Not excited about wedding planning

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@wanabeabee:  How frustrating!  You can DEFINITELY plan your wedding for July if your FSIL and FBIL’s is in August….it is a month apart and I don’t see how your wedding impacts theirs at all.  Who told you you couldn’t do it in July?  Unfortunately those who pay have a big say…so if it was FI’s parents you may be out of luck. 

Have the wedding you want.  If you get bullied into a 300+ person affair you’ll be miserable if your dream wedding is a small backyard thing.  

Post # 4
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Plan a wedding that you and your FI can afford, and do it pretty much whenever you want to (excluding the weekend they are planning theirs).  

You can do something very small and simple- like a JOP followed by BBQ in a public park or dinner at a restaurant for family.  

I have always loved the idea of a brunch wedding.  You can rent a community center, check out a park, or book a small family owned restaurant and host immediate family and very close friends.

Don’t let this get you down!  You’ll just have to reevaluate your budget and make it work!

Post # 5
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Plan your same wedding WITHOUT their lame money. If even just using their backyard gets them too involved, find another cheap option and save up for it.

Post # 6
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I can see how having two weddings in one year with a family that is financially contributing can be hard on the family.  I can also understand why you don’t want to wait.  I wouldn’t either. 

Don’t let yourself get bullied into a bigger wedding than you want.  Your FMIL is probably just enjoying the planning of the bigger wedding, and once she comes down from that high, maybe she will start seeing things clearly. 

Post # 7
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Plan a wedding you and your FI can afford. Ignore your rude ILs.

Post # 8
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

ditch em… well maybe not fully. Try and save your own money and enjoy planning what you want rather than other people pressuring you to do something you don’t want. Tell them that the month you chose is great for your half of the guest list. If they wanna contribute, they can but they must respect your wishes.

My fam is the same. My mom wanted to throw a party and when the guests arrive that’s when she would tell them that it is a wedding ( I love that idea!). Her mom flipped and pushed her into a big wedding.

My fam paid for my eldest sister’s wedding and as a result her opinions were useless… they kept telling her that it was their wedding and she was just the bride. A lot of fights were there.

Post # 10
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

@wanabeabee:  I am in the exact…EXACT same situation as you or very similar!!  My fiance couldn’t even propose to me when he wanted to bc his brother said he already bought a ring and wanted to propose to his g/f even though me and my fiance had been dating 4X as long as them and they barely dated.  So my man had to wait 3 months until to propose to me to not steal his brothers thunder (annoying) then his bro got mad bc my ring was was nicer than what he got his fiance (sorry, thats your fault) and then when we picked a date we were told we had to push it backa c ouple months because that was the month his bro was going to get married (they didn’t set a date for a year) so we literally had to wait a year before we could even set the date.  I WAS SO PISSED….I am like seriously?!? WTF… OH well…We even got our wedding info out to our guests way before they did…even though our wedding is like 3 months after there’s. So I am sure his bro’s bride to be is pissed about that but I am not basing everything about my wedding on what they do… Over it..

 

Post # 11
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@wanabeabee:  

1) Take back control. People only hurt you if you allow them too. Next time FSIL says something do NOT be afriad to look her in the eye and say ‘that is something rude to say to a future family member of yours’ and then walk away. Or “I’m not entertaining this conversation” or “I’m sorry you think this is a competition” and walk away.

2) Plan your back yard wedding. If someoen complains tell them “it’s a dream of ours come true;I’m sorry you don’t share our happiness”

Learn the art of a tactful, one sentence reply LOL.

 

Post # 12
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

You said “we have been told we cannot get married before them.”  Who has issued this edict? Is this coming from your FILs or your FBIL and FSIL?  If it is the former, and they are paying for your wedding, then I can understand that. If it is the latter, and this is about thunder stealing, etc., then that should really not need to be a factor in the timing of your wedding.

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