
I am inviting folks with less than 3 weeks left. Not to reach quota (we have already done that) but to make peace. I'm not happy about it but it is what it is. At this point I do not even care if they accept.
I invited a co-worker after the RSVP deadline and she was thrilled. I was honest with her and she had no problem. There is nopossible way you can invite everyone. No matter how or when the invitation comes, those that want to be there will and those who don't won't accept.
I'm sure every bride has a story. I would not be mad at all.
@mascott25: I'm definitely not one of those brides. I want a lot of people to be at my wedding, but realistically I can't afford to invite every single person. So it's a good opportunity for me when someone important says they can't go... so I can then invite another important person to my wedding. But fortunately, we had enough declines before STDs were even sent out so that my wedding list is set. If only 50 come out of the 250 that were invited, we will not be scrambling to invite other people.
The OPs situation was probably different. They probably had her on the list and couldn't invite her until they knew they had a seat for her. Yea it sucks, but there's not much you can do about having 500+ people you want at your wedding. Anyway, my point is, maybe other brides are beng hypocritical, but I'm not one of those brides.
To the OP, you obviously haven't had your wedding yet. As the date approaches, you end up paying ahead for guests. If there are last minute no shows or people that have to cancel.....you generally don't get your money back from the hall. Therefore, you try to fill the spot with friends that you weren't able to invite. Call it an obvioius B-list, but it doesn't have to be so negative. You are someone's B-list, which is better then not making the list at all. If you like the people that invited you at all, you shouldn't really have a problem with it.
I get what Sparkle's saying. I have been B listed before, and TOTALLY understood and was not offended at all... but Z-list, 10 days before the wedding? That does seem like seat-filler material. I think I really have a more old-school thought about these things than much younger brides -- but yeah, you suck it up and pay for the extra seats. You don't insult your friends who you haven't seen in four or five years.
It may also be in how it's handled. Say it was the parent or sibling of a close friend who you couldn't add until the last minute, there is a way to graciously say "we have some extra room and if your mom/sister/brother would like to come, we'd love for them to be there, and please, their presence is enough..." You know?
@blu77:I totally agree that there is probably a better, more gracious way to handle inviting someone on the Z-list, with only a short time before the wedding.
I've been Z-listed for a wedding and I was offended. B-listed is one thing, but 10 days before without the bride or groom honestly explaining that they really wanted to invite you earlier, but space/money/whatever considerations kept them from doing it, is insulting to me.
When I was Z-listed, I had a friend who was *in the wedding party* (not the bride or groom) email me less than two weeks before a wedding to invite me. The wedding was in Illinois and I lived in California at the time. So I was supposed to spend $$$$ on a flight for people who I hadn't seen or spoken to in several years and couldn't send me an invitation or even invite me themselves? When I didn't respond (because I was on vacation!), I got another testy email from the person in the wedding party about how I was messing things up for the bride and groom because they didn't know if I was coming or not. UGH! I probably would've felt better about it if they had contacted me themselves and had nicely explained what was going on (and hadn't gotten so testy!), even though the flight costs would've kept me from going...
@MeghanV: Absolutely. I was one of these recently. I was actaully really not happy that I did not get an invite. We were living together and had been for 3 plus years and I was not officially invited. 1 day before the wedding bf got news, there was room. Obviously someone cancelled, and I got in. I was more offended I wasn't on the list in the first place than the last minute seat filler.
I had to cut the g-list, there are friends I want to come but can't invite due to "must invites" of family. If family cancells but your butt I'm 'seat filling'. Unless of course I get declines in with time to spare then they will get their rightful invites as per anyone else.
@Atalanta: No, seat filling did NOT offend me. Not being invited as a plue 1 offended me. We were in a serious relationship and living together for 3 years at the time of their wedding and I was not invited. That offended me, I was thrilled when she said I was allowed to come at last mintue.
there were a few friends' wedding that i wish i could have been z-listed on.
try not to be offended. it could be lots of fun!
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So I totally get that it's difficult to cut a gust list, lots of people have a B-list of people to send invites to if/when they get a "no" RSVP. I'm sure I've been on a couple of B list before but never this obviously! I got a phone call last inviting me to a wedding on the 24th - like in a week and a half! And on Easter Sunday! She also said she didn't have time to mail an invite so she'd just scan it to my email. So really, I'm on a list so low it would be called like the Q list! I'm not mad or anything but I'm also not going...Emily Post would not be happy with this invitation!