(Closed) Not even excited to get engaged anymore…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I certainly wish you the best of luck. Being a relative newbie on here, (yes, I primarily troll for ideas…) I really can’t dispense the sage-like advice that some o the others are able to offer… But here goes.

i just recently got engaged (will be a week tomorrow) and our situation wasn’t all too different. We talked about getting married early on (I knew I wanted to be with her very early in the relationship). About a year and a half into the relationship, Iasked her parents for her hand and they said yes. The very next day, she starts dropping hints as to what she expects of her proposal and wedding. At that point, I knew someone had talked. What this actually did was put a lot of undue pressure on me (yes, I do realize I won’t get a ton of sympathy out

There). As excited as you girls might be for the actual moment and act of engagement, I think guys are equally excited about the surprise/excitement/reaction. That said, in my situation, her knowing and us talking too muchkind of deflated me regarding a proposal. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to… Quite the contrary. I just no longer had the element of surprise. I’ve read enough on here to know that it’s something a lot of guys relish in. He now knows where you stand and what your expectations are… Give him his time to cook up that great idea to make the proposal special for you two. remember, coming up with the idea and finding the perfect ring is probably pretty stressful on him. From experience, it took me about a month to read all I needed to know about picking out a diamond before I actally felt comfortable with picking one out… And then the horrifying task of finding the right setting was a different story. so, with all of that said, I guess I’ll ask you to be patient on his behalf.

in regards to the friends and other couples, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. While you’re anxious now, this mere lapse in time won’t seem so bad down the road. Every relationship progresses at it’s own pace (my fiancee’s best friend had been dating the same guy for nearly ten years from the time they were freshmen in high school… They just got engaged). The relationships of others should not be the measure for your situation. If you love him and trust that he’ll do right by you, then let him take care of what he needs to do. Don’t worry so much about what others are doing… Be happy for your friends and family. Know that your time will come as well. And if it helps, poit him to this board after it finally happens. You wouldn’t believe the guilt and shame I felt after reading the stories of others in waiting and the agony that accompanies it. 🙂 I’ve already apologized several times So, in short, please be patient. If it’s in the works, he’ll find a way to make it special and uniquely you.

I do wish you two the best of luck… Waiting isn’t always easy… But when it’s something that means so much to us, it’s often worth it.

Post # 4
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

maggierose- I know just how you feel *hugs*

WWLCC- thank you for offering the male perspective on things. We women need those reminders some time, especially on the rough days- I hope you come back and bring other guys with you because the holidays may get rough for a few of us.

Post # 5
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

Thanks for posting @maggierose. I am also sick and tired of waiting. I decided yesterday that I’ll be buying MYSELF the ring we’ve looked at. I deserve it; he is wishy washy; I am not going to wait another year to “be happy”. The ring I want is a gorgeous australian opal with a small diamond, not a traditional engagement ring. I will be able to look at it and know I love myself! My 50th bd is Jan 10 so I am working to have the money to make the big purchase.

We were in couples therapy earlier in the year, but we failed to touch on some central issues to our relationship. I recently went back to therapy with a therapist I’ve had for five years, and it is helping me to get some clarity. But I’m still unsure of my next move.

Last New Year’s day I told my “Buford” I wanted us to get married in 2010. We did talk about it A LOT and especially in therapy. He is a good man, but he has said he was going to propose 3 times this year, then dropped out. I told him I’m not going there anymore.

It is especially hard to be “satisfied” at this time of year. As if my own expectations, wishes and dreames weren’t enough pressure, there are all those damned jewelry ads where the perfect couple shares the perfect jewelry gift and declares undying love. I know of a couple who, well, he got her diamond earrings for her birthday, and handed her the payment booklet (back in the dark ages before it was all computerized). (!) so I know life isn’t always like the fairy tales portrayed by the major jewelers.

I think if he asked me now I’d be like, “Thanks, but I’m not ready anymore. I need time.” I just returned everything I’d bought for our potential wedding and that was sad, but a load off and I feel stronger.

Let’s find ways to make ourselves happy at this time of year. In 2 weeks the holidays will be over and we can MOVE ON. I hope!

Post # 6
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Maggierose- Just wanted to give a virtual hug!

Mermaideve- Hapy Early 50th b-day! My mom is celebrating hers next yr too, the same day I celebrate my 30th.LOL

Post # 7
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  Hi Maggie,

  We all go through those feelings. The holidays are just the worst for them. Looking back at last Christmas, I was torn in half. I knew a Christmas proposal wasn’t coming, because he wanted to surprise me. Part of me wanted him to propose on Christmas because I was just SO READY TO TAKE THAT NEXT FREAKIN’ STEP! The other half didn’t want him to propose on Christmas, because I would be expecting it.

  I also went through the whole “I’m not going to be surprised” thing. I knew from his timeline that it would have been by the end of summer 2010. When August rolled around, I knew it was really soon. I was afraid I wasn’t going to be surprised. He pulled off a huge surprise! We are currently living 5 hours apart. I was expecting it to be a week later, when I went to visit him. He surprised me by driving up for the weekend. He got in on a Friday night, took my dad out for some drinks and asked for his blessing. My mom and stepfather made sure I would be available to go out. The three of us were sitting at a bar when he came through the door and surprised me. We went out for a nice dinner and then left. He ended up proposing at a very nice place for the two of us.

  Your SO will find a way to surprise you and make it special, I promise! I didn’t think it could happen because I knew so much, but yet, it still happened. Go enjoy some time with your family and friends…hopefully that will help distract you a bit!

Post # 8
Member
809 posts
Busy bee

I just wanted to send you a hug, since I don’t really have any advice to give you. I hope that you can still enjoy your holidays, and that you work it out with your SO. Don’t let other couples get you down when your special time is coming soon. *more hugs!*

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