Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married on May 24th. This has been a difficult wedding to plan because I am from Utah and his family is all in Pennsylvania. When we got engaged last march he and I had the difficult choice of where to have it. We ended up choosing Pennsylvania just because he has a larger family. I have spent the last year doing my best to plan our dream wedding and it is great except now everyone is backing out from my family and not coming. I didn’t expect many to travel just because of the distance but I’m down to two bridesmaids from seven (one is his sister) and most of my family except my mom, dad, step-mom, and an uncle are not coming. Even my three siblings who were a part of the wedding backed out. I have kept trying to be positive losing the chance to share my big day with friends and family but today I had my maid of honor drop out last minute because she says she can’t afford it. It has gotten to the point where yes I am excited to get married and be with the man of my dreams but I feel all I have done now is plan a family get together for his family and I will be the odd man out in a white dress. I’m afraid I won’t have as good of a time at our wedding because I don’t really know anyone except my parents. Now my bridals are on friday and I don’t even want to do them because I am afraid I will look sad in them because of how discouraging this whole thing has become. This whole thing isn’t helped by the fact that my future mother-in-law has so wonderfully kept bring up how I’m not supported by my family and keeps trying to change the wedding to vegas because “I should have listened to her all along and eloped.”
Sorry for venting on here but I needed to get this off my chest to someone other than a family member..
Post # 3
That must be really hard. Have you discussed this with any of your family to tell them how you feel? We are originally from PA, and depending on where you are having it, it shouldn’t be that costly for them to make the trip. I want to tell you that all of the people who matter will be there… its what my hubby told me when our family started backing out too. And we live in MD now, and all of our family is in PA and even they backed out with a 45 minute drive. (we had the wedding in PA) So I dunno if that makes you feel any better at all… 🙁 I was more irritated about the people I paid for, who raised a stink about not being invited, then blew us off anyway. It may make you feel better though that on our wedding day… I really had no clue as to who came and who didn’t as I was so wrapped up in the events of the day and feeling like a princess and being in love, I really could not stop smiling once I hit the church sanctuary. My face actually hurt from smiling so much. It wasn’t until later when I sat down at the hotel that I got peeved at the people I realized didn’t show. Hang in there. I too was saying we should have eloped because I was sooo nervous I was sick to my stomach the entire night before and morning, but now when I look at the pictures, that same smile spreads across my face. I think you deserve to have your wedding day the way you want it. Focus more on the fact that you are marrying your love, rather than those that won;t be there. (Hugs)
Post # 4
Could you plan a “after wedding” party in Utah at some point? Could be soon after, or perhaps for your one year anniversary? Kind of like how couples who do Destination Wedding do an at-home reception. Then you could celebrate the marriage with your family too.
Post # 5
I’m from NY and he’s from Ohio… and we live in Ohio. So we had the same issue about where to have it and ended up choosing Connecticut. Closer to NY.
Hardly anyone from his list is coming (4 so far). And interestingly, the mailbox has been pretty empty overall, even from the people that live close.
It’s made me sad, especially some particular No’s, but the people that really want to be there will be. Enjoy the day with your new husband.
Even if no one shows up, you’ll still be married and that’s the whole point of the day. And you won’t even realize who isn’t there….. At least that’s what I’m going to believe for the next month!
Post # 6
i understand this completely. FI’s family and my family are spread out across a lot of the eastern US (louisiana, kentucky, ohio, west virginia, maryland…) and these are close family members. we decided to have the wedding in a place we both liked and chose california (where we met).
i got a lot of backlash for that from my family (i’m selfish and don’t care if my family comes). most of my family is not going because of costs, even though they’ve known about the wedding for a year. there might only be one person from my mother’s side going (my sister).
it makes me really sad to think about it. my family has been very supportive of my wedding at all. no one ever asks about anything. when i bring up my wedding, they change the subject…
so yeah… i completely understand where you’re coming from. it would be so much easier if both of us were from the same area but really… f-it. if one of them was getting married, i would be there. it could be in china and i’d be there.
Post # 7
@Faithsgirl226: Oh, I hear you! I can totally relate. My Fiance and I are from different provinces, and when we were deciding where to have our wedding we figured that most of his family and friends would not be able to travel to Ontario where I am from because they either couldn’t afford it or have zero interest in travelling to Ontario no matter what the reason. In contrast, most of my family was excited to travel to Newfoundland as it would be a new experience for them. I am extremely grateful to my family and the few friends who are spending so much money to attend my wedding. That being said, some of those who inititally expressed their excitement over my getting married in Newfoundland are suddenly not coming, and some of FI’s family and friends who are IN Newfoundland have RSVP’d that they aren’t coming. At times I wonder if we should have just gotten married in Ontario, but I am just trying to keep in mind that what truly matters is that our immediate families are there, and I am marrying my best friend.
It’s really difficult to imagine your wedding without some of the people who you always imagined would be there – just try to keep your head up and remember that you are going to marry your Fiance and that’s what truly matters.