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![[Poll] NOT feeding vendors! Is it rude? UPDATE!!](http://boards-static.weddingbee.com/images/left-loop-button-on.gif)
I will be feeding absolutely 1 vendor. That would be the wedding planner who has worked with me for months on end while I live out of state. She will be there all day and will likely want to eat at some point. Not to mention she is completely under charging us for all the work she has done thus far. I know etiquette states I should let vendors eat. But quite frankly, when I show up to work I am expected to work and bring my lunch or get lunch from somewhere. My employer is not responsible for providing my lunch! Why should we have to provide a vendors meal when they could have brought a sack lunch. I have no problems with vendors breaking so they can eat, use the restroom, etc. I do have a problem paying a vendor 1300 bucks for something and then be expected to feed them a meal! I paid you to work and you can figure out your own lunch/dinner!
Am I being rude?
My venue provides 3 vendor meals at no charge, which is very nice. I expect that you should feed your DJs and photographer, I mean they're going to be there for hours... and you don't exactly want to piss off the people who can significantly change the awesomeness of your wedding. ;)
Yes you are absolutely right in your point but alas it's a wedding and nothing makes sense moneywise. In the end you want your vendors to be happy so they will do a good job at your wedding. It's not worth it to have them be rude if you can just provide a meal. My place provides vendor meals so it's not as high price as what the rest of the guest are eating.
I think that this can depend on your personal situation and vary from bride to bride and vendor to vendor.
At my wedding we had a full coursed seated meal and so our vendors did not sit down and eat that with us but I did talk to the chef and have him make some trays with small finger sandwiches, fruit and hummus and crackers for the vendors. Is that an option for you?
I do not think you are being uptight because in most cases you don't want your photog sitting down at a table next to your friends/family...haha....but like I said, it varies depending on the type of food, formalness of the reception/wedding/venue, and your personal choice.
I also think that many vendors (most!) would much rather a larger tip/gift after the fact then a meal.
I think it's a courtesy to provide a meal. weddings aren't like other jobs. It's high stress, long hours and a lot of work for those vendors. Why not say thank you with a meal for them? Happy vendors will help your wedding go smoothly. You don't want an angry DJ or photographer!
I think it is not only proper etiquette, but common courtesy as well to feed your vendors. Yes, you have hired them to help out on your wedding day, but they are people who are taking the time away from their family and their weekend to help you out. They have most likely put a lot of time and effort and preparation into your wedding day. Without the vendors, you wouldn't have much of a day, and I think it is well worth the cost of a vendor plate (which is often a discounted price) to hire them.
I kind of see your point, but its kind of expected and etiquette that the vendors will eat. Most places will arrange for a sandwich platter or some alternate meal if you dont want to feed them the typical menu. My venue provided half priced meals for vendors, so they ate the same food as the guests. IMO its pretty rude to not feed them. They are working all day too, from setup to whenever they are done, taking weekend time away from their families.
Not only is it polite to feed your vendors, it also seems very unfair NOT to feed them. Would you rather have your photographer leave during the reception to run over to the corner deli and get a sandwich? Vendors meals from the venue are usually much reduced--ours are $35, and if we use venue recommended vendors, then they're free. Think about how you would feel if asked to work an 8-10 hour event without eating!
we had a photographer (whom we've since let go and requested a new one) that flat out said, "are you going to feed me?" we answered, 'well our venue has vendor meals, so we could just buy one of those for you." to which he replied, "ugh, those are disgusting. i'll just walk somewhere and get something to eat." just one reason of many we're requesting a new photog. haha. i never heard of feeding vendors before, but i imagine we'll feed our coordinator and probably photog, but no one else. (maybe?? i have no idea what the etiquitte is)
It's up to you, but I personally want to keep my vendors happy so they do the best job they possibly can. My photographer even has her requirement of a vendor meal written into her contract, so in her case the answer was obvious. Our venue provides vendor meals at a reduced cost (compared to their overly-priced guest meals), so I ordered them for all of our vendors who will be with us through dinner time -- our photographer and 4 band members. Is this really a huge cost compared to everything else you you are shelling out for your wedding? Probably not.
I felt this exact same way when I first got engaged and started to realize how gosh darn expensive everything is with all the extra charges! It makes a totally normal person seem like a monster. I was so mad that I had to feed everyone when I never get fed at work and work longer hours than these people!
Of course I no longer feel this way. The main reason you have to provide the food is for convenience. Most weddings are in venues where there isn't a foodcourt directly adjacent or they don't know if they can put their lunchbag in a fridge anywhere near where they'll be needing to eat. Their jobs are based around being flexible, and part of that is eating fast, not having to cart it around or prepare it.
We absolutely decided to feed our vendors. I am taking NO chances that a pissed off hungry photographer will ruin my photos! Plus do you really want your DJ to be eating out of a sack lunch in front of all your guests? My venue is charging only $20 per vendor meal as opposed to the guest cost of $60 so it isn't outrageously expensive.
@ everyone ( i am lazy lol). I think my problem is that is just the principle. I could care less if they sat next to us. If I were all for feeding them I would certainly invite them to sit down in the room with us. I would feel awful making them sit in a room somewhere. Our venue does not have vendor meals. We are having a small wedding like 50 people so it really isn't about the money either. It just irks me that this has become etiquette. I understand I don't want to piss them off because I want them to do good work. Oh I feel a bridezilla moment. They are professionals and should act as such. Pack a lunch. But maybe I should just waiver on this one and fall victim to stupid etiquette. I don't think I want to be the martyr on our wedding day. Maybe another day. LOL. But next time, next time...it is war! LOL
I really think you need to feed your vendors. As others have mentioned most venues have vendor meals that are much lower cost than you are paying per head for your guests. If you truly do intent not to feed them you absolutely must let them know ahead of time... it sounds like you are expecting them to show up with a sandwich in a bag which they will never think to do because it's proper to feed them and that is what they will be accostomed to. Without fair warning they will come unprepared and be unable to eat for a very long stretch of time... and that's not good for anyone.
We are totally feeding the vendors. The only one that we aren't is our officiant, but only because she flat out told us that she does not attend receptions. It's just ettiquette.
Happy vendors = happy brides (post wedding too! Think pictures!)
Plus, how can photographers carry a meal with them all day? And if they charge you by the hour wouldn't you rather pay $65 (in our case) for their vendor meal than lose the 30-45 minutes of their eating time?
This industry is different from the industry you work in. It's good manners and etiquette to provide a meal for those who are doing a service far past the time they are actually there.
My question is where will your vendors find a place to eat?
My vendors would have to drive 10+ minutes to find a restaurant or fast food place so it makes sense for me to feed them. In addition to that logic my photographer will be with us from 1pm to 10pm and I feel as though it's only fair that we give the poor woman something to eat!
Other than that we are providing a meal for my DOC and for the members of our band. It is an added cost, but people need to eat dinner!
I feel like this is more than an etiquette issue, this is a matter of people working for you for a long period of time and provinding them with a meal. Common courtesy in my book.
Well, when you work you likely get a 10 or 15 min break every 2 hours & a 30-60min lunch after working 4 hours. That's more for in an office job, every field is different. Your vendors likely won't be taking breaks. If your vendors were expected to go find their own meal, they'd likely go find a close-by fast food place & then you're out the time it took them to go to their car, bring their equipment & pack it up (as a photographer I would not leave my gear at the wedding, so I'd have to pack up everything). Then, drive around to find food, deal with traffic & hopefully not get lost, then get back to the wedding & unload all the gear... & then eat. At your workplace, you're likely familiar with the area & if you're not, some workplaces have fridges & microwaves for you to keep your food.
The vendor meals are cheaper, but sometimes they're really gross. I've never had one, but I've heard stories of soggy bread with warm drinks.
@jaylii9: I just feel they should bring a lunch and eat when everyone else does.
@edisongirl - I'm having a similar problem on the principal of the matter thing. My DJ is overcharging me, I only need him for 3 hours, but have to pay him for 4, AND he wants a meal? not happening. My photographer is making over 500.00 an hour and she will have a 2 hour break which is more than enough time to get herself something to eat. Plus we are doing a heavy hors d'oueves receptions, no plated meals with lots of dancing and mingeling theres really no appropriate time for the DJ to eat and I want my photographer to be taking pictures. I can totally see myself caving but I don't want to.
@edisonsgirl: Where do you expect them to keep their lunch throughout the whole day? While you're getting ready, taking pics, etc?
@edisonsgirl: Where are they supposed to keep their packed lunch that might need to be refrigerated during the hours before your reception?
Honestly, if you don't provide meals you will have upset vendors who have not brought a packed lunch. I wouldn't want to work with grumpy vendors!
I do understand I am very different on this one. Here are my vendors schedules. The photographer is scheduled from 3 to 9. He may take a break and eat when we eat. The DJ is working 5 hours. He may do the same. The officiant will be eating anyhow because he is my FI father. The planner will eat if she would like. She will be working ALL DAY. I dont see why for 6 and 5 hours of work, I am expected to feed them too. And for those who say this is a service that I requested, you are right. I requested a service from a professional vendor who does this as their work. It is a job they chose. I chose them for their work. Not their work based upon being fed as a vendor. That being said, please refer to my previous post. Thanks for all the input everyone! 
All of my vendors have it clearly stated in their contracts that they must be provided meals. My band even goes to far as to specify that the meal must be at least sandwiches. It doesn't say that it must be what everyone else eats - but it must be some sort of meal. You should check all of your contracts to make sure that your vendors won't walk away from fulfilling their duties because you aren't fulfilling yours.
IMHO, you should feed your vendors.
@edisonsgirl: I think it would be kind of weird, having your vendors sitting there eating their PB&J (since they don't have many options - no refrigerator), while your guests eat fancy (I'm assuming) food! I know they're working for you, but it just seems so "second class citizen" to me... I would just feed them and be done with it.
I see your point but at the same time just the idea that I will be 'serving' a huge amount of food and there will be a person there who sees it and everyone else eating and is hungry... not okay! Must feed! I think it's the only curteous thing to do. You don't dangle things in front of people and not let them have any. IMHO. There's just something inherently degrading about a person being at a party with copious fancy food and having to eat their packed lunch.
I actually disagree with all of the 'they work so haaard' justifications. I know plenty of people who work hard (by the way, no I do not get the 'breaks' mentioned above). And vendors often get paid quite well. Certainly I don't think their jobs are among the hardest in the workforce (nor easiest). To me the difference is really that they'll be around all the food and hungry/unable to go elsewhere.
I do wish the price was kind of more 'upfront' so you know to budget it in when picking vendors.
If this is in their contract, this is part of the payment for their service. Where should their packed lunch be put? I understand you don't like the idea of forcing them to eat in another meal by themselves. Five or six hours of work THERE, not to mention the time they met with you prior and rehearsed for your event. I know it's their service but I look at it as it's also part of payment providing a meal.
@june42011: I think everyone should get a break. But really for 3 hours of work? what break is needed? Your photographer can find something to eat too.
@edisonsgirl: again, where would you like them to find something to eat? Would you rather have your photographer leave the reception? Or, if you want them to bring something, where would you like them to store it? Especially if they're doing your pictures at a getting-ready site and then traveling with you to the reception.
If it was a budget thing (you couldn't afford vendor meals) I might be a lil more sympathetic. But it seems like you don't want to feed them on principle, because you don't feel that they deserve to get a free meal from you, and I personally find that attitude distasteful.
As a wedding vendor, I will chime in and say you should feed any vendor that's working more than six hours.
As others have pointed out, working a wedding is very unlike an office desk job. I never get a break, and neither does the photographer. It's very difficult to carry around packed meals with us, whereas at the office, you stick it in the fridge in the kitchen, and you're done.
Even if a meal is provided, vendors will usually scarf down the food to get back to work, so it's not even technically a break. I think the longest break I've ever had is about 15 mins ... during a 12-hour day! :)
Just my two cents. I also wrote an entire thread about vendor meals here:
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/tip-for-future-brides-serve-good-vendor-meals
ETA: Also, some vendors will specifically point out in their contract that they need to be provided a meal, so if you don't plan to feed other vendors, it would be good to double-check your contracts to be sure you're okay. Just a tip!
@Miss Chapstick: Thank you for your insight. I only have 1 vendor working longer than 6 hours. Thanks for the thread. you have been a big help!
@Miss Chapstick: None of my contracts state such a thing. I have re read them several times. But I have people telling me I am supposed to and I kind of feel I am supposed to do things with in reason.
I didn't even give my vendors a chance to ask for meals to be included. I specified right up front that they would be getting the same meal as the guests. As for your vendor working for only three hours, what about drive time and prep time. I am making sure that my vendors eat and if I don't see them eating, I will make sure either I or someone else goes up to them and reminds them that they need to eat. I don't want grumpy and/or passed out vendors at my wedding. I even offered for our ceremony musicians to stay for the meal, even though they will only be there for about an hour or so. They declined, but I thought at least offering them a meal was the right thing to do.
@moderndaisy: "The main reason you have to provide the food is for convenience. Most weddings are in venues where there isn't a foodcourt directly adjacent or they don't know if they can put their lunchbag in a fridge anywhere near where they'll be needing to eat. Their jobs are based around being flexible, and part of that is eating fast, not having to cart it around or prepare it."
@serabell: "Your vendors likely won't be taking breaks. If your vendors were expected to go find their own meal, they'd likely go find a close-by fast food place & then you're out the time it took them to go to their car, bring their equipment & pack it up (as a photographer I would not leave my gear at the wedding, so I'd have to pack up everything). Then, drive around to find food, deal with traffic & hopefully not get lost, then get back to the wedding & unload all the gear... & then eat. At your workplace, you're likely familiar with the area & if you're not, some workplaces have fridges & microwaves for you to keep your food."
Exactly!!! I think this understanding of things is what a lot of people don't think about when deciding whether to feed their vendors or not.
I'm just confused about the etiquette part... I don't think it's written in some etiquette book that you are supposed to feed your vendors. I just think it's common courtesy to feed those people that are doing a service for you on such an important day. Granted, you are paying them already, but you pay your hair stylist and still tip on top of that and you probably aren't going to tip your photog and dj (at least I don't plan to).
When we have out of town people or all day meetings at work, my boss orders lunch in for us. I'm not expected to bring a lunch on days like that. I think that not feeding them, or at least offering to feed them, can come across as a little rude. I think the relationship (especially with the photog) is a little more than just vendor/client and they should be treated as such.
I wouldn't want to risk pissing off someone who is supposed to be taking beautiful pictures of me and my wedding by forcing them to go find their own food, but that's just me.
@ everyone ( i am lazy lol). I think my problem is that is just the principle. I could care less if they sat next to us. If I were all for feeding them I would certainly invite them to sit down in the room with us. I would feel awful making them sit in a room somewhere. Our venue does not have vendor meals. We are having a small wedding like 50 people so it really isn't about the money either. It just irks me that this has become etiquette. I understand I don't want to piss them off because I want them to do good work. Oh I feel a bridezilla moment. They are professionals and should act as such. Pack a lunch. But maybe I should just waiver on this one and fall victim to stupid etiquette. I don't think I want to be the martyr on our wedding day. Maybe another day. LOL. But next time, next time...it is war! LOL
haha edisons girl - I know what you're saying, an unspoken expectation is weird at an event where the bride and groom haven't probably done many weddings but the wedding vendor has. I think they should just be upfront, they're the ones that are the professional, especially if they have an expectation to be fed and have a dietary restriction or like some vendors hate the vendor meal. It's money that is just being wasted then.
@edisonsgirl: It's not like it's a new development though. My dad shot weddings in the 90s, a good 20 years ago almost, and people were feeding their vendors then. If you want them there, you feed them.
Packing a lunch isn't really an option... they're going to carry it around for 8 hours? That sounds unappetizing. You get a lunch hour at your work. The photographer doesn't want to leave your venue for an hour, they just want something quick and warm and filling to eat.
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