- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
Okay so this will probably be very long, sorry! I know that a B-days have really nothing to do with the wedding, but this situation made me wonder if I brought unnecessary drama into my wedding by having this bridesmaid.
okay so here is some back story: to start, me and this bridesmaid (we will call her child) is one of three friends that I have grown up with my ENTIRE life and have been best friends with. these three girls are my bridesmaids. about two months ago I even defended bridesmaid Child against one of the other Bridesmaids (we will call her Dopey) because Bridesmaid Dopey basically told Bridesmaid Child she didnt want to speak to her anymore. (I only intervened because two bridesmaids not speaking in a wedding party makes for uncomfortable tension) Also I considered dropping bridesmaid Dopey from the wedding at that point because I am really closer to bridesmaid Child (and if I had to pick one it would have been her) SO anyway it eventually all calmed down and they made up and things went back to normal.
Here’s where the real story begins. My bday was Saturday…and my fiance is out of state for work and couldnt be here so his sister (one of the three friends, my best friend, and MOH) asked me if I would like to go to the mall to hang out with her, since I had nothing else to do I planned to meet her there. well before I left to go I get a txt from Dopey wishing me a happy bday and wanted to hang out with me for the day…So I preceded to fill her in on my plans to meet MOH at mall And I also told her how I planned to go to dinner with fiance’s parents and MOH for my bday. I invited her to both outings in case she couldnt make it to one she could go to the other, she decides to go to both. So by this time it is 2pm when I head of to the mall with bridesmaids Dopey and MOH (in my mind I am wondering and feeling a little hurt by the fact I havent gotten a txt from Child with a quick hapy bday msg) But when I mention this to the others they say “oh she had to work and probably cant use her phone” ( I am automatically ok with it now, I understand if she has to work…I dont expect anything at that time). so we enjoy our time at the mall (oh Very important side note: nobody called Child to see if she was working…but she put on her FB that she was working and would be working all day. so we all knew she was unavailable to hang out) Anyway as it gets closer to evening time I start to wonder if I am going to hear from Child at all (I know by this time she is not working and has access to her phone) So I am starting to feel Really hurt by this…I have never had a bday without all these girls and Im wondering if she even remembers its my bday…which hurts even more (since we have been friends so long). At this point I dont want to call and remind her its my bday that would be awfully pathetic. and I also dont call and invite her to dinner (this Was on purpose) because I am a little upset with her now, and figure if she cant pick up the phone to say happy bday then why am I inviting her to my bday dinner (again I dont even know if she remembers at this point that it is my bday and I’m not going to beg someone to hang out with me, who clearly doesnt care to). Dinner goes well and I leave to go home and Dopey rides with MOH and fiances parents back to her car that she left at their house. Well the next day FMIL is making me a bday dinner at her house (its a tradition to get your favorite meal cooked for you on the Sunday after your bday) and at some point Saturday morning FMIL had invited ALL the girls to this dinner (Dopey had to work, but because she spent Saturday with me that was okay with me, MOH was going to be there, and Child had happily accepted) which then tells me she DID know it was my bday and didnt contact me at ALL. What was up with that! SO I go to the dinner expecting to see Child (who I am still not that mad at, because at least she is making up for the day before by being there that day) but when I get there FMIL says its just the family today…Sorry. Im wondering what happened but dont push for answers and enjoy dinner. After dinner we are looking at invites for the wedding when they (FMIL and MOH) finally fill me in:
Apparently after the dinner was over and they were driving back home, Child calls Dopey Screaming at her about not getting invited to the mall or to dinner! and Poor Dopey doesnt know what to do or say…it was not her dinner or her plans so why was Child calling her and screaming at her. (I realize of course she called Dopey because had she called me I would have put her in her place REAL fast and MOH would have stood up to her attack also, she basically picked the weakest link, Dopey, to freak out on because Dopey would take it and not defend herself) I am FURIOUS! how dare she blow up like that! she was basically mad because we didnt call her to invite her to the mall because we already knew she was busy. So what did she want? for us to call her and ask her to do something that we already knew she couldnt do, and she knew that we already knew that she was busy. So basically she was mad because we didnt call her, So that she could tell us NO. Is SHE KIDDING? SO she didnt call me that day to say happy baday because she was Mad we didnt invite her out when she was working and mad because we didnt invite her to dinner (which was more my choice than anyone) but she didnt call me….and still hasnt called me. Another reason no one invited her to dinner was because no one had heard from her all day…it was not her day (if she wanted to be a part of something, it was no ones job to hunt her down, she should have checked in with someone to see what the plans were). On top of that she called FMIL last minute Sunday to say she wouldnt be there either (which REALLY upset me because FMIL cooked extra food in preparation of extra people) How rude is that!
So NOW I’m wondering if I hadnt made a HUGE mistake in asking this drama queen to be in the bridal party…this is not the first time she’s pulled crappy childish things like this. Recently I sacrifices a whole evening (I work Full time, and go to school) to help her move out of her Boyfriends house before he got home, all to have him call her, make up with her, and have her move back in the next DAY. Not to be negative Nancy but this is not my only concern…she has never been on time in her life (and Im not talking 20-30 minutes late, I’m talking 2-3 HOURS late) And I’m going to have to force one of the other bridesmaids to baby sit her the day of the wedding (she is VERY selfish and CHildish so it wont concern her to be late on my wedding day) DID I MAKE A HUGE MISTAKE. I also feel really bad about how she treated Dopey (if she wanted to be mad at someone it should be me…but I think she knows she is in the wrong, so she wont call me)
So now I dont know what to do. She owes Me, Dopey, AND my FMIL serious apologies. and she is stubborn as a MULE, I dont see her apologizing anytime soon. and I dont want to let this behavior towards us all go without some apology. we are down to five months and their bridesmaid’s dresses are already ordered, but I dont know how to resolve this, HELP?
Again Sorry for the NOVEL length post 😀 just wanted to make sure you had all the facts before you give Adivise, Thanks BEES!